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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling pretty pissed off about this?

81 replies

sevendwarves · 11/02/2011 20:50

I probably ABU but I need to rant.

My parents are going on holiday in three weeks time for 10 days. They have three dogs and can't afford to put them in kennels. They usually go abroad twice a year and rely on family (usually me, although once my uncle and once my brother) to house-sit with the dogs whilst they're away.

My sister had already said she would be able to look after them as she's on maternity leave at the moment anyway and said (in her own words) she has nothing better to do. This worked out great for us as we're moving house next week and obviously want the chance to settle in rather than stay at my parents house, and also DS will be in his own room for the first time and I don't think it's fair on him to be in his room for 2 weeks and then have to move into my parents house for 10 days.

My mum came over tonight and said that my sister has told her that she won't be able to house-sit because she has a baby(DD 5 months) and doesn't think it's fair. So my mum told me (rather than asked) that I have to house-sit instead.

The reason I'm so pissed off with it is that DH and I had to do it when DS was 4 months old, and I did mention it was an inconvenience but was told as my sister worked 30 miles away it was unfair to expect her to do it. I don't know if it's relevant but will also mention that her DD sleeps through the night already so it isn't like my sister is still in the nightfeed-exhaustion stage.

AIBU?

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 11/02/2011 21:20

You really do not have to find an alternative. It is not your responsibility. You just have to say that you are not able to have the dogs.

It is for your parents to sort out their dogs. Otherwise you are saying that really, it WAS your job and you are letting them down and will try to sort something out for them.

That's not the case.

LoopyLoopsPoopaScoop · 11/02/2011 21:21

No, don't try and persuade her. Tell you parents no.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 11/02/2011 21:22

If they can't afford to pay for kennels they shouldn't be going on holiday. When you book a holiday, you need to take into account all the costs - cost of holiday itself, airport parking, car hire at destination, travel insurance, renewing passports if necessary, new clothes if needed, suncreams, and housing your pets. If they can't afford to do this, they shouldn't be going. If they can afford at least two holidays a year, I'm sure they can afford to pay for the kennels. I'm afraid they just sound tighter than a duck's arse careful with money but they are taking the piss advantage of your good nature.

Original poster
sevendwarves · 11/02/2011 21:52

God I hate feeling guilty but I will try to stand firm.

I just phoned my mum and said I won't be able to house-sit because it isn't fair on DS. She said it isn't that much of an inconvenience and she didn't think it'd be a problem, and pointed out how much they do to help us. I then told her not to try making me feel guilty so she said "I've got lots to do, bye" and hung up on me! FFS

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 11/02/2011 21:55

So she's not accepting that you can't do it?

Phone back and say "I am not having the dogs. Bye" and hang up on her.

Honestly love, in the nicest and most supportive way possible - strap on a pair.

diddl · 11/02/2011 21:59

Could you do it until you move & sister do the rest?

I do think your parents are wrong to book holidays on the proviso that they will get free dog care.

But it does also sound as if they do things for you.

Original poster
sevendwarves · 11/02/2011 22:01

Hecate I'm too angry to phone her back, I'll end up telling her she's being a fucking bitch!

If she brings it up again though I'll just say that I don't want to argue, I don't think I am being selfish and that the subject is closed. I just don't understand why it's acceptable for my sister to say no but not for me to.

OP posts:
Original poster
sevendwarves · 11/02/2011 22:03

diddl they're going away in 3 weeks, we're moving next week.

OP posts:
NoobyHoHoHo · 11/02/2011 22:03

I'm with Hecate - call her back now, tell her it IS an inconvenience, it IS a problem and you won't be doing it.

Then hang up

maryz · 11/02/2011 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eden263 · 11/02/2011 22:08

"I just phoned my mum and said I won't be able to house-sit because it isn't fair on DS. She said it isn't that much of an inconvenience and she didn't think it'd be a problem"

Did she say the same to your sister who had previously agreed, or even offered, to do this and is actually the one who is letting anyone down, if there is any letting down going on? I can understand it's frustrating for your parents, but it's not like it's the day before they go, 3 weeks is long enough to sort something. If they are too tight to pay for can't afford kennels, how about those dog sitting/walking services? Might be a cheaper option and the dogs still stay at home.

But ultimately, it's not really your problem. You have enough on your plate already, on this occasion, if not at any other holiday time.

diddl · 11/02/2011 22:08

"I don't think it's fair on him to be in his room for 2 weeks and then have to move into my parents"

Sorry, completely misread/misunderstood that.

Must be theWineBlush

MosEisley · 11/02/2011 22:10

If you let people take advantage of your good nature, then they will. Especially family. Which is why you have to follow the advice on this thread and stick to your guns.

Do your parents often tell you what to do?

diddl · 11/02/2011 22:10

Actually, yes, it´s up to your sister to sort something out as she´s the one letting them down at the last minute.

Original poster
sevendwarves · 11/02/2011 22:12

Thanks maryz and to everyone else for your replies.

I was expecting most posters to tell me IABU and spoilt. It makes it much easier standing up to her knowing that people don't think I'm being selfish. I guess MN does still surprise me sometimes!

OP posts:
diddl · 11/02/2011 22:14

"She said it isn't that much of an inconvenience and she didn't think it'd be a problem"

Well then that also applies to your sister who has already said yes!

Squitten · 11/02/2011 22:19

YANBU!

Bogeyface · 11/02/2011 22:25

The reason she isnt being like this to your sister is because your sister wont let her!

Stick to your guns.

You are right, you know you are right and more to the point, MN has told you that you are right so end of argument!

candlebythewindow · 11/02/2011 23:46

YANBU!!! my mum guilts me into/about lots of things by telling me she'll stop looking after my LO while i work/if i go out. makes a huge fuss about stuff and i always give in even though i can see she's being a bitch. definitely NBU stick to your guns here! x

squeakytoy · 12/02/2011 09:26

to be fair, they may well have asked your sister before booking the holiday, and if that is the case, then she has let them down at the last minute really..

kennels arent cheap, also dogs have to have had the required vaccination for a certain minimum number of days before they can go into the kennels too. (think its about 10 days).. 3 dogs is not going to be a cheap option..

YANBU but I can also understand your mum being a tad pissed off too.. its likely to cost her about £500 to vaccinate and kennel 3 dogs for 10 days..

Bogeyface · 12/02/2011 09:30

But squeaky, surely as a pet owner you factor these costs in?

If you want to have dogs and foreign holidays then the cost of having the dogs cared for should be considered part of the cost of the holiday.

Sound like they can pay but just dont want to!

ongakgak · 12/02/2011 09:45

OP You said in your post that your mum said she does a lot for you, and I wondered if that was the case, because if you are a family that does a lot for each other I can understand why she is pissed off.

I also think that it is the other sister that needs to sort it out as she is the one letting your parents down and not you.

Call your mum back and say- I am sorry ...is not able to help you out, but with the house move, neither am I. Bye!

beijingaling · 12/02/2011 09:54

Agreed bogey. Kennels are part of your holiday costs if you own pets.

squeakytoy · 12/02/2011 09:55

Bogey, yes you do factor the costs in, and maybe if everyone had said no at the planning stage, they would have done, or not booked the holiday.

But the sister did say yes.

I have a dog, and when going away I ask a friend if she is free to house sit for me and look after him. I fully understand if she cant, and had to cancel a holiday last minute before xmas because the snow delayed flights, and my friend could not change her dates she was available, which I completely understood, and thats the risk. Luckily I was able to claim back everything as the snow wasnt my fault.

I do also have my dog "kennel ready" just in case there is an emergency and my friend had to cancel last minute or became unable to look after him while we were away.

But we do consider the costs when booking. It would cost me £150 to kennel him for a ten day holiday, and we do pay my friend for her time, so it does save us a little bit of money. With three dogs it would save a lot of money I imagine and if I had to pay £450 then I wouldnt be able to afford the holiday if you see what I mean.

Anonymousbird · 12/02/2011 10:01

YANBU

Just give her a big fat NO

And how ridiculous that they cannot afford kennels, if they go abroad, and that is really the case, they need to stay in a less expensive hotel and use their holiday budget towards the kennel!!!!!!!

FFS, some people, sorry, I know it's your family, but they all sound unbelieveably selfish!

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