Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

MIL judging me over hat...

54 replies

Mammie81 · 11/02/2011 08:14

Popped into MIL's yesterday - baby was in snow suit as it was a bit nippy out.

We were only there for 15 mins and baby was asleep so I took his hat and mittens off and undid the suit and left him laying in it, as to remove it totally would have woken him up and we'd have had hell to pay.

Her house is always sweltering as she thinks that babies should be kept with at least 2 layers and a cardigan, and then a blanket, while the central heating is on (we've already had words about her overdressing him, then putting him down to bed with 2 blankets on when the heating is at over 24 degrees)

When I went to put the babies suit on properly, I found he was sweating alot. So I said I wasnt going to put his hat on for the walk to the car so that he could cool down a bit (the car was on the drive perhaps 10 steps from the house, and still warm as we'd only been there for 15 mins)

She looked at me like I had spat at her. 'You ARENT going to put his hat on?! He will get a COLD'

Then in the hall she asked why he had no blanket on either and I said 'Because hes cooling down! He is sweating hot!' FIL put his arm around MIL protectively like I was Satan.

AIBU? Honestly?

OP posts:

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 11/02/2011 08:19

No!

Ignore or hand leaflet or book to them about how dangerous overheating is, also they get red hot in car seats too, even with one layer

Your the mummy, not her, everyone has well meaning but usually out of date advice, tell her to bog off

curlymama · 11/02/2011 08:27

YANBU.

Tell her to feel the baby if she is stupis enough not to trust your judgement.

Or just ignore her stupididty and don't leave her to look after your baby until he is old enough to regulate his body temperature.

MorticiaAddams · 11/02/2011 08:31

I agree you need to find a leaflet about the danger of babies overheating. I would be frightened to leave a baby with her with that attitude.

She should know by her age that colds are viruses and he's not going to catch one by not having his hat on!

Flisspaps · 11/02/2011 08:34

YANBU.

Definitely leaflet about the dangers of overheating a baby.

Original poster

Mammie81 · 11/02/2011 08:43

We've shown her many times. But she says she knows all about it as shes had 4 children and 'they were alright'.

Her daughter (has a son) has never said anything about the heat so it seems to her/them Im being weird about it.

I hate leaving the baby with them and try not to, but SIL has left her son there many times so they think that leaving the baby for an afternoons shopping/spa weekend is normal behaviour and that again, Im weird for not wanting them to babysit (no judgement on this, it may be normal to some and I will change my mind when hes older, but right now I just dont want to do it)

OP posts:

MmeLindt · 11/02/2011 08:46

I agree with you on the dangers of overheating but admit that I would have put a hat on him for the walk to the car.

Cold air hitting a damp head is not ideal - imagine playing a game of tennis indoors then going out in the cold when you are sweaty.

I would not leave him there if she cannot see how dangerous overheating can be for a baby.

saffy85 · 11/02/2011 08:51

YANBU

My MIL is the same as yours- always wrapped DD up in layer upon layer and put her next to the radiator despite me telling her again and again not to do that. She wont be getting the oppurtunity with DC2 as she wont be left alone with him/her this time round.

I no longer trusted PIL to take care of my pfb DD and have only just recently changed my mind and DD is now 3 years old. Helluva turn around actually as DD is spending whole week with them at easter. Mind you she'll tell me if grandma does something she shouldn't due to her constant need to tell tales

NoobyHoHoHo · 11/02/2011 08:51

YANBU - My mum does this with my two. Vest, t-shirt, top, jumper, then coat, with mittens hat and 2 blankets on. They were puce with heat! She was worse when they were younger, now they're old enough to pull clothes off. One of my over-riding memories from childhood is being too hot and trying to wrestle my zip down from where it has been welded under my chin.

Original poster

Mammie81 · 11/02/2011 08:54

Shes told me to cover the baby's face with a blanket while he was in the car seat too

I just cant bring myself to leave him there.

OP posts:

MmeLindt · 11/02/2011 08:56

FFS. Cover the baby's face with a blanket? Why? He needs to breathe.

She is a loon. Don't leave him with her.

Original poster

Mammie81 · 11/02/2011 08:58

Wind chill factor, thats why...

OP posts:

saffy85 · 11/02/2011 08:58

No way would I leave my baby with her. I just couldn't.

It's got nothing to do with MIL bashing btw, and everything to do with a mother's instinct to protect her baby. Anyway there is nothing more harmful than someone who can not see or admit they are wrong about something like this even when they clearly are.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 11/02/2011 09:07

The worst thing that ever happened to me re this was a hat issue, nil again, nag nag, its cold, so I put the hat on, my baby loves a tantrums, so in a rush I forget hat is on when we get to the car.... Good job i was only nipping down the road, as I did wonder why baby was crying so much in back of the car... She had wriggled so much the hat had come down conpletely over her face, I was horrified, it could have suffocated her... Moral ti story - always ignore mil!

Sil will have been brainwashed, so ignore this too

ScroobiousPip · 11/02/2011 09:09

Generational thing - possibly even a pre-central heating/ pre-car heating thing?

Wait til the baby is older - neither of you will care quite so much about what your DS wears(toddlers spend their lives undressing, whatever the weather) and you'll be thankful for the break. In the meantime, do what feels right but don't burn your bridges.

Original poster

Mammie81 · 11/02/2011 09:11

Out of interest, what is the worst thing that could have happened had without the hat?

Is it a worse danger than overheating? None of the books mention it.

OP posts:

WimpleOfTheBallet · 11/02/2011 09:13

MILs and their weirdness! God I hate it! My Mil babysat when DD was about 7 months and I came home from workto find her i front of a roaring fire, with two bankets and a fleece sleepsut....her face was bright red and there was sweat. Mil was mooning over her....so it's not like she had left her like that but was sitting there thinking she was doing a good job!

I stripped her off while Mil looked all hurt.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 11/02/2011 09:13

Burn being the operative word!

As an adult I find there is nothing worse than being too hot, would always rather be file than hot, think how a pooe helpless baby feels broiled in its layers, you know best and if you don't want her to mind your baby yet, then don't x

saffy85 · 11/02/2011 09:13

Definately a generational thing but having said that, both my own gran who is 87 and and DP's gran who is about the same age accept that things have changed wrt to taking care of a baby. Both accept that the way I take care of my DD and don't question it. SO why in the name of arse must my MIL who is in her 60's?

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 11/02/2011 09:14

Was meant to be cold not file!

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 11/02/2011 09:17

Because your granny gas sucked her eggs, seen her daughter suck hers a different way, and her granddaughter go back to her ways... Probably cackling as her daughter, who knew she was "right" has been superceded by the granddaughter who is proving granny right!

saffy85 · 11/02/2011 09:22

I suppose one day my own DD will be shrieking at me "Noooooo! don't lie my baby at the bottom of the cot! Don't you know how dangerous that is mum?!" Or ".... and then MIL said I don't need to sterilise the dummies past the crawling stage! I mean how ridiculous is that?!"

Debs75 · 11/02/2011 09:25

Your MIL would hate me. The dc's don't have thick coats in the car and dc4 never has a hat on as they irritate her so much.
It is far better for a baby to be a bit cooler then to overheat.

The hat thing is from people believing we lose most of our heat from our heads. We don't we lose it from the largest area which is uncovered. If you have a gillet on and a hat you will lose most of your heat from your arms. IYSWIM? A baby's head is large so if it is uncovered he will lose some heat but that is how a baby who can't regulate his heat cools down.

And tell her you live in England not the Antartic

StayFrosty · 11/02/2011 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Booandpops · 11/02/2011 09:36

Sorry saffy. But I never Sterilised once crawlin. A good hot wash was fine for my two.

saffy85 · 11/02/2011 09:41

Me neither HV pointed out once they're crawling and shoving allsorts in their mouths it's pretty redundant. I was thrilled. can't be arsed with it and the HV's point made perfect sense to me.

The point I was making was, in say 20-30 years time all the things we get told to do will possibly be redundant- I'll go to put baby down in the cot "the wrong way" or tell DD or DIL not to worry about sterilising this that and the other only for them to come on MN and moan about me

Flip

1 2 3