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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if some of you consider how recognisable you are?

89 replies

Serendippy · 10/02/2011 13:39

Loads of threads today in which the OP details a very specific situation they are in at the moment, asking for advice and opinions. (Not a thread about a thread, so you can read on). I would imagine that if I were the person being complained about in the OP, I would recognise myself instantly from the topic, even if fine details have been changed. Do any of you think, or even care, if you are recognised?

AIBU to think there could be backlash from finding out that someone recognised you posting about them on an internet forum?

OP posts:
CostaLotCoffee · 10/02/2011 13:41

I've spotted a few friends from RL on here, when they've come on to tell a funny story which is word for word the story they told at toddler group that morning. I've never said anything, it is very tempting to look at all their posts but so far I've been good Wink

caramelwaffle · 10/02/2011 13:41

It would depend on what was being said ... holding up a mirror and all that...

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 10/02/2011 13:42

Nope - I know I'm recognisable - don't care.

penelopestitsdropped · 10/02/2011 13:42

no i don't care.

The only time i would would be if discussing a work issue, but then< i wouldn't discuss anything to dow ith work on here so..

Original poster
Serendippy · 10/02/2011 13:44

What about when you are asking for advice on how to deal with someone, or moaning about someone? Don't you worry that it will case real problems in the relationship you have with that person?

Some posters say things like 'I don't want to seem pushy' but by writing something recognisable here and the other party reading it, they are outing themselves as pushy/annoying/interfering/obnoxious anyway.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 10/02/2011 13:44

Don't care either. I use this same user name for all internet, including my blog If you want to read about my boring exciting life as a mum and Graphic Artist. Also for Twitter and Delphi forums, if anyone wants to stalk find me.

And my blog has my real name. And my son's real name. And the city we live in.

There is no privacy left. You'd best get used to that, IMHO.

AnnieLobeseder · 10/02/2011 13:45

I write loads of fairly personal details, but they would only make me recognisable to people I know, and they already know me, IYSWIM, so I don't mind if they read stuff they should already know!

If I want to post something I wouldn't want my friends to read, I namechange.

But generally, I have nothing to hide.

Tee2072 · 10/02/2011 13:45

Oh, to answer the new bit of your OP, I don't moan about real people on here that I wouldn't moan to their faces. I already am pushy/annoying/interfering and obnoxious, on and off line. Grin

bupcakesandcunting · 10/02/2011 13:45

I am recognisable and my profile is wide open. Probably foolish of me. I don't discuss things on here of a delicate nature, certainly wouldn't come on and discuss friend's personal lives. I post stuff about me but that's my business.

JaneS · 10/02/2011 13:46

No, anyone interested could work out who I am, where I live and where I work. I don't mind - the thing I like about MN is not having profile pictures that come up when you speak to someone, so you don't form ideas of what people are like based on that. And I like that if I want to talk about something else I can just namechange, but I still 'know' the people who're replying and have a sense of their usual criteria for responses.

bunnymother · 10/02/2011 13:46

I also don't care - I never post anything I wouldn't mind anyone knowing. Which is why you mainly only find me on Style & Beauty!

Original poster
Serendippy · 10/02/2011 13:47

I am quite recognisable but it is not a problem because I am not interesting I don't talk specifics.

Trying not to use a particular example, but a common one is:

'My sister wants no children at her wedding. My children are 4 and 1, she knows I am BF. Brother also has two children who are teenagers. She is getting married in term time so she knows childcare will be an issue. The hotel we are expected to stay in has no facilities for children if we were to bring a sitter (posh spa-type place) AIBU to think she is a selfish bitch?'

Now, if you were the sister, or even another family member or close friend, don't you think you would be able to work out who this was about?

OP posts:
notinmypocket · 10/02/2011 13:49

I don't mind/care but to be honest I'm not posting anything sensitive, so it's easy for me to say that I don't.

RealityIsKnockedUp · 10/02/2011 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 10/02/2011 13:49

A close friend recently asked me to ask for some advice on her behalf on here. She actually rang me and asked me to "please can you ask on Mumsnet".........I've tried to persaude her to join but she said she'd never get anything else did if she did Grin

I did ask for advice - but as I was talking about another friends issues I named changed, got very good advice and handed it on to her.

The only people I moan about on here are either people who I don't care if they read it, or people that I'll have said it to their face in RL.

Tortington · 10/02/2011 13:50

im not bothered tbh

notinmypocket · 10/02/2011 13:51

Re. your wedding example, yes, there could be awkward moments but IMO life's too short to speculate 'is this about me' or be paranoid for no reason.

Original poster
Serendippy · 10/02/2011 13:53

OK, I should rephrase this. I am aiming this at people who talk about others on here who have not said anything to them in RL as they didn't want to upset anyone/sour relations/seem like a pushover. Or because they are just not brave enough. Either way, I would hate to come on here and read about myself as the 'baddie', not that I ever would be, lovely me Grin in a situation that someone had not come and talked to me about personally, especially if others would be able to recognise me in the scenario.

OP posts:
DuplicitousBitch · 10/02/2011 13:54

i name change regularly and don't think i am very recognizable unless someone was looking

CostaLotCoffee · 10/02/2011 13:55

I wouldn't care if I offended anyone but there are people who I don't want to know where my kids and I are so I have to e careful. I wouldn't mind a friend from playgroup or something spotting me but wouldn't post anything about them I wouldn't say anyway.

The things that surprise me are when someone gives enough detail that you know where they live and work, or put photos on their profile showing kids school uniform etc. I just think its naive (or lucky to be in a position where there is no one they worry about finding them)

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 10/02/2011 13:55

well I haven't said anything to my parents for nearly a year.......Grin

Original poster
Serendippy · 10/02/2011 13:55

I have read at least 2 threads today where the other party would be instantly recognisable. That would make me sad, that someone was painting me as a horrible person on the internet rather than coming to me to discuss it.

OP posts:
thumbdabwitch · 10/02/2011 13:57

It happened once that I remember - something to do with a pizza restaurant, a MNer was being all judgeypants about another family and then the mother of that family came on the thread too. Can't remember many details but she was a bit miffed, iirc.

Baroque might know what I'm talking about (probably better than I do!Blush)

limpingbint · 10/02/2011 13:58

I am stalked here by someone I know (so have name changed a bit) so I am careful - I would love to ask advice about how to deal with her but not worth the risk

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 10/02/2011 13:58

oooo thumb - I do vaguely remember the pizza thread - but not sure why I would remember it better than you Grin

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