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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that this was not an UB assumption

45 replies

RCToday · 10/02/2011 09:29

My DS has a best friend who comes to the house, has sleepovers and calls whenever he wants - hes lovely and is always welcome

Because of housing problems the other mum couldnt do the same but always said she couldnt wait until she could

So now she can but she hasnt invited him - no problem

The boys were out the other day and ended up running late and it got dark

DS phoned me and asked who was picking him up, I said ring me when you get to your friends house and someone will collect you

I got a call from his friends mum saying 'I dont mind as long as I know' but pretty much telling me not to do it again

That would be fine if I didnt have her DS overnight at least 1 night a week and see him at least 3 other nights but she NEVER lets me know, its always last minute

My question is where do I get DS picked up?

They live in the town, we are on the outskirts and the boys are older now so town is where they want to go

OP posts:
zingzillachinchilla · 10/02/2011 09:31

YANBU - and stop providing free childcare for your son's BF would be my advice. What a cheek!

MorticiaAddams · 10/02/2011 09:47

YANBU. Some people are not natural hosts and don't like sleepovers but she is taking the biscuit by saying that.

I would make any child I know welcome to come in and phone their parents let alone my ds's best friend.

MorticiaAddams · 10/02/2011 09:49

Didn't answer your question though. If he can't go there without being pre-arranged then will his friend wait in town until you arrive to collect him? Her poor son must be so embarrassed.

fedupofnamechanging · 10/02/2011 09:53

I would stop doing the sleepovers etc. I would want to call her on her horrible attitude, but would let it go for the sake of my DS friendship. If she said something about you no longer being so accommodating, then I'd be very tempted to tell her the reason why.

All you can really do is stop her taking the piss in future. your DC can still be friends without him practically living at your house, so I advise you to withdraw a bit lot

slartybartfast · 10/02/2011 09:54

perhaps she has a very messy house Grin or some such embarrassment

slartybartfast · 10/02/2011 09:55

imo there is always room for a sleep over, how about sitting room?
there must be more to this

Original poster
RCToday · 10/02/2011 10:07

Grin I didnt want him to sleepover, just 5 mins while he waited for a lift

I dont want his BF to stop coming here, I like an open house and enjoy it

I could arrange for DS to be collected in town but that leaves his BF to get home alone, which I wouldnt be too comfortable with

usually its a taxi that gets DS home and they charge an extra euro for each passenger and an extra euro for each drop off...

OP posts:
Original poster
RCToday · 10/02/2011 10:31

right

Im going to text now and see where she thinks is the best place for the boys to go seperate ways

I'll know for sure then

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 10/02/2011 10:33

Let us know what she says!

C4ro · 10/02/2011 10:43

On first glance it does look weird but maybe they (her and son/ her family) wanted to get straight in the car to go to a relative or something; and they had to delay leaving cos she didn't expect to have to wait until you could collect your son? Generally though, she is being a cheeky mare if you're doing a lot of un-reciprocated childcare!

PenguinArmy · 10/02/2011 10:45

could he text when he's nearly there and you arrive ideally just before him?

Original poster
RCToday · 10/02/2011 11:01

DS is 11, so not very good on judging time

The guarda station, a pub and a chinese resturant are the closest places

This is the text ive started

Hy xxxx, sorry for assuming xxxxx could be picked up from your house, where in town are you happy for xxxx to be left alone, Im not sure maybe outside the guarda station whould DS from now on
Let me know what you think?

Thats it so far

Polite or too woosy??

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 10/02/2011 11:06

However you word that it'll come over badly.

Call her and speak to her, please?

TheSkiingGardener · 10/02/2011 11:06

Sounds very passive aggressive. Talk to her and tell her how you feel.

LittleMissHissyFit · 10/02/2011 11:09

Perhaps the boys ought to call the friends mother and ask her if it's OK, when they have got off the phone to you?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 10/02/2011 11:10

Texts are such a bad idea. So many nuances are lost due to them.
Phone her and speak in person.

Original poster
RCToday · 10/02/2011 11:10

Passive aggressive I like for this one Grin

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 10/02/2011 11:12

This is not just between you and her, this affects the boys.

She may have her reasons, you like an open house, many do not.

CALL her and sort it out, please.

Original poster
RCToday · 10/02/2011 11:13

I have no idea why they never talk to her

OP posts:
eaglewings · 10/02/2011 11:13

Is it possible that there is a good reason why your ds can't go to her house?
Thinking of a friend whose dh was being investigated for child abuse and so no children other than her own ds could be in the house if her dh was there.
If her ds wanted to have a friend over dh had to go away.
Just a thought

Original poster
RCToday · 10/02/2011 11:16

She phoned me, message loud and clear, my DS is not welcome unless invited

My question is how do I make sure the boys get home ok without pissing her off more?

OP posts:
Stac2011 · 10/02/2011 11:20

i'd go for that then it puts the ball in her court. Its ridiculous your ds cant wait 5 minutes at her house. My ds is 11 and i end up ferrying them about as I would never leave a child themselves. If she didnt want them inside could ds wait at the door? Some people take the p**s

slartybartfast · 10/02/2011 11:22

can;t you arrange before a time when he will be picked up?

thunderbird69 · 10/02/2011 11:23

Can you pick both up in town and drop the friend off at his house on your way home?

ronshar · 10/02/2011 11:27

I would perhaps say to my son to walk back with his friend and wait to be picked up outside. No more no less. If he is invited in then ok, if he isn't then it doesnt matter.

Personnally I would arrange for my child to be picked up from a safe point and let the other mother sort out her own children as she doesn't seem that bothered about your son!

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