that this was not an UB assumption

[RCToday]

My DS has a best friend who comes to the house, has sleepovers and calls whenever he wants - hes lovely and is always welcome

Because of housing problems the other mum couldnt do the same but always said she couldnt wait until she could

So now she can but she hasnt invited him - no problem

The boys were out the other day and ended up running late and it got dark

DS phoned me and asked who was picking him up, I said ring me when you get to your friends house and someone will collect you

I got a call from his friends mum saying 'I dont mind as long as I know' but pretty much telling me not to do it again

That would be fine if I didnt have her DS overnight at least 1 night a week and see him at least 3 other nights but she NEVER lets me know, its always last minute

My question is where do I get DS picked up?

They live in the town, we are on the outskirts and the boys are older now so town is where they want to go

I dont drive, so I arrange a lift through friends or a taxi

I cant afford double fares anymore and I dont need to as my DS is old enough now

sorry x post, it isnt your responsability to make sure her ds gets home ok. Tell her the provisions you have put in place to ensure ds gets home and the she can sort her own ds

can he go somewhere else?
get a new friend.

i understand she plainly doesnt want your ds uninvited into her hosue and feels put upon. we dont know why.

how does he get there?

can you talk to her when she picks up her ds from your house, where he goes 3 times and week let alone once a week sleepover.
that is unbelievable attitude of her's though.
how did you get to have her ds so often?

She is clearly running a brothel from her home.

DS could go to loads of other places and sometimes he cant because his BF is here

I dont see her much anymore as we dont do school runs

He walks up here by himself but its daytime then, bit different when its dark and its not very nice where I live

brothel ha ha maybe thats it

Think about it; why else so secretive?

Brothel madam.

ok ok ok

Hows this text

Hi XXXX, so so sorry for assuming DS could be collected from your house, I will get him picked up from XXXX from now on, roll on the brighter evenings, take care xxxx

???

ps what are the rates

That is a good text, passive-aggressive but subtly so

Seriously? YADNBU. Maybe her house is really messy, or she runs a "business from home" but to not at least invite her son's best friend over for beans on toast or something, not even once, and then kick up a fuss about this?
Oh dear.

So what should I say then?

I love AIBU

I would say something like.

"Hi, how are you? About the other day . . . I was surprised when you said that you didn't want my dc in your house for those few minutes before the taxi came. I wondered if everything was ok with you? x"

Probablt best said though instead of texted as they can be misconstrued.

She is taking the piss majorly. She has gotten used to being able to get rid of her child whenever she likes. Zero manners. You have to decide which is more important making a point to her or the boys being able to do what they want.

Just think how many taxis have you paid for that included her child, how many meals a week, how many sleep overs?

If best friend turns up and your DS could do something else, simply say I'm sorry xxx but DS is busy this evening we will be going out soon see you another time. You don't have to make plans round someone else turning up, just because they always do .

When neighbour Kids come round our house to play I don't automatically give them a meal just because they are here. I say DS is going to have his dinner now, so it's time for you to go home and have your dinner too. Obviosly this is when local kids turn up out of the blue, if i'm hosting or looking after someone for the day of course they get meals.

Its not rude to assume that someones mother will be cooking a meal for them.

I wont say anything until tonight when without a doubt DS's friend will be here

what happened? Did she pick her ds up?

Agree with maryz