Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to look after newborn nephew this Saturday whilst my bro goes to watch footy?

46 replies

StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 16:41

I hope IANBU but just checking.

Background is this, I get on very well with my brother and his wife. Brother is a 'cheeky chappy' with a habit of pushing his luck, (especially with family) but is essentially good-hearted.

SIL had my baby nephew 12 weeks ago and has had to return to work 3 days a week (Thur - Sat) as she runs her own hairdressing salon. My brother sometimes works the odd Saturday and I have told him that 'in a scrape' I will look after my nephew if they can't get anyone else to do it when they are both working. I am almost 6 months pregnant myself and DH and I are pretty busy most weekends getting ready for our own son's arrival (bathrooms being done, decorating etc)so it is not ideal - I have offered it more as a 'last resort' to help them out.

With that in mind, AIBU to be a bit peeved that bro has asked me to babysit my nephew this weekend, when he is NOT working, but is going to watch the football instead?

I am worried that when my baby arrives he is going to be worse and expect me to be happy to look after DN every weekend along with my own son. Do I need to nip it in the bud, and if yes, how?

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 08/02/2011 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bamboostalks · 08/02/2011 16:45

No not unreasonable but how lovely to be with your newborn nephew. Enjoy it and make it clear it's a one off.

mayorquimby · 08/02/2011 16:45

why would you be peeved? He's asked you for a favour, it doesn't automatically mean you have to say yes.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 08/02/2011 16:47

I can't see the harm in him asking you particularly but if you don't want to do it then don't. I think you're being a bit unfair making assumptions about what he may or may not do in the future.

FWIW I did a lot of babysitting for my brother who had 2 children at the time. Since I had dd 3 years ago I've babysat once because he knows I have enough to do now.

geordieminx · 08/02/2011 16:49

Perhaps he thought you might actually like to spend some time with your nephew Hmm

AMumInScotland · 08/02/2011 16:50

Why peeved? You've said you can do it in a scrape, and your bro probably feels football is important enough to him to ask. You can say no if you don't want to, but I don't think he's being unreasonable to ask you.

Original poster
StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 16:50

I think he just kind of took it as read that I would mayorquimby - I don't really feel like he's given me the option IYSWIM.

It's hard though because DN is adorable and lovely and of course I would enjoy any time spent with him, but I don't want to end up as 'muggins' picking up DB's childcare just so he can do whatever he fancies on a Saturday - especially when i've been working all week too, we need this time before our baby arrives to get ready for him and soon I am going to have another baby to look after full time (relishing last few child-free months!)

OP posts:
Hassled · 08/02/2011 16:51

Just Say No. You can't do it. You're busy.

Original poster
StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 16:54

geordieminx I would like to spend time with my nephew, and in fact I have seen him twice this week already. I will also be seeing him on Sunday when the whole family gets together for Sunday Lunch at parents' house. Would it be wrong of me to wonder why he would rather go to footy than spend time with his 12 week old son Hmm

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 08/02/2011 16:55

YABU. But YANBU to say no if it's not convenient to you.

Family can always ask if you'll babysit, you can always say no. In a crazy situation where family is desperate, then perhaps saying no isn't an option but in this case, you would be doing him a favour rather than intrinsically coming to the rescue. It's an important difference.

I will drop everything to babysit my nephew if my sister goes into early labour as a result of her difficult pregnancy, no matter what plans I have. If, however, she asks me a week in advance to babysit for whatever reason, I'll make the decision based on what I have planned and how convenient it is for me.

MoonUnitAlpha · 08/02/2011 16:58

YABU!

Isn't it normal to ask family to babysit? You can always say no! I have asked my brother to babysit tonight, I didn't think he'd feel offended just to be asked Confused

And 12 weeks is not a newborn.

MoonUnitAlpha · 08/02/2011 17:00

"Would it be wrong of me to wonder why he would rather go to footy than spend time with his 12 week old son"

It's possible to love your children and also want to go out without them sometimes - put your judgypants away.

ThePosieParker · 08/02/2011 17:00

What sort of parent wants to leave such a small baby?

BlingLoving · 08/02/2011 17:03

Me! DH and I are going to a wedding when baby will be no more than 8 weeks! It's close to home, but Dsis will be babysitting! Grin

expatinscotland · 08/02/2011 17:03

Start as you mean to go on. If you know he's a chancer who'll take advantage, nip it in the bud now.

Tell him, nope, sorry, already have plans.

Original poster
StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 17:04

I am not peeved to have been asked, but that's because I don't feel like I have been asked (perhaps I didn't make that clear enough in my OP) I told DB that I was on hand to babysit as a last resort, and he has taken it for granted that this means I will look after DN whilst he goes to watch the footy (surely NOT a last resort situation - unless my sense of priorities has gone all screwy?)

Just wondering what sort of response this post might have got if it was about my sister wanting me to look after her 12 week old son whilst she goes shopping all Saturday and BIL is at work? Suspect the responses might have been different.

OP posts:
Original poster
StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 17:07

MoonUnitAlpha I appreciate that parents do need to spend some time away from their children, my comment was in response to another poster implying that I wouldn't like to spend time with my nephew (I was reversing the roles). The fact that I love and want to spend time with my nephew is not in question - I just don't want to be taken the piss out of. Nothing to do with judgeypants so get back in your bloody box.

OP posts:
MoonUnitAlpha · 08/02/2011 17:07

Why do you think that? What difference does it make if it's your brother or sister asking?

ThePosieParker - a parent like me, I first had a night out when ds was about 8 weeks old.

BoobyMcLeaky · 08/02/2011 17:10

Storm you might change your mind once you've got a baby and would appreciate someone babysitting for you. Personally I wouldn't say any different if it was your sister asking you to babysit so she could have a few child free hours.

Say no if you don't want to do it.

Original poster
StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 17:10

BTW MUA I was under the impression that the "newborn stage" generally applies to the first 3 months. DN is just shy of that 11 weeks and some days so would just scrape in by my reasoning. I could be wrong about the classifications though, why not try and undermine me anyway though eh?

OP posts:
Original poster
StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 17:14

Fair enough, he may want a few childfree hours which I get, I really do. I just think that it could be the 'thin end of the wedge' with him - going on previous experience here.

Perhaps it's just me as I don't have any children yet and my outlook is bound to change.

OP posts:
MoonUnitAlpha · 08/02/2011 17:19

There's a big difference between asking someone to babysit a newborn (under 4-6 weeks old) and asking someone to babysit a 3 month old.

You start off asking if your brother was BU in asking you to babysit, now it's that he assumed you would babsit whenever he wants.

Original poster
StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 17:21

Got to go out now so not flouncing off or anything. Thanks for your input so far - always happy to be told IABU if that is the case. Made me think that perhaps I should just cut DB some slack for the time being (at least until my baby arrives and I have my own hands full).

OP posts:
freshmint · 08/02/2011 17:21

if you want to, do it
if you don't, don't

why be peeved? he's asked - say yes or no. no peeving required

missmehalia · 08/02/2011 17:22

Two options, I suppose.

Say no, decorating crisis this Saturday and it won't fit in with his footballing plans.

Say yes, and say you're looking forward to him returning the favour when you've had your little one.

Whichever it is, give him some notice so he has time to make a different plan.