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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to look after newborn nephew this Saturday whilst my bro goes to watch footy?

46 replies

StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 16:41

I hope IANBU but just checking.

Background is this, I get on very well with my brother and his wife. Brother is a 'cheeky chappy' with a habit of pushing his luck, (especially with family) but is essentially good-hearted.

SIL had my baby nephew 12 weeks ago and has had to return to work 3 days a week (Thur - Sat) as she runs her own hairdressing salon. My brother sometimes works the odd Saturday and I have told him that 'in a scrape' I will look after my nephew if they can't get anyone else to do it when they are both working. I am almost 6 months pregnant myself and DH and I are pretty busy most weekends getting ready for our own son's arrival (bathrooms being done, decorating etc)so it is not ideal - I have offered it more as a 'last resort' to help them out.

With that in mind, AIBU to be a bit peeved that bro has asked me to babysit my nephew this weekend, when he is NOT working, but is going to watch the football instead?

I am worried that when my baby arrives he is going to be worse and expect me to be happy to look after DN every weekend along with my own son. Do I need to nip it in the bud, and if yes, how?

OP posts:

bubblewrapped · 08/02/2011 17:22

3 months isnt newborn..

bubblewrapped · 08/02/2011 17:24

also, you can babysit a three month old and decorate at the same time.. they dont do much running about.. lol!

If you dont want to do it say no, but its not unreasonable of someone to ask you.

AMumInScotland · 08/02/2011 17:25

People's definition of terms like "in a scrape" or "as a last resort" vary a lot - you meant it as "in an emergency or urgent need" but he may well have taken it as "after you have tried other possible babysitters"

Original poster

StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 17:30

Thanks for clarfication MUA as I said, I am not sure of the differences in baby stage classification as I don't have a baby myself (just cooking one at the mo) - perhaps you were once so naive yourself? (perish the thought eh?)

Like I said, perhaps I should have worded my OP differently. I made the initial offer (happy to step in if you're in a scrape) and I think he has taken that to mean 'happy to babysit whenever you fancy' - yes, he has assumed rather than asked if I was willing to do it and that is very much the type of person he is. I should have made that clearer.

In hindsight my title should have been 'AIBU to be peeved that my brother assumes I am available to babysit my almost 3 month old nephew whenever he fancies rather than just to help him out when he and SIL are working'. Glad we've cleared that one up.

OP posts:

Stangirl · 08/02/2011 17:32

Well you could tot it up as a credit so he babysits for you shortly.

Personally I wouldn't do it - but I hate looking after children.

Original poster

StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 17:33

Mismehalia I suppose part of the problem is that I really can't see him returning the favour in future IFSWIM otherwise I wouldn't mind.

I have resolved though to help him and SIL out as much as I can in the next 3 months as I appreciate that a new baby is hard and he no doubt could do with the break. Perhaps this is one of those things that I will come back to next year and feel differently about.

OP posts:

Original poster

StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 17:34

AMumInScotland cheers, didn't think about that, it could account for the mix up though.

OP posts:

Original poster

StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 17:35

Freshmint noted! I'll try and shake off my peevishness

OP posts:

missmehalia · 08/02/2011 19:12

Actually Storm, if it's unlikely they'll return the favour and the thought of it actually makes you tired, then I strongly advise not doing it.

If the first feeling you have when thinking of doing it is that you'd resent it, rather than looking forward to seeing the baby, then it's a bad idea. You're not a bad person, but try and enjoy your pregnancy. You've got enough to think of right now!

curlymama · 08/02/2011 19:19

If she's working every Saturday, and bearing in mind that football seems to happen most Saturdays, I'd tell him to make sure he chooses his match carefully!

theresapotatoundermysink · 08/02/2011 19:23

YABU. If you don't want to do it say no. If you don't mind doing it this once but don't want it to become a regular habit say yes now and no next time he asks.

I think when you have a 12 week old you may look back at this and feel differently. Having a few hours to go off and relax can make a world of difference when you're working and looking after a new baby.

LoveMyGirls · 08/02/2011 19:36

Humm tricky one imo.

If you genuinely have things planned I would say no.

I think I would do it if he needed sleep without a doubt. I would possibly do it while he went to the football as long as that meant going there and coming back within 2-3hrs without going to the pub for ages afterwards which would imo be taking the piss tbh.

I would be more inclined to help if I thought he would be returning the favour.

I have been in the situation a fair few times where I ask my dsis to babysit and get told no because she is washing her hair, cooking her dinner and tbh that grates A LOT because I do actually have my dc's here while I wash my hair and make dinner, infact until recently would make dinner with 5-6 dc's in the house and I managed so those excuses are very lame to me and when she says them I hear "no I cba to see my neices and help my sister out" and that hurts.

Original poster

StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 19:37

Thanks guys but I have already said that i've decided to help out and give bro a break.

OP posts:

Original poster

StormInaCCup · 08/02/2011 19:42

I'm just going to be clear with bro though that I won't be able to continue with child care every Sat once DS arrives so that he knows he'll have to find alternative arrangements if footy is going to be a regular thing. It will be our first DC so will need time to get to know the new baby/ get a hang of things without also looking after DN.

I don't want anyone thinking I resent babysitting, I just don't want to become the default babysitter every weekend - although I obv don't mind now and again.

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 08/02/2011 19:49

That sounds more than fair imo. I wouldn't offer every sat from now until your baby comes though tbh. You have got quite a lot on yourself.

fedupofnamechanging · 08/02/2011 20:09

I think you are worrying unnecessarily about things which might never happen. He might not be wanting or expecting you to look after your DN every Saturday. I would look after the baby this time, but if babysitting at the weekends seems to be becoming a habit, then just say that you have other plans, so cannot.

It's not wrong for him to ask a favour of you and if you genuinely have other plans, then no one can make you babysit.

zipzap · 08/02/2011 21:57

Would definitely point out to him that you offered to help out 'in a scrape' as a last resort and not just for a boring little ol' game of footie when he drops off his dc...

if for nothing else than just to watch his face as he tries to explain that footie is SO important while you're pointing out that it's just a game, he can watch plenty of matches on tv at home, there will be plenty of other games etc etc

Can you tell I'm one of those people that thinks football's one of those things that would be so much better if they just boarded up the goal posts and didn't bother

FetchezLaVache · 08/02/2011 22:01

Storm, could we be related?? My brother is just such a fecking chancer and I have had to nip things firmly in various buds over the years. I definitely recommend you tell him you're looking forward to him returning the favour!

PS I would have referred to an 11 week old baby as a newborn before I had one.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 08/02/2011 22:13

Make sure that he knows you are not committing to this every football match or he may start to feel entitled and it may be harder to put your foot down later if you start to feel used.

Or insist on a reciprocal arrangement.

One day for him and one for you right back.

And if he starts to let you down on your days, he can forget about you carrying on having the baby so he can go to the footy.

moominmarvellous · 08/02/2011 22:41

If it doesn't fit in with your plans, just say you can't do it. If it's your brothers first child then maybe at 12 weeks he might not yet have experienced that he might now have to miss out on old hobbies sometimes. Footie on Saturdays can be a regular thing (not sure how often your DB goes)but if he's a regular, maybe you're right not go in too eagerly first time he asks.

Although on the flip side, it's also nice to be the person who allows new parents to have a bit of free time, as you and others have said, it'll be your turn next. I still remember when my best friend sat with DD for a couple of hours so I could use a massage voucher I'd been bought.....4 years on and I still think that was a lovely afternoon!

moominmarvellous · 08/02/2011 22:42

Oh I somehow missed all the posts about football every Saturday!

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