TIGER MUM is all over the place, She must have a book out

[GabbyLoggon]

From snippetsd I have picked up that Tiger Mum has become famous/infamous from being a very strict parent.

The little gem which gets quoted is that she rejected a handmade birthday card from her child because it had not been toiled over for long enough....hmmmm

She may be from a Chinese background; and they are forecast to take over from the USA
(Sez Mr Peston)

Please ladies tell me more. Is it a storm
over a childs birthday card...Or is there more too it?.. "Gabby"

It's a publicity tour and she's doing very well so far because, love her or hate her, we're talking about her. I don't think we're meant to take her 100% seriously. Pretty sure she's exaggerating for comic effect.

Yes, I suppose the upbeat dark comedy has been suggested by her publicists.

But many people will take her seriously;and parenting is more important than selling books.

At a personal level my mother was no tiger. But she did burn very bright.

Who's Tiger Mum?

She's Professor Amy Chua and she's written a book called 'the battle hymn of the tiger mother'. Examining why it is that chinese kids famously seem to be concert pianists by age 3 and storm all their exams etc. Answer apparently being 'pushy mothers' that take it to an art-form. 'Child-led' it ain't! :)

I don't think anyone seriously sits down with any of these books and raises their children by numbers...

Yea. I understand her book has been or is going to be featured on Wmans Hour. so I thought there would be a lot of motherly interest.

Her book is being serialised on Radio 4 in the mornings this week too.

To be fair to her the book is a memoir. She said this morning it isn't meant to be a parenting manual. She said just because she threatened burn her dds toys in anger, she's not proud of it

I've been listening to it on Radio 4 this week - with growing dismay and horror. I haven't found any of it funny at all and I weep for her second daughter. I come from an Asian (though not Chinese) background and have cousins who had similarly disciplinarian upbringings, but this woman seems an extreme that I REALLY hope is not the norm in China - as she seems to state - or elsewhere. Putting a child out in freezing temperatures, because she will not do your bidding, is simply child abuse and I suspect that the girl will never forget that she was called garbage. I was delighted this morning to hear that the daughter rebelled as a teenager, but I wonder what long-lasting damage has already been done.

And the author's smug, self-satisfied, bragging attitude is unbearable (the bouncy, upbeat voice of the reader, doesn't endear her either!). I note that even her own parents thought she was overdoing the pressure.

I feel this book is less an account of the value of east v west educational and parenting styles, than of one woman's psychosis.

I feel (a bit) like writing to complain to Radio 4 about the serialisation. They must have thought that a British audience would "get" the (supposed) irony of the story. But she never sounds the least ironic. She doesn't seem to say things along the lines of "Oh my heavens, wasn't I a complete loon!". Chua has even said that if she had a baby to raise today she would do almost everything exactly the same way. I am pretty sure that she has no regrets.

If that's irony, "then I'm the Queen of England"...

I listened to the book on Tuesday on R4, it was the one with the piano practice.

I have to admit that I did cringe with recognition at some parts, OK I'm not saying that I woudl do exactly the same but I could certainly see why she had done it!

Luckily DS1 was home ill and listening to it too, he said that he was glad that I wasn't like her

I have bought the book after listening to the serialisation and hearing her on Woman's hour. It sounds very interesting, if controversial.

What she does she does for her children, to give them choice and opportunity. She explains this to them and on the whole they appear to appreciate it; Just as she appreciates how her own Tiger Mother brought her up.

"What she does she does for her children, to give them choice and opportunity. "

Seems a weird way of giving you children choice to basically given them no choice whatsoever about which academic subjects they should concentrate on; which extra-curricular activities they should participate in; which musical instrument they should study etc.

I suppose her argument is that the more qualified and successful they become as a result of her pushing then the more choice they will have in adult life.

Question is - will they have any idea how to exercie that choice when they have been unused to making any decisions for themselves?

Did you hear the episode this morning, Pickle, I think she clearly was saying that they didn't appreciate it (or at least, Lulu didn't; and what kind of name is that, anyway? Does Lulu mean something lovely in her native Chinese dialect? Because in English it sounds pretty awful).

The "virtuous circle" didn't work, any more. That's what Chua was admitting this morning, Lulu was seething with resentment rather than grateful.

I agree with some of what she says, in particular, " there's nothing like a child realising it can do something really hard, after loads of practice and pain, to boost self-esteem" (I paraphrase).

How do we ever get top athletes etc if there isn't a tiger parent somewhere behind them?

It's not my style, but I do have a sort of admiration for Tiger Mother's sheer determination and single mindedness. The kids don't seem to be basket cases either.

I think she's a total loon. Nowhere in her account is there room for words like "love" and "individuality". I also very much doubt that there's any irony intended. Listening to today's episode I was highly delighted with her younger daughter's rebellion.

never heard of her,is it a nom de plume?who is she

scottishmummy
Amy Chua

I think she is a loon...and yet, I have to admit after reading all the zillions of articles over the past few weeks, I have found myself upping the discipline just a tiny bit with the DC in response.

I used to be all "oh, darling, that's marvellous" whenever DD1 put felt tip to paper. Since Tiger Mom influenced me, I am much more, "well, love, make sure you start your name with a capital letter".

Thanks!another quack with all the answers

Apparently Lulu is actually nn for Louisa

Greythorne I'm a sloppy "hey, just do it when you're ready, darling" home educator

but, after reading the interview with Amy Chua in the Guardian a couple of weeks ago (all a bit of a blur, but the bit about her elder daughter biting the piano keys has stayed with me- brrrrr) I've now got them doing SATS papers

else they don't eat

I went to school in Hong Kong with lots of kids with tiger moms.....
They could all speak several languages, were far better at maths than me and had no illusions that they would do anything other than be doctors/lawyers/accountants etc...
Mostly they were pretty normal. No-one drank or smoked and they were also good at sport and music.

Just saying.....

I have to admit to secret admiration for Tiger Mum (although she is clearly a loon).

My husband and I both came fromm backgrounds where we weren't pushed, but neither were we praised for anything that wasn't actually an achievement(which was quite different to a lot of my friends' parents). I very much remember a theme of my childhood being sporting analogies about the difference between winning and losing and both of us were very clear that we would have to work hard to get the stuff we wanted in life (not necessarily material stuff, just whatever it is you want IYSWIM), which we are obviously trying to do!

We are not unusual, but know loads of people who just don't seem to have the drive to push themselves. I have 2 DDs and very much want them to be happy and fulfilled as adults, as we all do, and I genuinely believe that part of being happy is finding something you care about beyond your own needs and wanting to excel at it, whether it is sport, art, music, gardening, cooking - anything really that requires some real input and is structured. I know my views are not very 'Mumsnet', but I think parents have a role in helping children to find their passions and supporting them to do their best.

I think Tiger Mother takes it to extremes, but the reality is that we have a weak economy that is in decline and other countries are racing ahead. If we want our kids to be in a position to compete globally, I think they will need to be pushed to excel, or at least to feel that competing is worthwhile.

I also think lots of us realise this already, and that is why there is so much interest in Tiger Mother, who is obv a crazxy extreme version of the core principles.

Ah, Louisa, that makes more sense.
Can you imagine hiring a soliciter or accountant called "Lulu"; would you want your surgeon to be called "Lulu"?

I have no secret admiration for Tiger Mum. I know lots of people who have managed to foster a similar commitment to learning and hard work by making it fun and leading by example- the advantage of that is that their children end up working because they want to, not because they are being made to.

From what I have heard lots of "tiger-mummied" children perform while they are under mum's watchful eye, get to play in the famous concert hall- and then never touch a violin again. Or get wonderful exam results which they then don't seem to live up to. In a weak economy we need creative people who can manage themselves and take initiatives, not ones that are used to doing as they are told.

It works to an extent with top athletes because they are always going to be managed by a trainer and have somebody else take decisions for them. But it hardly seems the way to foster good company directors.

Its funny how child abuse done by two law professors go unprocecuted! She's professing to cruelty towards her youngest in particular (out in the cold etc) and surely the authorities in either the US or UK should take note and charge her for it. It would be fun to see her family of lawers in court explaining why they seem to think child protection laws do not apply to them (even in the US placing a child outside in dangerously cold tempratures undressed, refusing said child the bathroom, food and drink for hours and hours is against the law!?). I also wonder how funny the two children think it is that their mummy is bragging all over the world how she submits them to her will for their own good.

Actually Olderandwider I don't think children who are top athletes etc are necessarily the product of tiger parents, sure there's pushyness out there but if you consider the story of some of the young olympic hopefuls today theirs are stories of parential sacrifice in response to their childs wishes and needs (such as moving home to be closer to facilities to help their child etc) and not force. I may be wrong of course!

'Tis funny how much the tigresse mummy story has made families all over the world reign in on nintendo time!