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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am, I went nuts at DD4, come and kick my arse

43 replies

PJDunkin · 08/02/2011 14:45

I wanted to get out in the fresh air, I got DDs bike out and we went out to practice cycling. She still has stabilisers and seems to find it difficult get the pedals going and keep the momentum.

So we were up and down the road outside our house, I was pushing gently on her back to get going then encouraging 'keep pedalling' 'it's easier once you get rolling'

And so it went on for about 20 minutes, but every time I took my hand off her back she just gave up.

I gave up.

We went indoors, she took her shoes and coat off and I said we'll try again later then, she said 'when I'm six' I just got so angry, I grabbed her arms at her shoulders and just started yelling in her face, called her lazy, shouted on about how I hated being stuck in the house, wanted to get out, why don't you want to get out, you're so lazy etc.

She burst into tears, I don't think I hurt her physically, just scared her. I feel dreadful, I was right in her face, saw her face crumple as she was about to cry, can't get the image out of my head.

I calmed down, we had lunch, she's been very subdued.

Now kick my arse I deserve it.

OP posts:
deliakate · 08/02/2011 14:47

Ah, I think I would kneel down and explain to her that mummy was very cross, and that everyone gets cross sometimes. Ask her how she felt. Say you are sorry, and then just try to get on breezily with the day.

Chil1234 · 08/02/2011 14:47

YANBU to lose your temper occasionally. In fact, you'd be weird if you didn't. So you shouted, she got upset, you've all calmed down.... no biggie.

yesiamevilandiamwatchingyou · 08/02/2011 14:47

In the nicest possible way, you might benefit from being able to talk to someone; not necessarily a family member but maybe a trusted friend?

loopylou6 · 08/02/2011 14:47

You're right you do deserve it. I think lot of tlc today and an ice cream when the van comes. How old is she?

MsKLo · 08/02/2011 14:47

of course what you did wasn't right but hey, you are a mum of four and tired and only human. apologise to her and try to keep in check next time

give her lots of cuddles and say sorry and learn from this

but look, we all get cross and raise our voices! it is crap and not right but you are not alone!

yesiamevilandiamwatchingyou · 08/02/2011 14:47

And YANBU either. Everyone loses it once in a while.

scurryfunge · 08/02/2011 14:48

You need to apologise to her and promise you won't lose it like that again for no reason. Could she go to nursery if you are finding it difficult at the moment?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 08/02/2011 14:49

You sound like you're in a bad place. There is obviously more to this than a reluctant child on a bike. We all get overwhelmed sometimes. How are things generally?

ThePosieParker · 08/02/2011 14:49

I don't think it hurts children to see a true temper every now and again...as long as it's not all the time. There have been times that unless my dcs cry they haven't really understood....

Give her a big hug, have a lovely chat at bedtime.

MmeLindt · 08/02/2011 14:49

No, will not kick your arse.

You know it was wrong. You feel terrible.

Go and give her a big cuddle, apologise for being nasty and do something nice with her. Read a book, go for a walk, whatever.

Is there a reason that you are so short of temper?

ThePosieParker · 08/02/2011 14:50

I am rather Shock and amused at posters telling you to talk to someone, jeez. Don't make promises that you won't do it again, don't. Just tell her you were very cross, it happens but you love her all the same.

Original poster
PJDunkin · 08/02/2011 14:51

She's 4, sorry that was the DD4, not that I have four. She is DD2 age4.

She's sleeping now, I just want to wake her and cuddle her. Feel so rotten.

OP posts:
mistressploppy · 08/02/2011 14:51

My sympathies; I have done similar and felt DREADFUL. You're only human. Good advice above, I have nothing to add, just a squeeze of support Smile

COCKadoodledooo · 08/02/2011 14:52

Oh Lord I wish with all my heart there was someone that taught kids to ride bikes! Same as swimming lessons - I had been losing my rag with ds1 who Just Wouldn't Listen, bit the bullet, paid for lessons and whilst he's still not quite a fish, he's so much more confident. If only Kelvin taught cycling too!

Ds1 is 7 btw, and is only just getting the hang of it. Riding his scooter to/from school has definitely helped with his balance too. He sounds very much like yours, would just give up and then not try again for months. I wouldn't remind him either because it was Just Too Stressful!

Have a quick kick up the arse and a cuppa and a piece of cake each. You shouldn't have lost it, but a truly crap parent would feel no remorse for having done so. She'll get over it, it'll take you longer though!

Original poster
PJDunkin · 08/02/2011 14:53

I get a little bit SAD (the season thing) and today was so nice I thought I might shake it off, - I think I was annoyed she was so reluctant to get outside.

OP posts:
Olessaty · 08/02/2011 14:54

I have been there and done things like this, the guilt eats you up, but please know you are not alone, parents are not perfect beings and sometimes we do things we don't like much.

I'd explain in an age appropriate way to LO that mummy lost her temper and said things that were not fair, and apologise.

Then I'd maybe think about where that anger came from, maybe you are tired or not getting much support right now? Having someone to talk to about it might help, recognising the trigger will too.

MmeLindt · 08/02/2011 14:54

yy to outsourcing of bike riding and swimming lessons, and anything else that we have to teach our children.

ThePosieParker · 08/02/2011 14:54

I had to stop listening to ds1 read, it was torture, talk about biting my lip.... r-e-d spells red not rock, not dead, not any other fucking word you can think of beginning with ';r'.....too many times I nearly said 'ARe you stupid?'.....Daddy did it instead!!

ThePosieParker · 08/02/2011 14:55

taught him to read, not thoroughly undermine his confidence and ruin his self esteem!!

loopylou6 · 08/02/2011 14:57

Grin Posie, I know exactly what you mean.

MmeLindt · 08/02/2011 14:59

Posie
I HATE homework with DD. Will tweet you link to blog post

IDontThinkSoDoYOU · 08/02/2011 14:59

You can maybe cure the cycling issue by removing the stabilisers and the pedals and let her scoot her from place to place. This will help her with balance and then when she has that sussed, put the pedals back on.

Can't help with the rest, you're human xx

WinterLover · 08/02/2011 15:00

Are you talking about my DSD!!! She's exactly the same, gives in doing anything if she has to do it on her own. She says the same too 'when I'm 6' argh drives me mad :)

Don't beat yourself up about it, :)

Chil1234 · 08/02/2011 15:01

I remember once losing my temper with small version of DS about something and nothing - impatience probably. He fixed me with an anguished look and said 'Mummy!!! I'm only a KID!!!' Talk about guilt-tripping...

LibraPoppyGirl · 08/02/2011 15:01

We all lose it once in a while and I know how awful you feel afterwards when you've calmed down.

When I've done that DS I've always apologised for shouting and acknowledged that I shouldn't have acted as badly as that. Even as a little 'un he understood and forgave me.

He's 13 now and going through the teenage thing and you know what? When he's out of order he always comes and gives me a hug and says he's sorry and we move on with no hard feelings.

By your reaction to this you can also teach and it's a wonderful lesson to teach your kids not to be afraid to say sorry.

Big hugs to you Smile x