can thought and effort make a better party than just money alone

[BeachWater]

If your grown up children were throwing you a surprise party would you feel it be better to have :-

1. A more expensive party, catered in a proper venue with a smaller number of guests. With only ONE adult child footing the entire bill. Meaning the other adult children are effectively excluded from helping as everything is bought in, no handmade elements.

1. A less expensive party in a clean but basic venue with either cheaper catering (or home made buffet), with more home made elements, like grandchildren making table decorations. This would mean ALL your friends and family could be invited and ALL the adult children would be able to contribute either money or time and effort, depending on what they are able to give to the event.

What would you prefer and why ?

2 - WOULD RATHER HAVE MORE PEOPLE THERE - apols for caps!

1. of course. Because a family party is about family.

More people please. In fact, if food is inversely proportional to people, one party platter from Iceland would do fine.

ROFL at the wording of the questions. I wonder which your preference is...

OP's definately opting for 1 [wink}

You know that the answer is number 2. No brainer.

Depends on the person whose party it is. Some people prefer something more 'intimate' - a few close friends, others want everyone they know.

Would also depend if ALL the adult children wanted to contribute I suppose.

but yes your preference is clear!!

2 lots of people and cheap booze

Haha- are you a grown up one that can't afford to chip in then

just call me Sherlock

Definitely 2.

For me a party is all about people. All you need is a bar, buffet and dj.

Yes, ALL the adult children want to contribute.

Hi Ladyofthehousespeaking Sherlock ;)

Yep, I am the lazy ass SAHM who can't afford to chip in much hard cash but is willing to do the organising, buffet and room decorations etc but my DSis does not think it is good enough and wishes to buy in everything at a venue out of my price range.

I am sat here in tears, I just wanted to be part of the whole event, not a guest at a party by sister has bank rolled :(

I would prefer 1.

Nice venue,
Professionally catered food
fewer people so can have quality conversation.

No having to make small talk with relatives I haven't seen for ages
Clean toilets
Opportunity to wear something nice
No having to clear up afterwards
Someone else paying the bill -
what's not to like?

Is it just you and sis then - so ALL adult children is just 2 of you? Can you not make decorations anyway or make cake - contirbute in some other way? Surely it's about what the person the party is for would like - what would they like?

Yes - this is about what your parents would like really!

Although I'm sure they would like you two not to fall out over it

Perhaps your DSis hasn't got the time/inclinaton/skill to do all the 'home made stuff' and feels just as strongly as you about what is the right thing to do - if she can genuinely afford the expensive party why not just accept gracefully and enjoy the occasion?

Are you sure your parents would like a surpise party - some people can't stand the idea .

Awwww I'm sorry beach- didn't mean to upset you- I thought you were twenty or so and skinted
sorry sorry sorry
anyway, how are you at baking? Could you make a nice tiered cake or something, it wouldn't cost much but a nice homemade cake that's had a lot of effort put in melts my heart :)

Lord yes. She will feel guilty about you doing all the bits and pieces, or she will feel at you getting all the kudos for the home made stuff while she is (presumably) merely paying for the hall etc.

What about a compromise? Sis pays for all the 'high class food ' she wants and you organise the decorations etc. Surely it's more important to focus on what will make your parents happy, although I can understand your situation.

awww Beach don;t be sad - your being there will make things special and you wont have the stress she will have organising it

offer to make the cake or make decs anyway and sneek them in x

Both.
Seriously, if Dsis can pay for the smaller one, great, but can the rest of you pay for the bigger one?

My post didn't sound very sympathetic, sorry. Personally I would prefer 2 as well.

Not sure of that post made sense. What I meant was why not have two parties, one intimate lunch-party at a restaurant, expensive, but DSIS pays for it ALL.
Followed by a massive evening do, which the entire extended family can attend.
Not necessarily on the same day. In which case the first one could also be an evening do.

There is a third adult child, I haven't spoken to him yet. Definitely no money coming from his direction but he would want to do something, I am sure.

I am struggling to decide what my parents would prefer, my father would be happy if our mother was happy and if all the children had made the effort., so number 2.

My mother does like nice things and would be delighted to go out with the immediate family to a nice meal out. However she loves a bargain and really values people making an effort and putting thought into things. She would really love a big party with all her friends and she would love home made touches especially if that reflects effort and thought. Especially if this meant all her children had a hand in the party.