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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I think i mite be...warning involves babies and weddings

32 replies

worldgonemad72 · 06/02/2011 19:21

Not sure if my sister will think im being unreasonable or not, she's getting married next May and im a bridesmaid (feel a bit foolish being a bridesmaid when i will be 35 but she asked and i didn't want say no).
Anyway me and dh have decided we want to try for 1 last baby , the age gap will be almost 3 yrs between our ds and the new baby, i feel like im getting older and its a now or never decision tbh.
Would i be unreasonable to try for a baby now? going of my previous history i normally conceive within 1 - 2 months of trying so would probably have a small baby at the wedding.
i dont want fall out with my sister but if i wait until after the wedding i will be almost 37.
How would you feel if i was your sister, would you be pissed off or happy for us?

Thanks

OP posts:

BeerTricksPotter · 06/02/2011 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilQueenie · 06/02/2011 19:23

why delay your own life for one day ofyour sisters? YANBU to try for another child now. What if you never got that chance again. LEt her know in advance perhaps?

nickytwotimes · 06/02/2011 19:24

i'd be happy for you if i were your sister!

bubblewrapped · 06/02/2011 19:25

Probably easier to have a small baby at the wedding than a bridesmaid with a 9mth bump!

It is over a year till this wedding, it could all be called off before then! (signed Bubble - ever the pessismist.. )

2gorgeousboys · 06/02/2011 19:26

My sister (my chief bridesmaid) gave birth 5 weeks before we got married. Slightly complicated the dress shopping and meant we had quite a sedate hen party (my choice of course) but it was lovely to have tiny DN1 at the wedding!!! He slept through the ceremony and there were lots of friends and family to give him cuddles etc.

So to answer your question, I'd be pleased for you.

BeerTricksPotter · 06/02/2011 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sarsaparilllla · 06/02/2011 19:27

I don't really see what the issue is tbh, unless she's going to not allow babies at the wedding? Go for it!

kaymondo · 06/02/2011 19:27

YANBU for trying but prob worth letting your sister know that there is a possibility of you either having small baby or being pg at wedding, esp before she starts spending money on your bridesmaid dress! A friend of mine has just found out she is pg - she is supposed to be a bridesmaid for a mutual friend who has kicked off because she had just paid for her dress!

Checkmate · 06/02/2011 19:28

It would be ridiculous to not TTC because of any wedding, including your sisters.

How would you feel if you delayed ttc until after the wedding, and then didn't get pregnant? Possibly slightly resentful of your sister, who wouldn't understand why!

Pheebe · 06/02/2011 19:28

I'd be over the moon for you

Al1son · 06/02/2011 19:29

Can you imagine how you would feel if you put it off then couldn't conceive? Go for it if the time is right for you.

Any worthwhile sister would be really pleased for you and you can always offer to step down from the bridesmaid role if your due date ends up coinciding with the wedding.

Good luck!

PrettyCandles · 06/02/2011 19:29

Just get on with your own life. Would you say "I won't go on a once-in-a-lifetime helicopter skiing holiday before her wedding, just in case I break a leg"?

Whatever happens, happens.

I can't say whether I would be upset if I were your sister, because she might be Bridezilla in a totally different way to me.

BTW, past performance is no indication of future performance: dc1 and dc2 were both conceived at literally the first attempt, whereas dc3 took over a year. So don't count your chickens. You could even find yourself bridesmaiding with a bump!

Ooopsadaisy · 06/02/2011 19:30

Are you suggesting that your sister would be unhappy with you for daring to have a baby just before her wedding?

Is she a selfish cow?

Having a baby is the most wonderful thing. It's one of the only things that really brings people together with happiness.

YADNBU.

LilQueenie · 06/02/2011 19:30

If you are worried about a baby at the wedding then let her know in advance to see if she is against a baby being there on the day. If its about the dress then perhaps offer to pay for any alterations needed nearer the time or the whole dress. However if she really kicked off about either the above Id personally be keeping my distance and putting my family first.

sheeplikessleep · 06/02/2011 19:32

YANBU to go for another baby, of course not.

DSis gave birth 6 weeks before my wedding day. When it was all being planned (the wedding), she was in very early stages/trying on dresses etc as I didn't know she was expecting. But, she told me before we had actually bought any dresses to say that she didn't think she could be a bridesmaid for us. I was over the moon for her. Your sister will be made up for you too. Guess might be best to give her the option to say if she is still happy for you to be her bridesmaid (as you won't be able to devote as much time on the day).

Go for it!

Anonymousbird · 06/02/2011 19:33

Why is this an issue? Your sister isn't going to give two hoots, surely?

you can still be her bridesmaid if you are pregnant/just given birth/have a baby or whatever of any age?????

Just get on with your life! You are over planning/analysing.

So, even though you didn't have a "AIBU" you so totally are!

TrillianAstra · 06/02/2011 19:35

It's possible that you would miss the wedding due to actually being in the middle of giving birth.

But that's what happens when you TTC - it means that all other plans for the next X months have to take a backseat.

If your sister is reasonable she'll know that having a baby is more important than worrying about whether you will be big and pregnant as her bridesmaid, or have a tiny baby, or the very small risk that you'll miss it altogether.

dearprudence · 06/02/2011 19:37

TTC and have the baby when it suits you. You shouldn't take any social occasion into account.

Original poster

worldgonemad72 · 06/02/2011 19:40

hiya,, thanks for the replies, shes definately not a selfish cow but i was just concerned after reading so many bridezilla stories on here that i would be somehow messing her plans up. She has said children are invited but wants them taken out of the ceremony if they start crying etc which is fair enough. She has already booked us a family suite at the hotel. I am seeing her next weekend so will talk about this and see how she feels.

OP posts:

chelstonmum · 06/02/2011 19:51

I am in the same position (well, almost).

My sister gets married next June, I am her Matron of Honour and currently 7+4pg. When I told her we were trying she was so happy for us and we jokingly said if we had no luck before the 10mths to go mark, we would delay trying for 8 weeks to avoid a joint wedding/birth/baptism!

She couldnt have cared less whether I was pg, new mum or not at wedding and is now excitedly chattering about having 3 nieces/nephews at her wedding!

P.s, the Dessy group do some lovely maternity bridesmaid dresses to match others.x

northerngirl41 · 06/02/2011 19:55

I too wouldn't put my life on old for a one-day event.

However I would be prepared to go along with what she wanted to do with regards to the day itself. So she might want you to step down as a bridesmaid, she might want you to find a babysitter and she might want you just to do whatever you feel up to doing.... But as all this is hypothetical, you don't need to have the conversation until you know you are definitely pregnant and that it'll definitely alter plans.

No reasonable person would be expecting you to put off TTC for a wedding.

However I think the problem may creep in if she asks you to do something you don't want to with regards to the baby at the wedding - I know an awful lot of brides who wouldn't want the baby there but would expect their sister to attend.

Laquitar · 06/02/2011 20:17

Are you serious?
You cant hold back your life for your sister's wedding.

But in the meantime don't assume that you ll be pregnant in the first month because if you dont you ll get disapointed and you will start calculating dates again.

breatheslowly · 06/02/2011 20:20

Not wishing to be negative - but how would you feel if you left it and then didn't conceive? I would imagine you would look back with great sadness that you didn't try earlier, when you first thought about it all so that you could fit in a dress or not disrupt your DSis's big day. If you were my DSis I think I would have already considered it as it is not uncommon for people with one baby to have another, I doubt it would be a massive surprise to her. You could skip a month of trying so that you aren't actually due on/around her wedding day. I had to miss a family event as I was overdue, but it wasn't as big an event as a wedding. Having had a baby I would say that it is a much bigger, more life changing event than a wedding.

BeatriceLaBranche · 06/02/2011 20:20

It really does depend on the kind of person she is. I was "sacked" as MOH for not being able to promise that I wouldn't be pregnant. We were actively ttc and I was taking clomid, it really wasn't an option to stop. (As well as being very hurtful that she asked)

My friend is normally the nicest kindest person you could meet, I think the whole thing just overtook her. In the end her wedding was called off 8 weeks beforehand and DS was born just over a week after the wedding date.

It did take a long time for our friendship to recover, but it has, for which I am glad.

hairylights · 06/02/2011 20:23

OP, what on earth are you talking about - delay trying for a baby simply because you are going to be a bridesmaid? What a prepostoerous proposition!

People can't expect you to put your life on hold, just because you're going to be a bridesmaid!!

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