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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to decide that I am going to be a 20th century middle-aged person and not 21st century one

26 replies

activate · 06/02/2011 13:09

I don't want to care how I look

I want to embrace my wobbly bits and middle-aged spread

I'm not interested in a 20 year old thinking me a MILF - fuck off, I like my men aged like a good wine they get better

so I shall go and buy a twin-set and shop in those catalogues

Dear Older Celebrity Role Models please eat, relish your food and relax - you've earned it

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 06/02/2011 13:20

OK then.

But remember avoiding putting on weight with age is not just for looks - you want to protect your heart etc.

StarlightPrincess · 06/02/2011 13:21

YANBU, do what you want! I know though when I get to middle age, I won't be doing the same as you.

Original poster
activate · 06/02/2011 13:23

Trillian you have spectularly missed the point I was trying to make - or I have spectacularly miscommunicated

I just want to chill

I don't want to pretent to be a nubile 20 year old or have it expected of me

it is about time we stop putting teenage pressure on ourselves

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 06/02/2011 13:26

Not that spectatular really, just emphasising that there is a middle ground between 'pretending to be a 20 year old' and 'letting it all go'. :)

Do you actually want to wear a twinset? If so, go ahead. But you don't have to just to stick it to the magazines/media/patriarchy/etc.

happyclapper · 07/02/2011 15:23

YANBU. I know exactly what you mean. I am 47, in quite good nick but at that horrible stage of not really feeling attractive any more but don't want to feel I'm on the decline either. Am looking forward to going over the brow of the hill so to speak and cultivating a middle-aged bohemian vibe.

coatgate · 07/02/2011 15:26

I am 51 and look like shit most of the time, but in my head I am still quite fabulous.

wendihouse22 · 07/02/2011 15:34

coatgate......you ARE fabulous! You've reached 51.....some people don't even get that far!

I know what you mean OP. I'm 50 next year and frankly, though I don't think I'll let it all hang out, I'm TIRED of worrying what I look like.

I feel better now than I did in my 20's. Yes I have lines around my eyes and cellulite but with a bit of well applied makeup I still feel attractive. I have great hair. I'm lucky......I used to work on a chemo unit and people had no hair.

It's all relative isn't it? Seeing the glass half full and all that?
I also have the love of a good man and it was a long long time coming. That too helps!

QuickLookBusy · 07/02/2011 15:44

AH I'm middle aged, and I really understand where you are coming from.

I like a nice cardi or a good thick jumper to keep me warm.

I also know there isn't a cream or diet which will stop the wrinkles, so I don't bother trying to find the "miracle" cream.

When I see these older "stars" with their hard, shiney, wrinkle free faces I want to shout "let it go love, let it go!" But at least they have an excuse of being in the public eye. When you see a 45 year old dressed in mini skirt, thigh high boots and a tight top[yes I did witness this recently, at a "do"] it just feel quite sad for them.

notsweatingthesmallstuff · 07/02/2011 15:51

Know just what you mean. Fifty next year and i am finally getting comfortable in my own skin - even if it is a bit wrinkly and saggy! I'm letting the grey hairs stay, wearing what's comfy, and enjoying the wisdom!I dont intend to let myself go to the dogs, but am sure there are more important things to be thinking about than my middle age spread and senior moments. Have you read "when i get old i shall wear purple"?

wendihouse22 · 08/02/2011 09:57

This thread is brilliant!!

How refreshing to read of same age girls defying the "you should look like this.....or die trying" way of thinking!!

I could do with losing 10 lbs but apart from that, I'm very pleased I've got this far....everything still works (apart from NEEDING those glasses now, rather than just wanting them to look intelligent) and it's soooo good not having to try so hard!

Must get that extra 10 lbs shifted though!

notsweatingthesmallstuff · 08/02/2011 10:30

Wendihouse, remember that 10lbs will keep your skin stretched a bit, so you wont go wrinkly so quickly! I need to lose a bit more (ok a lot more) than that, but have decided to be content with eating moderately well, exercising fairly regularly, and letting the pounds stay or go, whatever. I feel that this is the decade for my mind, not my body, so as long as my body does a good job of supporting my brain, thats all I want really!

purplepidjin · 08/02/2011 10:42

Warning
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Jenny Joseph

Housemum · 08/02/2011 11:17

This is so much like the thread I didn't get round to starting the other day! I want to be like women in their 40's were when I was a child - smart, not hugely overweight, just not trying to be a size 8 stick insect wearing clothes that were designed for 18 year olds. I looked forward to being a "grown up" but someone changed the rules while I was doing the growing up!

rubyrubyruby · 08/02/2011 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Udderly · 08/02/2011 11:24

My faith in humanity has been restored! Grin

Mumcentreplus · 08/02/2011 11:42

That poem rocks! Grin

Punkatheart · 08/02/2011 11:45

I shall be a rude but funny old lady who pinches young men's bottoms.

All the twinsets will be sold out! Most go! Actually I am thinking of tweed, maybe a pipe.....

juuule · 08/02/2011 11:45

Purplepidjin - I love that poem (always makes me smile). I used to keep a copy of it in the kitchen. I think I'll resurrect it.

QuestionNumber · 08/02/2011 11:58

YANBU :)

Much more fun and interesting to get on with life without trying to look a certain way.

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 08/02/2011 12:03

I am looking forward to using the word 'impertinent' a lot.
as in, 'Young man, don't be impertinent!' when a public sector worker tries to address me by my first name.

wendihouse22 · 08/02/2011 12:04

Purplepidgeon....I like the poem but think you'd get locked up for behaving like. Some twenty-something (but looks about 18) doctor asking you questions about who's the prime minister and what did you have for breakfast!

Notsweatingthesmallstuff....I like it. I think you're right. Being healthy is key. And a smile....makes you look good, whatever age.

There's a young mum at my son's school who is a pretty and petite little thing who ALWAYS looks like she has had a bad day. She drives a new black Porche 4 x 4 and has the look of a woman who despite not needing to work, can spend whatever she likes on looking great. And she does......up to a point. I want to say "you're such a lovely looking girl but you really ought to try a smile every now and again".

Look at Judi Dench. She facinates me, she's so lovely at 70-odd.

meantosay · 08/02/2011 12:08

I think I will let my bohemian side run riot and step out in flowery dresses and wellies in the middle of Summer.

purplepidjin · 08/02/2011 12:21

sethstark add vexatious to the list Grin

"Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit"

notsweatingthesmallstuff · 08/02/2011 14:19

Bohemian! I want to be bohemian, that's definitely what I aspire to, I just didnt know it till now. Just been talking to a friend of a similar age who I havent seen for ages and she said, without knowing about this thread "i have just reached the age where I have stopped taking shit off people, and can say "no" about requests without giving an excuse." Another great thing about middle age.

QuestionNumber · 08/02/2011 15:07

Ooh, Bohemian sounds good :o