Is it unreasonable to discuss men you fancy with your friends

[jinglebelly]

.....when you're happily married?

No James Roday is very nice thank you very much and I'm happily married.

You can appreciate eye candy when married.

Depends-if it's fantasy figure film stars then it's harmless, but if it's a neighbour/friend/colleague then that's a bit crass!
Normal to fancy people, but no need to talk about it if they're real.

Mind you, I have had a brief giggle with friends eg 'new dad on school run seems really nice' 'yes really nice' smirk, but no more is said.

Oh yes: I enjoy doing this - but only really with the one friend who shares exactly the same taste in men; I think he has excellent taste! (But DH finds it a bit too weird).

Yes defineme says.

Probably best not to mention that you really fancy your friend's husband for example

I discuss men i fancy with my partner and vice versa. I'm in a long term relationship - i'm not blind..

I might, with one really good friend - she and I like a good gossip about the state of our circle of friends' marriages/divorces/affairs, but we are über discreet and keep this to the privacy of our kitchens!

Only I never fancy anyone as much as my DP apart from one former boyfriend.

ningthemerciless - how do you feel if he says he fancies someone you know?

It depends. If it's Brad Pitt or Dermott O'Leary or some unobtainable person then no, it's harmless fun. If it's your boss or your sister's boyfriend or a mutual friend's husband then ABSO-bloody-LUTELY, it's unreasonable. Never never never do it. It will end in tears.

I am the same as ningthemerciless. I just say to my husband or my friends. My husband knows I think some of his work mates are attractive. Its no big deal, its not like I am going to run off with them!

I agree that I am married not blind

Course not!!!!

This reminds me of that Peter Kay advert,haha

famous people/celebs okay

people you know/NO!

Friends and I seem to have an unspoken rule. "Phwoargh, that Cheryl Cole/ Michelle Pfeiifer etc. is a bit of all right, eh eh" is fine. "I wouldn't mind giving Becky's mum one" is a bit off.

Suppose the difference is between "fancying" and saying someone is good looking..

I would have no problem with chatting with my mates in a "god if I was single I would go for him" sort of way, but we are all happily married and faithful to our blokes, so we know it is just idle chatter...

Don't know, I must say I discussed a very disturbingly strong crush with a close friend and it was as though a weight was lifted from my shoulders. She helped me talk through all the things I was thinking without judging me, and I'm now more happily married than ever, with the crush long gone. At the time I considered leaving my husband so discussing it with a trusted friend was the best thing I could do.

Helped that although my friend slightly knows my hubby, she is not directly his friend, so was a bit detached, and wouldn't ever have to face him after knowing what I told her.

i'd say it's essential

jinglebelly - sometimes I'm a bit cos his taste can be questionable (except for me natch) and yes sometimes I do feel a twinge of jealousy but ultimately I know that he's not going to run off with her.

Blokes do it differently, IME. We just notice the hottie, then look to each other with a gently nod and maybe a raised eyebrow. We have too many other interesting things to actually talk about.....

Yes, but only if the men are ones you would never ever meet.

I can't think of any actual real life men-I-know that I fancy enough to discuss with friends, but I have plenty of unobtainable ones that we're happy to gossip about. I have to say though that that sort of talk is more with friends who have the same interests (in the actor or the fandom of whatever they're in) I don't think it's with any 'Mum' friends.

Actually I can think of one, very long term friend who confided in me she has a massive crush on a particular actor. She was pretty embarrassed about it at the time, and I think, a bit worried about my reaction.

This reminds me of that beer advert with Peter Kay.

Unquiet dad has it spot on, I tease my husband about his Halle Berry crush, but if he starts going on and on about how attractive a woman in the toddler group, this is extremely irritating and he would be told to shut up. We do discuss how good-looking people are if we meet them though, say a new couple, but not that much, a passing comment. My work colleagues definitely discuss who is hot in our workplace, sadly the hotties are few and far between (women and men!)

I am in love with Joe Manganiello

But happily married to someone who looks like Hugh Fernley whittingstall

I discuss men I fancy with DP himself. it is usually johnny depp etc but once, I jokingly said I'd spotted a hunky chap in the school playground and he was just my type. Described him to DP and we had a laugh. A couple of years later, DP made friends wit this bloke when he started doing the school run. We even went out for drinks etc. DP was amused at how red I used to go in front of the chap.

Oh i will tell DH about the hunky plmuber we had visit.

same as he will tell me all about the sales rep who came to the office in a short skirt and long eyelashes.

when he tells me he hs done her over the photocopier it will be a problem, till then i don't mind.