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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

faking pnd to avoid going back to work

41 replies

AuntiePickleBottom · 06/02/2011 09:09

a friend of mine is planning to do this, i really am fuming about it.

i have been battling PND for ages now and finally have in under control with help from medication.

why would anyone want depression on there medical notes, for the sake of not going to work.

OP posts:
ThePosieParker · 06/02/2011 09:10

I always think it's rather risky to tempt fate like this.

BelleDameSansMerci · 06/02/2011 09:16

Stupid, selfish, inconsiderate friend.

Leaving aside the fact that this is effectively fraud if she receiving either a salary or maternity pay, it is precisely this type of behaviour that makes it difficult for women genuinely suffering to receive the support they need from the workplace. Also, is she going to accept any counselling or support offered that could have gone to someone genuinely in need?

Northernlurker · 06/02/2011 09:18

I think if she really can't face wok then it's possible she is depressed.

onimolap · 06/02/2011 09:19

The question here is integrity.

She is planning to lie to secure time off.

I can see her choice of lie is particularly distressing to you, as a genuine sufferer of the condition she has in mind. But frankly it's wrong whatever condition is being faked.

Lulumaam · 06/02/2011 09:20

agree with NL. it doesn't sound like she's really thinking straight...

perhaps she does not want the pressure of work and wants to be at home enjoying her baby..? is this her first baby? what sort of job is it? how old is the baby going to be when she's supposed to go back?

have you spoken to your friend?

sounds pretty desperate if she's going to fake an illness that attracts a lot of misunderstanding and stigma..

spongebobsquareknickers · 06/02/2011 09:25

i have a relative that did this.

in "pretending" that she was depressed, she actually got the help she needed and will now admit that she was depressed.

im sure you know its very hard to admit to, i wouldnt jusdge so quickly. as northern said, if she cant face work, does that not ring alarm bells?

Original poster
AuntiePickleBottom · 06/02/2011 09:25

baby is now 9 months old, and she is not depressed as she told me she is going to fake PND.

she does the breakfast for patients and works 20 hours a week.

she just don't want to go back, eventually she will but don't know how long

OP posts:
spongebobsquareknickers · 06/02/2011 09:29

When i was off work with depression (Pre rather than post natal) I told my colleagues (who I'm actually really close to) that I was stressed. Its much much easier to pretend you dont have depression. I would have thought as a PND sufferer yourself you could accept that?

Lulumaam · 06/02/2011 09:31

It is insensitive to tell you , who has PND, she is going to fake it.

it sounds totally irrational though

why not just resign if don't want to go back?

spongebobsquareknickers · 06/02/2011 09:31

Not saying she def isnt pretending btw, but I'd rather err on the side of caution for a friend.

2rebecca · 06/02/2011 09:31

How does her husband feel about this? I'd be very unimpressed if my bloke was using mental illness as an excuse to skive off work. What is she going to do if well meaning colleagues and friends phone up asking about her? How long is she planning to lie to her GP and colleagues for? What is she telling her family?
Does she really want everyone either feeling sorry for her or thinking her a manipulative cow depending on whether they are told the truth or not?
Suspect she hasn't thought this through and may be a bit depressed.

Northernlurker · 06/02/2011 09:32

OP - there is something wrong here. Your friend's baby is of an age that many are very happy to leave them for a short time. She only does 20 hours - but she can't face it.

Saying you're going to fake something doesn't mean she doesn't have it already!

How about you try showing her some understanding and encourage her to talk about how she feels more generally?

spongebobsquareknickers · 06/02/2011 09:35

To an extent, I could carry on as "normal" when people didnt know, I had to hide how I felt and so things got done. Obviously there were days when this wasnt possible though.
If anyone asked how I was feeling, I would break down. If they didnt know, they didnt ask.

BelleDameSansMerci · 06/02/2011 09:37

Is it, though, that she can't face going back or that she doesn't want to? I can see that she may really have a problem but I imagine the OP knows by the tone/way in which this message has been delivered whether this is the case or not.

FreudianSlippery · 06/02/2011 09:38

Fucking hell.

If she's not actually depressed then she needs to just FFS.

Seriously, I can't believe someone would do that. Jeez. That is so immoral.

FreudianSlippery · 06/02/2011 09:39

Oops meant to say she should just grow some balls and resign FFS.

Original poster
AuntiePickleBottom · 06/02/2011 09:41

think i will invite her around for a coffe and a chat tomorrow, pehaps she told me this as she does want help.

OP posts:
FreudianSlippery · 06/02/2011 09:41

I don't get the logic that she has it but she's hiding it - if she does have PND, she's double bluffing, so people will think she has PND, so that isn't hiding it is it Confused

FellatioNelson · 06/02/2011 09:43

Has is occurred to anyone that she might just be utterly fed up and unhappy at the thought of having to go back to work and leave her child when she'd rather be a SAHM for a bit longer? The fact that she's dreading going back to work is NOT a sure sign that she is clinically depressed. It is possible to be really quite unhappy about something without having to give it a a mental illness label.

Not advocating what she's planning on doing, BTW, just pointing out that whilst she may be in denial about depression, it's far more likely that she's just enjoying being at home with her baby and doesn't want it to end. Perhaps she doesn't really like her job.

spongebobsquareknickers · 06/02/2011 09:49

In that case felatio , OP should encourage her to quit! :)
The company I work for has had people sign themselves off sick and never come back so many times and i hated having to work twice as hard as they cant replace someone whos sick

TyraG · 06/02/2011 09:50

That's a horrible thing to do. Especially with so many women who are genuinely battling it. It's a slap in the face to anyone who has ever had to deal with PND.

DizzyKipper · 06/02/2011 09:52

Ditto what FellatioNelson said - lots of people don't like going to work and act deviously to get time off - this doesn't necessarily mean she is in fact suffering from depression!

gorionine · 06/02/2011 09:54

Totally agree with Onimolap. It does not matter what condition she is faking it is just wrong full stop.

spongebobsquareknickers · 06/02/2011 09:55

No, but if its out of character it does suggest that somethings wrong.

Btw, has her maternity leave ended, or just the paid bit? If just the paid bit, could she stay off if she does just want to stay with the baby??

StealthPolarBear · 06/02/2011 09:59

Someone suggested this to me as I went off on ML - "to have another 6 months off" - some people are just lazy and looking for excuses to avoid work (and plenty aren't!).

"why not just resign if don't want to go back?"
Because she will get sick pay, presumably