AIBU in hoping to start a new relationship via internet dating in my 40s?

[janelikesjam]

I am in my mid-late 40s and am reasonably attractive, look younger than my years, am self-educated, cultured, a bit unconventional, with a lot to offer I have been told! (sorry, done too many "profiles"!)

Have been doing internet dating for a few months but its been increasingly disappointing. I am not cynical, but am getting very frustrated that whats on offer in the opposite sex is mostly so physically unprepossessing / mentally dull with few exceptions (and those exceptions aren't interested in me!).

I have very few opportunity to meet men as a I am single parent in restricted circumstances, so this is one of the few ways I can meet single men.

Am I fooling myself, or have other people found positive experiences "online" in the end? Is it just sheer stamina and persistence, or should I just give up?

Online dating, these days, is just another method of finding a companion.

Have you tried something like camfrog.com?

We messed about on it when we were in uni, it's like a list of chat room forums, but everyone has a webcam-you can specify the rooms, UK, USA, Asia etc. It isn't a dating site but I'm sure people meet up from there.

Failing that, have you tried speed dating?

I think its the modern way of meeting new friends, who MAY lead to be a romance.

I have a few friends in the USA who are solvent single 40's, who have got fed up with bars and use reputable on-line agencies as a way to meet potential partners.

I am going to a wedding of one of them next year!

I will try and find the name of the agency that they used,as its one of the international ones that is known to be reputable.

No go for it. A friend found a partner (after many whoops's)and is very happy with him. good luck! :)

I found my partner on facebook. I say go for it :o

I know of at least three people who are now in long term serious relationships that were in their 30's-40's with kids and found thier OH's through the internet. I also know one couple who are now married and she was 41 when she started internet dating. I think if you choose your site wisely and very much date like the yanks do to begin with to find your feet then I think you will have fun. I did it a Uni met some right strange people but also some nice ones but I realised I wasn't in the mood or serious about getting into a relationship so I stopped.
Enjoy and if you come across some funny moments and strange people post about them on here

eHarmony is the one my friends have all used.

I trust you are using a paying site? Have you done some research on the best ones?

My mother met her partner on the internet when she was late fifties, they have been together 10 years this year.

My sister in law was in her forties when she met her now husband.

You have to remember that there are a lot of frogs to go through before you find your prince.

Having internet dated ten years ago and got through 50 dates without finding the one it can get disheartening.

Try not to be so narrow in your search.

You have to click like you would anybody who you met anywhere before you even consider meeting.

Build up an online rapport!

Good luck.

I know its not quite the same but I met my DH through the newspaper ads, if internet dating had been avilable Im sure I would have done that to. I was a single parent at the time and found it difficult to meet men. That was nearly 14 years ago, were now married with 2 boys.

Match.com has worked for many of our friends, I know at least four of my friends have met their partners on it.

Sarah Beeney's site mysinglefriend is supposed to be good too.

A guy at work went on a singles weekend to paris and met his now wife, he's in his forties too. He said it was full of like minded people. Although I appreciate this could be expensive and childcare may be an issue for you.

Good luck janelikesjam, you sound lovely!

I've never done it but I believe Match.com is free for ladies to join?

Just to clarify, the singles weekend was a cultural/sightseeing tour, not like a random party in a Paris hotel!

My mother used Datingdirect.com, and eHarmony looks good if you want to meet someone more on the personality match side.

I would disagree with building up an online rapport, thats where lies can build and fester. Meet them soonish if they are local as thats the only way to really tell what they are like :)

Mrs Hammond Im not talking about over weeks, but you have to have a reason to want to meet them, not get there name and arrange a date, I mean over a period of a week see if you can hold a conversation via emails, get the buzz.

Don't allow it to continue for ages.

I think after initial contact and you have some things in common then meet.

I have had in excess of 60 online dates! Met my current partner though via eBay.

fabbychic - wow, through Ebay? I know you can buy some unusual stuff there but that takes the biscuit.

Ahh fair enough. I had about a week of chatting online for a few hours at a time before i met my partner. Like you (fabbychic) i had a few duff dates along the way, it's no different to meeting guys in bars really :)

I would also advise not to do the whole dinner/bar date do something out of the ordinary and fun to break the ice :)

I met my lovely partner playing World of Warcraft.

Never really tried dating sites though.

Plenty of fish is free. Be prepared for some odd balls but there are nice guys out there.

My very posh friend (1st class travel,designer clothes etc) got chatting to a guy on line. They got on brilliantly and agreed to meet , even though she hadn't seen his photo.
She waited at agreed meeting place and saw,to her horror, a man walk towards her in baggy khaki shorts a hawaiian shirt and a fishing hat!
They've been ecstatically happily married for 6 years now.
Good Luck

I have found soon is good too, as fantasies can get out of control, though building just a little rapport online can be helpful.

But I am still not meeting men who i find attractive and interesting. When I meet them then they nearly always want to see me again but with one exception (and he turned out to be crazy, naturellement) I have not felt even slightly physically/ romantically interested in the men I have come across :(

sigh ...

Keep plodding along and you'll find him

I would avoid the free ones. Very little vetting and plenty of scope for bullshit.

p.s. Sharon, your friend's experience sounds very charming, romantic :)

I would approach any new contact as a friendship, and not expect anything more, then if you do find them attractive, it will be a bonus.

Use it to create new friends who you can call on for social occasions, no strings attached (I am not talking the sex with no strings attached as personally I find that wrong).. but get as far as common ground for friendship, meet up and see how it goes. You might meet a nice bloke as a mate, who has George Clooneys double for a brother who he introduces you to..

Having tried both free and paid for sites, I dont think there's much in it IMO

Just about every bloke on all sites is easy going , laid back and lives life to the full!!!

On the free sites you are more chance of meeting someone who just wants a shag.

Those who are serious about meeting a potential life partner pay for it because you get less shit to sift through.