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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Discipline of DCs in public

63 replies

sevenstarsinthesky · 04/02/2011 22:45

I saw a woman "carrying" her screaming toddler crying and sobbing across a supermarket car park dangling by the hand. She piled her into a white van with bloke and other kids waiting and sped off.

Don't get me wrong, I'm the last to get all judgey pants on the world. I've been known to rugby-ball carry my 2yoDD back home from the shops before so I have no place. Pot kettle black nallthat. I just couldn't help feeling 'whatiftheressomethinguntowardgoingon', 'shouldistepin', etc.

Poor little mite was so unhappy and her mum just seemed to be so irate. Broke my heart to think of any child being that miserable, let alone at the hands of a parent. But I know, down to experience, that they're not angels all the time.

OP posts:
mutznutz · 04/02/2011 22:47

I don't agree with parents dangling their kids by the hand...apart from that, she may have simply been dealing with a nasty tantrum.

I'd sooner see that (apart from the hand dangling) than the parent screaming foul language at the child...which is often the case around here.

bubblewrapped · 04/02/2011 22:49

I would be more concerned about too many passengers in a van without seatbelts on, which is illegal.

wonka · 04/02/2011 22:49

A toddler having a tantrum at a supermarket? Really that is unusual, maybe it was something untoward?

MorticiaAddams · 04/02/2011 22:50

It does sound like a tantrum and a Mum who has had enough but the dangling by the arm sounds pretty awful.

I have done my fair share of tucking a screaming toddler firmly under my arm and then pinning them down into their car seat to fight the back arching and screaming whilst I get the seat done up. No foul language though.

NestaFiesta · 04/02/2011 22:51

YABU. That's only a snapshot of that woman's life. I have been sent to purgatory and back by my DS1 both in public and private. He always looks miserable and cries when I discipline him/refuse sweets/drag him kicking and screaming out of a shop.

None of this means he is an unhappy child, or that I'm a bad mother, it just means its probably a Saturday.

Anyway, you don't know what the toddler did- maybe try and set fire to someone or bite an old lady?

Original poster
sevenstarsinthesky · 04/02/2011 22:52

wonka, you're absolutely right. I just love that advert where the woman throws herself on the floor and mimicks a toddler tantrum to diffuse the situation and totally empathise with that. There was just something else about this one... But maybe it was just my "time of the month" or something!

OP posts:
GreenEyesandHam · 04/02/2011 22:52

Now now, if she'd have 'piled' into a Volvo estate would you feel as bad?

Hmmmmmm??

Seriously, you said it yourself, you've done similar yourself. Don't they all look like their heart is breaking when they're doing the sobbing? Doesn't mean they weren't being absolute buggers a minute before

Ragwort · 04/02/2011 22:53

'I'm the last to get all judgey pants on the world' - really Hmm ?

Why comment then ?

Original poster
sevenstarsinthesky · 04/02/2011 22:54

nestfiesta, I totally agree. I am in no place to make a judgement. I just couldn't stop the involuntary pang in my heart.

OP posts:
NestaFiesta · 04/02/2011 22:54

BTW, I don't literally drag DS1.

Original poster
sevenstarsinthesky · 04/02/2011 22:55

Sorry, greeneyesandham - ref to the white van totally unreasonable. Thank you for pulling me up on that. Blush

OP posts:
GreenEyesandHam · 04/02/2011 22:55

I'm a dragger lol

Pictish · 04/02/2011 22:56

Gosh look - there's a toddler having chucking a hooly in the supermarket, and her mother looks rather irate.

And they have a van.....

Definitely shady.

GreenEyesandHam · 04/02/2011 22:59

Aww sevenstarsinthesky it was a gentle tease :)

Give yourself a break, it's nice that you cared.

The sound of a child crying can actually be very distressing so I do understand where you were coming from

Original poster
sevenstarsinthesky · 04/02/2011 22:59

ragwort - I realised at the time that I had no place to comment but I couldn't stop the instictive feelings. I'm absolutely sure that I was spotted carrying my toddler home mid-tantrum that time by my well-meaning neighbours and would be humungously surprised if they didn't cast judgement on my abilities as a mother. Just wondering if there is an interesting observation on human nature here....

OP posts:
mutznutz · 04/02/2011 22:59

BTW OP...I can totally understand that 'heavy heart' feeling you get when you see a little one crying their eyes out..it does get to you.

But to combat it, I think of all the times my kids have cried their eyes out because I've disciplined them...and it kind of takes that sad feeling away.

bubblewrapped · 04/02/2011 23:01

I am quite serious though.. it really does piss me off seeing vans with a couple of unrestrained kids in the front.. van windows are at seat level, so much easier for a small child to fly right through the windscreen.. :(

Original poster
sevenstarsinthesky · 04/02/2011 23:01

Grin pictish. Blush again.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 04/02/2011 23:03

'I'm a dragger lol'

Hopefully joking there greeneyes, I got my elbow joint dislocated by being picked up by my arm, not good.

Original poster
sevenstarsinthesky · 04/02/2011 23:03

bubblewrapped - cannot be sure there were any kids unrestrained. Although it was one of the bigger white vans and I'm sure there were two adults and two kids so probably not enough seats for people. Confused

OP posts:
Pictish · 04/02/2011 23:03
Grin

Tis ok...I understand where you are coming from. I hate seeing kids yanked along crying.

LucaBrasi · 04/02/2011 23:08

Always enjoy seeing the tantrums in the supermarket, just to give the sympathetic nods to the poor mother there. as we have all been.

AgentZigzag · 04/02/2011 23:11

'just to give the sympathetic nods to the poor mother there'

Which in the mums crazed brain is taken as a judgemental gavel that everybody's looking

JamieLeeCurtis · 04/02/2011 23:11

There were definitely a few snapshots during the toddler years which would not have covered me in glory. A few dragging incidents

GreenEyesandHam · 04/02/2011 23:12

Not by the hands/arms AgentZigzag no- I couldn't even if I wanted to, he's nearly as big as me (giant Dad)