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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What Wold You have Done?

36 replies

fishtankneedscleaning · 04/02/2011 21:27

Ok. I need to rant!

My dd (9) has friends over to play after school. She is also invited to play at theirs.

This evening I had a mother knock my door (Who I had never seen before). She said "My daughter woould like to come to play with your daughter but she has never been asked. I know that (your dd) asks other children over and my dd feels out of it".

By this time I must have looked stupid because I was standing with my mmouth open and did not know what to say (I was speechless!)

My dd has never mentioned this child!

She went on to say "I will speak to my dd and tell her she can come to tea with (your dd) next Monday ok?" I said, "My dd will not be available nex Monday as she has been invited to a friends home for tea. If she invites your dd for tea one day your dd will be made to feel welcome". The mum went off in a huff saying, "Yeah that'll be the day when my dd is invited. As a neighbour you should make sure our DC get the opportunity to play together".

My dd has never been invited to hers for tea!!

AIBU in thinking this mum is not doing her dd any favours?

OP posts:

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 04/02/2011 21:28

Put barbed wire up.....and some sandbags.....nutter

cantspel · 04/02/2011 21:30

If the daughter is like the mother i can see why your child hasn't invited her to tea.

exexpat · 04/02/2011 21:31

I think I would just have been and speechless. But if you see her again, maybe you should say that the way it usually works is to invite other children yourself, then wait for reciprocal invites?

Though I must admit I'd have doubts about sending a child to play at her house after that....

WimpleOfTheBallet · 04/02/2011 21:31

I would have looked like this

And probably said "Oh ok"

As I am crap in situations like that.

I once allowed myDD to be railroaded into a play date with another 6 year old who had hit her in the past...her Mother was SO bolshy and bossy...and she caught me off guard.

Next time it happened I had my ammo (kindly provided by Mumsnet)

And said "I will ask DD how she feel about it"

What does the nutter do? She ASKS DD in such an agressive bossy way that had DD been a shyer girl she would have agreed. Luckily DD knows the power of silence and a Wednesday like stare.

Sorry for the hijack...if I were you I would say to the woman when you get the chance "Does your DD ever ask any children over to play?"

Just to be nice. It's awful being socially isolated and the kid may be suffering thanks toher nutjob Mum.

bubblewrapped · 04/02/2011 21:31

Are they new to the area?

igetmorelovefromthecat · 04/02/2011 21:36

What a fruit cake.

I think a more traditional way of dealing with that would be for her to knock on the door and suggest that it would be lovely for your dc to get together and play one day as you are neighbours, and would your dd like to come and play on Monday?

Original poster

fishtankneedscleaning · 04/02/2011 21:37

bubblewrapped.

TBH we have only lived here 4 months. Yet my dd seems to be socially included. I don't know how long the nutjob other family have lived here.

OP posts:

MrsNonSmoker · 04/02/2011 21:40

Wow. If there was a prize for the loonish loon on your doorstep today, you would get it for her - I don't know what to say. Christ they're not at school together as well are they?

bubblewrapped · 04/02/2011 21:42

She sounds a bit of a lunatic and best avoided, but maybe her little girl is feeling left out... certainly not the right way to go about getting her some friends though! lol!!

Original poster

fishtankneedscleaning · 04/02/2011 22:01

I have no idea if they are at school together - my dd is sleeping over at her friends tonight so I cannot ask her.

My dd has made lots of friends in a short period of time but I have never heard her mention this child's name before.

I feel for the child if she feels socially excluded BUT I see my dd as a 9 year old who loves ghe compny of her peer group. I do not see her as a socail worker who is responsible for the needs of ALL ch8ildren.

OP posts:

TickettyBoo · 04/02/2011 22:03

Omg sounds like a complete fruitloop to me!

sadiesadiemarriedlady · 04/02/2011 22:04

That woman sounds very odd, just ignore her, very odd and very abrupt and rude.

jpg · 04/02/2011 22:06

Ha HA Ha, you don't live in Cambridge by any chance? There is someone in that fine city who I knew in a past life who would see no problem with doing that

allatsea1 · 04/02/2011 23:41

Aww I bet she's regretting it - she shouldn't have stormed over but she obviously can't stand seeing her little girl upset. Maybe casually ask your dd about her? Ask whether she is left out?

mutznutz · 04/02/2011 23:44

There was a thread on here a few weeks ago where a woman was annoyed that her daughter never got invited to play with some other girls..because the Mums were all friends and in a 'clique'

A few posters advised her to ask the Mums to invite her daughter around

goodnightmoon · 04/02/2011 23:46

if she wants them to play together, why not just invite your daughter round? her methods are very odd to say the least.

fifi25 · 05/02/2011 00:01

I was on a thread about my daughter having problems at school as the mothers at school were all in a clique. Dont know if thats the same thread. I agree she is not doing her daugter any favours. She probably stormed in without thinking. I cant imagine how the daughter would feel going to someones house when no one really wants her there.

Original poster

fishtankneedscleaning · 05/02/2011 01:39

Hello again.

The mother has been around again asking if her dd can come in to play with my dd - who is having a sleepover at her friends house.

I invited the mother (and dd) in for a cuppa and a chat. It seems that her dd is in the same school as my dd but not in the same class. My dd is year 4. Her dd is year 3. Also she does not live near us.

After having her here for over an hour she is quite positively a cheeky cow!!

She went on and on about how she hasnt got a babysitter for her children and she needs a night out. She even said that as I am a foster carer and have my dd's friends round twice a week I must love children and could have "a loan" of hers whenever I wanted to!!

My other neighbour - one that my dd is really good friends with her dd - seems to think she can palm her child off with me anytime she wants to go to the pub - at very short notice!

I think people assume I am the village unpaid babysitter here.

Help MNetters. How can I get out of this without being rude to my dd's best friends mum???

OP posts:

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 05/02/2011 01:57

Fishtank - your yanking our chain aren't you!! Her and her DD came around after 10pm and you invited them in for a chat

You are either yanking our chains or are as daft as a brush!

Original poster

fishtankneedscleaning · 05/02/2011 10:41

Chipping. No I am being deadly serious! Turns out the mother and dd had been round to my neighbours. She called in to ask AGAIN if her dd could come round to play. The mother looked upset, which is why I invited her in. (As well as trying to get to the bottom of why she thinks its ok to knock peoples doors and insist they have her dd over for tea!)

Turns out the mother does have problems but I still think she is out of order expecting random people to care for her kids. It seems my neighbour (whose dd comes round here often) had mentioned to her that her dd loves to come round for tea and sleepovers.

As I have already said she does have some problems but I still do not think she should be asking me (She doesn't even know me) to babysit for her. She is not even a neighbour! I told her this in no uncertain terms.

TBH I feel a bit sorry for her this morning as she was clearly upset last night that her dd does not seem to have any friends.

When my dd comes home from her sleepover later today I will ask her if she knows the child and if so maybe suggest she invite her to play one day and take it from there.

OP posts:

lookatthetime · 05/02/2011 11:15

Absolute cheeky bint! Doesn't surprise me thou. It seems to be normal for mothers to be out with their kids late at night around here. My neighbour takes hers to the pub with her because she can't find a babysitter for her very cheeky obnoxious brats.

I would be very wary of this woman. If her dd has no friends there is probably a very good reason for this.

mutznutz · 05/02/2011 11:24

What time did she actually knock on your door last night?

KangarooCaught · 05/02/2011 11:26

Just

The mother's cheek & sense of entitlement is astonishing re free babysitting service, plus making you, a complete stranger, responsible for her dd's happiness. I'd be irked with your neighbour too.

verytellytubby · 05/02/2011 11:42

Bizarre.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 05/02/2011 11:49

I would back right off. Sounds like she's trying to pave the way to drop her child on you on regular basis.

Let it be known now that you do not have mug printed on your forehead!

And there's actually nothing wrong with saying "sorry, but they aren't in the same class, not even the same year. I think it would be more appropriate for you to try to speak to the other parents in your daughter's own class if you are trying to help her to make friends."

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