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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a bit of a rest during 2nd pregnancy?

30 replies

Caz10 · 04/02/2011 20:21

Or is this just the reality with 2nd/subsequent pregnancies?!

I am in my 3rd trimester, work 4 days a week and have a toddler, so it probably goes without saying I am pretty tired!

Dh is very good in general - he probably has dd1 more than me due to working hours, he does loads of housework, again mainly due to being around the house more than I am. I'd say we both pull our weight pretty evenly (although he would disagree, but that's) another thread Grin)

Anyway, while he continues to do all that,I am doing just as much as I was pre-pregnancy, prob even more now than I was when I was so sick in 1st trimester, and quite frankly I'm bloody knackered and want a rest!

Am I just being a bit of a wimp?! I understand it is not like my first Pg where I could have nice afternoon naps on the weekend and stuff. Early nights not an option as I have work to do plus the usual household crap, although again Dh is very good and does most of it while I get Dd to bed, if he is around.

I'd just quite like someone to come along and say I'll take Dd so you can get your feet up for am hour! Or does that just not happen once you have kids?!

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 04/02/2011 20:25

Sorry but pregnancy is not an illness.

What would you want your OH to do everything so you do nothing? You aren't sick you are just pregnant.

OTTMummA · 04/02/2011 20:33

get a cleaner?
got any luei days left?
Put DD in a Nursery for one morning a week etc?
It sounds like your DH does a lot already, i think you may have to find a solution for this yourself tbh.

DMCWelshCakes · 04/02/2011 20:33

Caz - you're not alone. It is harder 2nd time around. Am now also in 3rd trimester, work full time, have toddler & my DH definitely does his fair share.

And no we're not ill, but being pregnant does take a lot of energy. YANBU for being knackered & wanting a rest!

BlackSwan · 04/02/2011 20:40

Fabby - wow you're so supportive. No great revelation that pregnancy isn't an illness. Dull post really.

Caz - to borrow a line from Finding Nemo "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."

Today met a woman who is pg with her second and has a 1.5 yr old. I wonder how people cope! I find having a one yr old enough of a slog without being pg myself.

Enlist as much support as possible & make sure you do get some rest before the birth. As you already know... that's when it really kicks off.

moomaa · 04/02/2011 20:45

erm, difficult because there are tons of people that will have it harder than you with just your one toddler and your supportive DH but....... you are still allowed to feel tired.

You need to think of ways to help yourself though, get a cleaner, book a half days leave every week (you should have loads if you are due to go on maternity leave), take your maternity leave earlier, let standards slip at home etc etc.

eagerbeagle · 04/02/2011 20:45

nice fabby - being old is not an illness either but that doesn't mean it doesn't slow you down a bit and that you shouldn't be cut a little slack.

and just like older people differ in their mobility, some women have easy pregnancies and some have a harder time of it.

OP - see if you can budget in some down time, take some leave, see if a family member or a nursery can take DD for a while, look after yourself, you are likely to need your energies for when DC2 arrives.

JingleMum · 04/02/2011 20:48

some people.....

i think OP knows it's not an illness, she doesn't need to be told.

OP, YANBU. as other people have suggested is there a chance DD could go to nursery one day a week? any family that could help out now and again?

of course you deserve a rest and i hope you get one.

undercovamutha · 04/02/2011 20:49

Can't you find ways to rest on the weekends?

Your DH could take your DD to the park, shopping etc for a few hours whilst you had a nap. WHen I was pg with DC2, If I was really tired and DH was out, I used to lie in bed and doze whilst DD played with toys on the bed or watched some TV.

headfairy · 04/02/2011 20:50

It is really hard.... Are there any relatives around to give you some childfree time? I do think you have to be much more disciplined about taking naps. I found it all too easy to find something that needed doing when really I should have been lying down. Housework isn't that important, leave it to another day. It'll still be dusty next week :o

That said, life does get easier when your baby arrives. I found late pregnancy with a toddler to care for really wearing. Utterly exhausting. While a new born can leave you really sleep deprived, it's not that physical exhaustion you get in 3rd trimester.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 04/02/2011 20:51

With older kids FabbyChic has clearly forgotten how knackering young children and pregnancy are!

OP YANBU in wanting someone to come along and let you put your feet up for an hour - tiz the stuff of dreams! Just go easy on yourself, house doesn't have to be perfect, gourmet food doesn't need to be served 7 nights a week. Do you have parents or in-laws that would relish some quality time with DC1?

Original poster
Caz10 · 04/02/2011 21:05

Thanks all, appreciate all angles on this!

I know it's not an illness and I don't even think I'm having a massively difficult pregnancy, but there is no way I'm as energetic or able as I was pre-pregnancy, back/hip pain pretty bad now too. I also know there will be people out there doing it alone with 3 kids etc etc!

Weekends are seen as my time with Dd, often Dh is working but even when he's not he would never consider taking Dd away for a bit, that is probably the part that grates the most tbh. Or just little things like he could bath her and I could lie down for 20 mins, but that is seen to be my job too. I think I was just looking for a tiny occasional let up in the normal grind, and there isn't one!

Dd has just started nursery so I have 2.5hrs "off" on my day off, but I have to do housework and walk dog in that time, and we got in a massive row when I suggested otherwise!

I asked my mum a couple of times when I was at the throwing up stage but it was pretty useless, consisted of Dd bouncing on my head while she read the paper downstairs (again, another thread Grin).

I am definitely doing the dozing while Dd watches tv!! Feel bad but isn't forever, however this can only be done when Dh is out!

Anyone want a toddler for a few hours tomorrow?!!

OP posts:
MakemineaGandT · 04/02/2011 21:07

um, it is harder second time around. However, it is even harder once the baby has arrived - you really won't get much of a rest ever for a while (almost finished me off....) so I should stop complaining and enjoy your pregnancy!

HollyBollyBooBoo · 04/02/2011 21:08

Yep, ship her out to Toronto, I'll have her for a few days!

Original poster
Caz10 · 04/02/2011 21:18

Cheers Holly, she's quite cute!

I know what you mean re after baby comes G&T, I'm just hoping that removing work from the equation will make things a bit more bearable! Eg just about to start my marking now, at least that will be a thing of the past!

OP posts:
JingleMum · 04/02/2011 21:20

i really would take her off your hands for a few hours! you need a rest.

your DH is out of order, i think you need to tell him that you are really tired and he must see to DD for a few hours tomorrow whilst you rest. it's his child too and he's being unreasonable.

just remember it won't last forever, your two children will both be in school before you know it the way time flies Shock

mamas12 · 04/02/2011 21:24

Look I would go to bed on the weekend when your P is there and just say I have to do this or I won't be able to cope.

It is a huge starin or your body a physical load that only you can carry so he should carry more of the dd load so to speak.
Look after yourself and don't run yourself into the ground op.

MakemineaGandT · 04/02/2011 21:26

well that is certainly true Caz10! I feel I sounded a little harsh in my post......I do know how hard it is. I was a miserable ratbag in the last few weeks of my pregnancy as I was just so tired - it isn't easy with a toddler around, I know.

SconesForTea · 04/02/2011 21:28

Your DH won't bath your DD so that you get a rest? Hmm YANBU.

susiey · 04/02/2011 21:29

I became expert at sleeping on the sofa with one eye open dozing to the sound of finding nemo!
there is no easy answer I'm afraid any pregnancy after number 1 is so tiring i was often in my pj's before the kids and went to bed at the same time as them in pregnancy number 2 and 3

Original poster
Caz10 · 04/02/2011 21:42

Lol susie that is my dream (and absolutely my plan when I finish work!)

If back keeps getting worse I think I might just do as suggested and tell him I'm off for a lie down every now and again! I feel I'm operating on 2/3 of my normal capability what with pain and tiredness. Dd doesn't sleep well and nighttimes are "mine" too :(!

Sorry, that sounds very moany and self-indulgent! Can grin and bear it most of time, feeling hard done to tonight, must be the hormones!

OP posts:
Madinitials · 04/02/2011 22:47

I see where you're coming from Caz. I'm shattered, I'm overdue, DD is 17 months and I don't even work.

You need to tell DH what he needs to do so that you can get more rest, don't leave it to him to guess. I find bathing DD exhausting so we have our baths together so I don't have to lean over it to wash her - so much easier on the back - and DH baths her on the weekends.

Dropdeadfred · 04/02/2011 22:51

why are night times solely yours? and what would your dh do if you dozed whilst h was there??
could you get your MW to pop by and ell him you need rest?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/02/2011 22:55

Hang on - you work, do bed and bath and nights, and you are in 3rd trimester?
WTF is your DH doing to help?

I'm a SAHM to DS who is 2.6, and I'm 33 weeks. DH does bathtime, he sorts DS out if he wakes in the night and he does the vast majority of the childcare at the weekends. He also cooks the dinner 2-3 times a week when work allows and does his share around the house in terms of other jobs.

Why can you only doze while your DD watches TV when your DH is out?

Firawla · 04/02/2011 23:19

Well its reality that its gonna be harder on your 2nd pregnancy cos of course you have the other dc to look after whereas first pregnancy you can relax and pamper yourself a bit, but your dh should be making effort especially as you are in 3rd trimester, its tiring, but sometimes you will just have to do things like go to sleep ridiculously early to recharge your energy, try to do what you can to make life easier for yourself etc.
I sympathise cos I am pregnant with a 2 yr old and 1 yr old and they both been ill last week I was exhausted!! but if on the weekend you can get your dh to take your dd out a little bit you can relax for an hour or so and get your energy back for the week, otherwise its difficult if come sunday night you dont feel you had any time to recharge yet you have to start all over again. I get mine to take 2 yr old to supermarket on sats, so i either clean house in peace or relax (i try to make 1 yr old nap @ that time) and it makes a huge difference whether i get that break or not.
as for people coming along to say they'll take dd for an hour etc, they may not do but the point is atleast your dh should if he is not already

Original poster
Caz10 · 04/02/2011 23:21

Alibaba- He does basically everything else! I do the day to day stuff like loading the dishwasher and putting washes on etc, but tbh I very very rarely need to hoover/mop etc, he walks the dog does the garden etc, he mainly cooks if not working, cleans the loo etc. He has much higher standards than me, I'd leave half the stuff he does! But he quite frequently has blow-outs about me not pulling my weight. I really do not have a minutes down time, between Dd and work and what stuff I do do around the house, but could really do with some! But I guess he would say he doesn't get any either.

It would piss him off if I was lying about with Dd while he was doing stuff, my answer to that would be to leave the bloody housework, but that is not in his nature! He works ft too, but shifts etc mean he is around during the day much more than me.

I just don't think I am wrong for thinking you can't carry on 100% as normal towards the end of a pregnancy? But doubting myself a bit.

OP posts: