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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get really wound up by the term 'delayed motherhood'

106 replies

hairyfairylights · 04/02/2011 20:03

and other such older-woman-who-has-not-yet-had-children bashing?

It was one of the things the BBC said was responsible for the rise in Breast Cancer.

More to beat women up with, and more to beat older women up with?

Propoganda because the nation will need more children to pay our pensions in the future?

For the record, I have not tried to have children until the last year, and I am in my early forties.

It doesn't mean I have delayed them or put my career first on purpose.

I just feel really got at when I see all those headlines about 'women who put their career before children are compromising their fertility' shite.

Not every woman who is trying for children at a later stage has deliberately 'delayed'.

(and boy do I wish I'd met the right man earlier and had had children earlier, but my life didn't work out like that. So I don't want to feel got at about it, as well as shit that I'm having trouble holding on to pregnancies).

OP posts:
Original poster
hairyfairylights · 05/02/2011 11:32

It is it being in the pill for an extended period that causes the estrogen thing? I'm even more confused now! Is it not having children at all!?

OP posts:
VeggieReggie · 05/02/2011 11:33

"Yes but there's a HUGE difference in your chances of having your third child at forty or your first child at forty.

The latter is much less likely."

Why? Conception either happens at 40, or it doesn't, whether 3rd or 1st baby!

Original poster
hairyfairylights · 05/02/2011 11:34

Well said duchesse.

OP posts:
duchesse · 05/02/2011 11:35

Apparently nuns are more likely to get breast cancer and less likely to get cervical cancer than the average woman. The implication being that something in the whole pregnancy/breastfeeding process is preventative of breast cancer (obv the lower cervical cancer rate is because it has more sexually transmitted factors).

BuzzLightBeer · 05/02/2011 11:44

thats an awful lot to read into one little word, isn't it?

LilyBolero · 05/02/2011 11:46

YABU - delayed doesn't have an implication of choice - if the train is delayed, it is held up. If the post is delayed, you are not choosing for it to come later.

The reason they are giving is that having fewer children, later, and also b/feeding for less time means a higher exposure to oestrogen which is implicated in raising risks of breast cancer.

Much better for facts to be known imo.

LilyBolero · 05/02/2011 11:50

I believe, more children and longer breast feeding also reduces rates of ovarian cancer. I think it's down to the number of monthly cycles you have, as early puberty can increase risks.

Chil1234 · 05/02/2011 11:50

YABU. I agree with LilyBolero that there is no automatic suggestion of choice in the word 'delay'. If it motherhood was described as 'put off', 'put back' or 'postponed'... that might suggest some conscious decision.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/02/2011 12:02

Perhaps it's your interpretation of 'delayed'? If you think of it in terms of a function only, ie. age of woman in relation to pregnancy, it sounds more medical-based which is what it really is.

These studies are clinical, used statistically to look for indicators of health, population, etc.

The media grabs hold of the studies and makes assumptions based on the raw data. It's the media's slant on it that offends people. If you feel that strongly about it, give the media a message - stop reading/buying their tabloid rags and stop visiting their websites. They know the impact what they write has on people, that's why they do it because it sells papers. The reader does the rest, transposing what's written onto the own lives.

TrillianAstra · 05/02/2011 12:13

I agree with Bogeyface

"But delayed motherhood is delayed motherhood no matter what the reason.

If it was delayed due to career, ill health, lack of sperm, money, fetility issues, whatever then it is still a delay!

Factually the word delayed is accurate."

A train might be delayed due to snow (no-one's fault) or due to the driver's alamr clock not going off (someone's fault) or for any number of other reasons.

FellatioNelson · 05/02/2011 12:44

Yes Lily I think you are right there - as nuns may have lower incidences of cervical cancer but I believe they have higher incidences of ovarian cancer as well as breast - again linked to the amount of uninterrupted cycles a woman has in her lifetime.

rollittherecollette · 05/02/2011 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duchesse · 05/02/2011 13:42

If it's your 3rd child you have proven fertility and less likely to be struggling to conceive a 3rd than a 1st at 40. There again there are no fast rules- I struggled (for no apparent reason) for 6 years to conceive a 4th child, eventually succeeding at nearly 41.

KnittedBreast · 05/02/2011 13:46

people need to understand that the best time to have children is their 20s, you cant get away from this. obviously the closer you are to menapause the more can go wrong and the earlier you have kids the longer period in your life your body will experience the positives that go with it.

LadyBiscuit · 05/02/2011 13:57

I can understand how you feel (having had DC in my 40s) but I kind of hope that this sort of message means that it will be much easier for women to exert logical pressure on men to start TTC earlier in life.

Nearly every single woman I know who had children in her late 30s/early 40s would have been very happy to have started trying years earlier, it was their partners who didn't want to grow up have children in their late 20s/early 30s

Bogeyface · 05/02/2011 15:19

now thats a headline that would make me buy a paper...

"MEN RESPONSIBLE FOR INCREASE IN WOMENS CANCER"

Can you imagine the outcry :o

Original poster
hairyfairylights · 05/02/2011 16:03

"people need to understand that the best time to have children is their 20s"

I presume your talking about the best time physically - for me my twenties were absolutely NOT the best time for me to conceive. Financially, emotionally and in terms of the relationships I was in.

OP posts:
rollittherecollette · 05/02/2011 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuzzLightBeer · 05/02/2011 16:07

its not though! The best time for you could be 45. Your ovaries will probably tell you to fuck off though.

rollittherecollette · 05/02/2011 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rollittherecollette · 05/02/2011 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Honeybee79 · 05/02/2011 16:19

YANBU op.

Bogeyface · 05/02/2011 17:01

Physically a woman is at her best for child bearing in her late teens and early twenties. FACT

That for whatever reason many (most?) choose to wait until they are older, leads one to assume that they accept the risk of their declining fertility maybe causing them to not be able to conceive when they choose.

Bogeyface · 05/02/2011 17:03

arrggh, hit the wrong button!

Meant to add that therefore while it isnt unreasonable to have a baby at the "right" time for the individual, it is unreasonable to be offended at the language others use to describe that individuals choice in terms of its possible effect on health etc.

Lambzig · 05/02/2011 17:07

I had a very delayed motherhood. I would love to have had my baby at 30 when I first starting ttc with my husband. Unfortunately, it took us eleven years to conceive and twelve until my daughter was born. I have had all sorts of comments from people including health professionals about my leaving it a bit late and assumptions that I had put my career first. Not my choice.

I agree with the OP, the tone and language of this reporting is extremely annoying as it assumes we all have the choice to get pregnant whenever we feel like it.