To want DP to get his own car?

[RevoltingPeasant]

Genuinely unsure here...

DP is moving in with me soon and will be living c. 45 min from his job, as opposed to within walking distance, as he is now. The best way for him to get there is by car, but he doesn't have his own.

I do have my own, and I don't use it for commuting. So, problem sorted: I add him to the insurance and we're done.

But.... I only just bought my car, it is my first-ever car, and it will mean that I can't use it in the evenings and on some weekends cos DP often works weekends (which is when I do use it, to go to the gym, shopping, etc). I cleaned out my savings to buy it and I will then basically have to always check with DP before using it, as obv his work will have to come before me going to the gym etc.

His parents have just offered to sell him their old car at a good price and although it will cost him to insure it separately, he has the money in savings to do this comfortably. AIBU to ask him, or am I a cheapskate bitch?

Hmmm...difficult - why is he compromising by moving in with you when it's so far away from his work? Would it not make sense to move in with him or for you to get a place nearer so he can still walk or get a bus?

I would expect him to get his own car rather than rely on mine - but will he be saving money moving in with you, freeing up cash for him to buy it ?

I honestly think he needs his own car so that it will stop any squables. If he can afford it.

I can understand that you have just bought your new car and it is your first, but if you are a serious couple then you may need to share.

We can't live at his, it's too small, and we work in separate cities with not much in between. He will be saving money as he's currently renting his own flat, and since he's moving in with me, I can cover our rent, and will only ask him a contribution, like £200.

I just feel mean: you know, we are partners, what's mine is his, etc.

If he can afford it, and his parents are offering him a car cheaply, he should get it. If he chooses not too, then make it clear that you have priority on the weekend for using your car, so he'll have to use public transport/taxis to get to work and back when he's working on the weekend unless you don't have plans that require your car.

He can afford it, MrSpoc. I was kind of thinking instead to ask him to 'buy into' the car, as the way it's looking now, I will have trashed my savings but won't get any use out of it. Is that really mercenary??

revoltingPeasant - it sounds like you need two cars tell him this. he should understand but expect sometimes he may want to borrow yours especially if yours is better. i know i would

you dont need two cars.

why dont you sell your and then buy one you both like together? or say he can have it in the week but you will have it every wkend. then he can pay the insurance and what not on it aswell

you need to split all the expenses of the home equally though. Otherwise you are subsidising him for living with you.

He should get his own car. You struggled to get it and he has the money to get it. Why should you be trapped without it while it sits outside his work

From what you've said you would essentially giving him your car and borrowing it occasionally - you'll end up resenting him for it. I tried car sharing with my housemate because neither of us use a car that much and we'd normally want it at different times but there was just too much of us both really wanting it at the same time for it to work. I also used to get really annoyed when I'd filled up the tank, used about a fivers worth of the petrol and then had to put more petrol in it the next time I got in the car.

Knitted... cos I don't want to sell my car? Plus I'd lose out majorly financially: I only just bought it (secondhand) but I've checked and it would retail for much lower now. Plus his work involves weekends, often, so I can't just tell him he can't use it on the weekend.

Reality: we will be getting a mortgage together (when we can afford it!!) but we don't yet have joint savings and basically we split bills, rent etc. When we move in, bills will come out of my account and he will pay a share.

Queen, that's what it feels like. I use it as a pottering-about car and really appreciate the independence it gives me. I didn't have a car for years cos of the expense but now I have a more stable job I finally splashed out. Yeah, I think I would resent it, esp as he will be putting loads more miles on it and he tends not to be as careful with things as I am (e.g. he is unlikely to remember to wash it regularly).

YANBU, keep you car and your independence! DH and I have a car each, his only goes to the train station in the week so we could possibly cope with one, but he plays squash a lot and I go to the gym/run the DC around so we have 2 cars.

I get cross when he even borrows mine, let alone if I had to ask to use my own car.

so lets get this straight..he is moving in to your place, and you will pay most of the rent and you also give him your car that you have bought for yourself.

And what is in this arrangement for you exactly?

He seems like he is ageeting a good deal - rent of £200 (surely that is not including bills?) and a free car.

No. Tell him to get his own car or get the train.

And make sure you split everything 50-50. Either he goes on the rental agreement and pays half, or you pay the rent and he pays the bills (to cover the cost of the rent). Don't be a martyr. You are not being a cheapskate, you are being sensible.

And have this conversation now before he moves in so you both know where tyou stand.

Well Buzz.... I love him, for one :) and also to be fair, he earns considerably less than I do. I wouldn't ask him to pay an equal share of the rent because it would eat up much more of his salary. That is my suggestion, and that part is fine, I regard it as one of the things you do to enable a relationship. So I am not normally stingy.

But I do want to have my car on tap, as that is why I bought it after years of waiting for buses and trains.

Lisa, you are right! I will ask him to buy his parents' car. Plus it will be helping them out as they want to sell it.

X posted - you say that all bills will come out of your account and he will give you a share.

NO. This is daft - he can easily say 'oh I can't afford to pay you this month' and the bills will still have to be paid by you. Get the bills in his name and direct debits set up on his account.

Keep your car. If he now needs a car then he should buy one of his own.

The separate, and possibly greater issue is over your living expenses.
It sounds like you are only going to be asking for a token contribution?

Why isn't he contributing fully - either equally in amount if you both earn a similar sum, or equally in that you pay an equal proportion of your income?

Please do sort this now, before he moves in. It will save a lot of angst later.

GetOrf, thanks - we did live together before and split things 60/40 or 65/35 more like, just cos he works for a charity whereas as I have a 'professional' salary. That bit is understood. He has offered 50/50 and I said no as I want him to be able to save and have some money for himself.

If you've decided that it's fairer that he pay a smaller share of rent and bills, then at the very least he needs to sort out his own car. You're not his mum. It'll be unhealthy for both of you if you let him start taking your assets for granted.

Right ok - so you work out what your salaries are in proportion to each other.
He then contributes whatever that amount is.

Either do it by transferring certain bills into his name, or better still set up a joint current account that the bills and rent come out of and you both pay into it. Then he is jointly liable, you aren't exposed, and there is complete transparency.

GetOrf, he won't do that. He is v honourable about paying up. Honestly, that is not an issue: I am not a martyr, really!! I earn about half again as much as he does and I don't have a problem with subsidising our lifestyle to a degree. It means we can live in a nicer neighbourhood, have the heating on all day if we want, without me feeling that I was stretching his budget.