Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if I get this wrong people might hate me?

46 replies

Unrulysun · 03/02/2011 10:49

I have just taken the decision to finish work at the end of my maternity leave and become a SAHP. I don't think people will be expecting this as I'm in the leadership team at work and seen as being very career oriented. Shock :)

I will need to make the announcement a couple of times - once to my team and then to all staff at a later date. I'm very confident that this is the right decision for me and very excited about it and I would like to convey some of that excitement but how can I do that without potentially pissing off people who have made other choices? Or worse people who would perhaps like to be SAHP but can't because of their financial situation?

Any advice re wording?

OP posts:
mutznutz · 03/02/2011 10:52

Who cares?

Do what's best for you and your child.

ajandjjmum · 03/02/2011 10:54

Just emphasise that you're doing what's right for you, but that you appreciate that it's not right for everyone.

Smile
twolittlemonkeys · 03/02/2011 10:55

just keep it short - you have the opportunity and so have decided to stay at home as you feel this is the right decision for you - you don't need to make it sound like you're judging others' choices.

LindyHemming · 03/02/2011 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Unrulysun · 03/02/2011 11:00

Mutznutz I'm sure 90+% of people there will think 'oh right, big deal, what am I having for tea?' but I have good friends there who are WOHMs and I don't want them to think I'm saying that mine is the right choice or something.

I know how heated the SAHM/WOHM thing can get and I'd like not to have that conversation or even engender that reaction so I'm thinking about it ahead of time.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 03/02/2011 11:02

Don't apologise for making the decision you have, or people will think you have something to apologise for.

Agree with the other posters that it's your life and you can do what you like.

BeerTricksPotter · 03/02/2011 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Unrulysun · 03/02/2011 11:05

Right. I like 'at this time'. Something in an 'at this time, opportunity blah blah' with an undercurrent of 'fuck you' then? Grin

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 03/02/2011 11:08

'with an undercurrent of 'fuck you' then?'

Surely people will respect you in the cut throat working world with this attitude? Grin

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/02/2011 11:09

Don't even mention it being the right thing for you. That's self-evident otherwise you wouldn't be doing it! No need to worry - if people have opinions they'll have opinions. Anything else sounds defensive

oranges · 03/02/2011 11:09

why are you not going back?

hairyfairylights · 03/02/2011 11:09

Will people really care that much? sorry if that sounds harsh. Why do you need to announce it? Can't you just let your line manager know, and they can deal with informing eveyrone?

Why on earth would any other WOTH mothers think that you making this choice has anything at all to do with them and their choices?

Sorry but do you need an ego check on this one?

You're making the right decision for you and you are fortunate enough to be able to do it. That has no implication on anyone else, surely.

ThatllDoPig · 03/02/2011 11:09

Do the shit sandwich thing. Tell them what a difficult decsion this is blabla, then hit them with it, as this is your choice for your family, then tell them that you hope that they will understand, and that you will miss them blabla, then don't worry about it anymore. No one will hate you, and if they do then that is their prob not yours. And you will soon have more to think about anyway. Good luck!

oranges · 03/02/2011 11:09

sorry - posted too soon- agree don't give too many reasons why you are not going back. just say it was great working with you all and I'll miss you. And leave it at that.

MrSpoc · 03/02/2011 11:11

why make the announcment then? Why dont you just hand in your notice on the last month of maternity? that why you do not even need to go in.

Onetoomanycornettos · 03/02/2011 11:15

I think the less fuss you make about this decision, the better. Just say you've decided to leave and will not be working out of the home for a while.

You never know what the future might bring (I know two SAHP whh have suddenly been thrust back into FT working due to partners redundancies). You may wish to return in the future (staying home may be a whole lot less appealing when you actually do it), so don't burn your bridges with some ideological statement about 'what's best for me and my baby', just get on with it and leave any doors open that you can on your way out.

Eglu · 03/02/2011 11:16

Is there a particular reason you need to go in and make an announcement? Most people just don't go back.

Original poster
Unrulysun · 03/02/2011 11:19

Sorry - fuck you was Euphemia's suggestion really :)

I don't think it's ego. I hope it's not :) I think it's more that people like to gossip in a small organisation about the 'management' and also that i've had a great time working there and would like to thank people. Plus it's usual for people to go back for a short time at the end of ML and I won't be doing that. If I don't announce it it'll be 'ooooh did you hear that unrulysun isn't coming back' etc etc.

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 03/02/2011 11:20

Just thought, if you are not on maternity yet then do not make any harsh decisions. Wait till the baby is born first as you may decide to go part time or go back full time. exspcially if you have a clingy baby and it is driving you mad.

MrSpoc · 03/02/2011 11:20

Why do you care what they gossip about if you are not there?

NicknameTaken · 03/02/2011 11:21

It's nice that you don't want to hurt the feelings of your WOHM colleagues. However, speaking as a WOHM, I wouldn't feel upset or criticized by someone choosing to be a SAHM. Mostly I'd think "Rather you than me" with an occasional side-order of "That looks nice" (just because the grass is always greener).

Just avoid any speeches about this decision making you a better mother, and you'll be fine.

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/02/2011 11:21

Many people take the baby in so people can have a hold. Dazzle them with his/her beauty and then slip in that you aren't coming back

Sounds like you maybe feel a bit guilty? Which is fine - it takes a while to get out of work mode

Original poster
Unrulysun · 03/02/2011 11:22

Onetoomanycornettos good advice re not burning bridges.

Tbh yes I'm probably just overthinking it because my bf there is mum to a 2yo ds and I know she wold like to see more of him. So I'm probably turning it into something it's not - thanks for the reality check.

OP posts:
TheShriekingHarpy · 03/02/2011 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Unrulysun · 03/02/2011 11:26

MrSpoc i care about the place and there are people there who like to cause trouble and I don't want to give them the ammunition (how the hell do you spell that?)

OP posts: