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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that if I get this wrong people might hate me?

46 replies

Unrulysun · 03/02/2011 10:49

I have just taken the decision to finish work at the end of my maternity leave and become a SAHP. I don't think people will be expecting this as I'm in the leadership team at work and seen as being very career oriented. :)

I will need to make the announcement a couple of times - once to my team and then to all staff at a later date. I'm very confident that this is the right decision for me and very excited about it and I would like to convey some of that excitement but how can I do that without potentially pissing off people who have made other choices? Or worse people who would perhaps like to be SAHP but can't because of their financial situation?

Any advice re wording?

OP posts:

MerylStrop · 03/02/2011 11:28

what's the timeframe on this? have you even had the baby yet? if not, please, please, please hold fire.

I think going back in specifically to "make an announcement" of this kind IS totally ego.

I would have individual conversations with people I directly managed, or for whom your departure might have particular impact. And let someone else announce your departure in a low key way to the other staff. If you've been off on maternity leave for a year, you may find it's all a big "so what?"

maryz · 03/02/2011 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Unrulysun · 03/02/2011 11:29

Ah yes dd will dazzle all with her amazing powers (clapping badly and smearing yoghurt all over her head) and I can just stand behind her looking proud and sleep deprived. Problem solved :)

OP posts:

marmynags · 03/02/2011 11:29

when i decided not to go back, I just informed my manager, didnt make a song and dance and let all and sundry know

wasnt necessary to the business

TheShriekingHarpy · 03/02/2011 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mutznutz · 03/02/2011 11:29

Is this your first child Unruly?

Original poster

Unrulysun · 03/02/2011 11:31

Meryl you're probably right. I should tell my team and leave the staff to my boss. That would make more sense. And 15% will be new staff thinking 'who she?'

OP posts:

Original poster

Unrulysun · 03/02/2011 11:32

Mutznutz it's uncanny how you know that

OP posts:

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/02/2011 11:33

So I would

Tell the powers that be by letter,

then if you feel the need to

Take the baby in to smear yoghurt everywhere, by which time they'll probably know you aren't coming back, then if needs be tell anyone who doesn't know

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/02/2011 11:34

I had none of this dilemma - couldn't wait to see the back of the place

Original poster

Unrulysun · 03/02/2011 11:38

Thanks Jamie. Powers that be all in hand. Just thinking about wording for explaining really. But yes - finalise paperwork with boss, let immediate team know with baby and probably drinks or something, tell friends, let everyone else find out however boss would like them to /on grapevine, get over self a little, if all else fails resort to yoghurt.

OP posts:

mutznutz · 03/02/2011 11:44

No it was a genuine question lol!!

I'm thinking you're going to have to toughen up and stop over thinking things soon enough...otherwise from the moment your baby is born, you wont be able to open your mouth for fear of upsetting someone about feeding/sleeping/choice of nappies etc..etc..

This is just the start of it

hairyfairylights · 03/02/2011 11:58

"I think it's more that people like to gossip in a small organisation about the 'management' and also that i've had a great time working there and would like to thank people. Plus it's usual for people to go back for a short time at the end of ML and I won't be doing that. If I don't announce it it'll be 'ooooh did you hear that unrulysun isn't coming back' etc etc."

I'm struggling to understand why that matters, really.

I am CEO in a small organisation (third sector) gossip goes on, it doesn't matter (unless it's harmful, and if that's the case I deal with it through disciplinary process).

I think you are over thinking it. Your life, your choice. No one will hate you for not returning.

Original poster

Unrulysun · 03/02/2011 12:00

Yeah I know what you mean mutznutz but I'm just trying to be a little less blunt. And maybe MN doesn't help - I now see unreasonableness as a daily challenge!

OP posts:

kepler10b · 03/02/2011 12:35

why does it matter? you are leaving. they will get on with their lives, you will get on with yours. i really doubt your decisions and why you made them are that important to them and even if they are surprised the gossip will soon move on to another subject.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 03/02/2011 12:49

Unrulysum - why are you deciding this now? Why not leave it open as you are allowed to. You never know, you may decide being at home isn't for you?

schmee · 03/02/2011 12:53

To be honest it sounds like you still need massive validation from work - you are very concerned about the announcements, the seniority of your position, your impact on the staff... This is something you might need to work through as you become a SAHM.

thebrownstuff · 03/02/2011 13:12

when are you due?

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/02/2011 13:16

In the nicest possible way, I agree with schmee. It was a huge adjustment for me to become a SAHM

mum295 · 03/02/2011 18:06

Isn't it more likely that, in the nicest possible way, your colleagues will be glad to see you go?

What I mean is that if you are high up in the leadership team, your departure might mean promotions for people under you, which might trickle down to people further down as well?

When I went on maternity leave, it opened up a world of new opportunities for a couple of guys I managed to step up and take on more responsibilities.

mum295 · 03/02/2011 18:07

Rather than focus on your situation, I would check with your management if there will be opportunities for others created and, if so, focus the message on that.

I don't think many people will care about what you're off to do. Unless they think you're going to another company where you could open new doors for them.

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