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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for being cross with school tomorrow?

50 replies

whethergirl · 02/02/2011 23:18

My mum picked up ds today and his teacher came forward, thrust a piece of paper in her hand and said "ds's mum needs to sign this."

It was a referral request for a hearing test. "Outline Of Problem" is (alarmingly) "Does not respond to name, mis hears instructions, attention difficulties".

First I've heard about it!! I was really alarmed to get this form which I've never come across before, there is even a box ticked which says "proposed referal has been discussed with parent."

This has left me feeling confused and distressed, as at no point has anything like this EVER been mentioned to me (bear in mind I see the teacher twice every day) and don't really appreciate being passed on a form about something which I feel is quite a sensitive issue. I have never been aware of ds having any hearing difficulties, although he is a complete space cadet daydreamer, he has also picked up on whispers when I've tried to talk without him hearing.

Surely something like this needs for someone to take me to one side and explain their concerns, not being sent a message to sign a form!

Obviously I will speak to his teacher about ito tomorrow, but AIBU to raise concern about the way this is handled and expect an apology?

OP posts:
CockularDepravity · 02/02/2011 23:21

You sound more concerned by the way you were dealt with than the very real possibility that your child has hearing difficulties. You may wish to rethink your priorities.

Vallhala · 02/02/2011 23:21

YANBU but just a thought... did the form have your DS's name upon it or was it addressed to you in person?

I'm just wondering if it might have been handed to the wrong family given that the hearing problem and conversations about it with staff are all news to you.

fifi25 · 02/02/2011 23:23

Is you child in ks1. All kids get a hearing test and have to sign a form. My daughter had one and failed. She had to get ears syringed. She couldnt hear etc.

scurryfunge · 02/02/2011 23:24

Do you think the teacher has mentioned this to you and you are also a complete space cadet daydreamer?

Vallhala · 02/02/2011 23:24

PMSL Scurryfunge. :o

scottishmummy · 02/02/2011 23:29

understandably you upset at brusque delivery. and yiu been upset,BUT do approach teacher for 1:1 ask for specific examples of ds apparent not hearing

completely get why youre upset,unexpected news like that is a shock

hope all well

best wishes

Original poster
whethergirl · 02/02/2011 23:35

CockularDepravity, of course I'm bloody concerned, otherwise it wouldn't have bothered me at all. I just felt upset that I couldn't speak to anyone about it or find out more. I've now sat here all evening worrying about it, but just feel like I'm being treated as if it wouldn't matter to me to just read it on a form and sign it. Imagine getting a form from a doctor saying "Your ds has a health problem. Sign this."

Vallhala, it did have my ds name & details on it, otherwise I would have definitely thought it was meant for someone else.

fifi25 - yes he is in ks1, but when I asked him about a hearing test he reckons the last one he had was in reception. Good to know that a fail can come from a minor problem that can be sorted out though, that's helped a bit!

OP posts:
Original poster
whethergirl · 02/02/2011 23:37

scottishmummy - yes it was a shock. Just really looking forward to tomorrow when I can find out more.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 02/02/2011 23:42

horrble,to sit guessing,supposing until you know. yes it is really upsetting esp if unexpected

you dont know what ahead, so do ask teacher for specific examples of ds not hearing eg when she talks but not facing him/circle time/etc

best wishes

fifi25 · 02/02/2011 23:43

At my school they test in yr1. Maybe the teacher thinks you have had the letter and needs it signed so they can do it. Having them syringed was painless, i couldnt believe what came out in the cup.

LaWeaselMys · 02/02/2011 23:52

I would be extemely miffed they are stating they've talked to you about something they haven't, and I would absolutely be going in the next day and saying actually you didn't talk to me. Tell me what's going on.

Try not to worry too much - as an aside hearing difficulties can affect people in all kinds of different ways. My hearing loss is right in the middle of the spectrum, for unknown reasons, which means it was picked up very late. On the plus side, if it's hard to notice it probably isn't that severe - or really is just him being a dreamer.

Original poster
whethergirl · 02/02/2011 23:52

Even if there it turns out there is nothing wrong with this hearing (like I said, I have experience of hearing the quietest of sounds), then I'm still worried that his attention must be so bad that they think he has a hearing problem, and if not, then what is the problem?! I know he is well behaved at school, but behind with his reading/writing, so wonder if there is any link to that.

fifi25, I wouldn't have thought twice if it was just a form to sign re getting a hearing test, it's just the way they have listed these "problems".

OP posts:
Original poster
whethergirl · 02/02/2011 23:55

LaWeaselMys, thanks for putting it into perspective, I know I'm already going overboard with my worrying, but there must certainly be many spectrums of hearing difficulties.

OP posts:
hugsuzie · 03/02/2011 00:02

Hi Whethergirl, as a ks1 teacher myself I would say that you are well within your rights to be mildly pissed off about this. Although referring your son for a hearing test isn't really a massive cause for concern in itself, the fact that it has come from nowhere and no one has thought to discuss the schools concerns with you is pretty outrageous. Let's hope you get your apology!

fifi25 · 03/02/2011 00:03

My daughters sees a sn teacher, is in yr 2 and still on reception work. She got refered to sn teacher after reception. She has concentration problems etc. I would go in tommorrow and have a word with the teacher about your concerns. Try not to worry too much. They said to me if you cant hear this affects all aspects of learning as its like being underwater. My daughter also had other problems as well as being unable to hear. Hopefully it will just be a case of sorting his ears out which i suspect it is.

Amieesmum · 03/02/2011 00:07

Hi love

Just first i'd like to reassure you, If you Ds had a hearing problem you'd know about it. My dd is hearing impaired & wears aids, we knew there was a problem from pretty early on, and became incredibly apparent when she started school.

Secondly, no YANBU for feel that the school should have dealt with this in a more professional manner, it wouldn't have taken 5 minutes to pull you aside one morning or home time to discus any concerns with you before ordering a hearing test without your knowledge.It was inconsiderate at the least!

I hope the hearing test goes well and there are no problems. x

Amieesmum · 03/02/2011 00:12

Fifi25 - has your dd had grommets?

My DD is in a similar position at school with her learning progression.

assuming there's other things attributing to this in your dd's case? If not her hearing loss should be looked into further if she's still behind. Glue ear and Wax is usually pretty temporary

Original poster
whethergirl · 03/02/2011 00:16

Thanks hugsuzie, I wouldn't have batted an eyelid if it was to sign a consent form to just have a standard hearing test, but this looks like he has been specifically been referred due to the "outline of problems" on the form. I had a 1:1 with ds' teacher only a few months ago, she didn't say anything about "attention difficulties". Although she did say she thought he was quite "young" for his age!

fifi25, what exactly do they mean re "concentration problems" - surely there must be a reason for it? Like I said, I'm doubting more that he has hearing problems, and wondering more if he has "concentration problems" as he is a bit behind with reading/writing.

Amieesmum, thank you, yes that's what I thought, if had a hearing problem I'm pretty sure I would have noticed by now. "Inconsiderate" hits it on the head!

OP posts:
fifi25 · 03/02/2011 00:19

No she just had them syringed at docs in yr one and again in yr 2. I was shocked at what came out. She just seems to have loads of wax in them. You can tell when she needs them done as she starts talking really loud. They think she may be dyslexic but her ears are fine other than getting loads of wax build up in them.

Amieesmum · 03/02/2011 00:34

Make sure her school test her for dyslexia, there are special colored plastic sheet thingys they can use to help x

fifi25 · 03/02/2011 00:41

I am pushing the school at the moment and have been since the beginning of yr1. Its a bit of a nightmare to be honest. Yr1 teacher agrees with me and new teacher in yr2 and sn teacher want to give her till the end of the year and dont want to label her. I keep explaining to them that at home she wont get dressed and cant get shoes on never mind tie the laces. I have 2 other daughters and have known since she was a toddler that something was not right. She cant read the 1st stage book from reception. she can write but you have to spell each word out. My cousin had dyslexia and had to pay £500 for a private diagnosis. Shes in her 20's now and you would think times had changed.

Amieesmum · 03/02/2011 09:26

So sorry your dd's school think that way.
Will have a quick look about other organizations that test for free, but i'm really really sure the school shouldn't be bothered by the label, thats so sad cos i thought people had got over stereo typing these days! Christ leaving dd without testing is almost criminal. Grrr makes me so cross when schools take the wait and see approach.
Of course i guess it's always possible she doesn't have dyslexia at all.
Either way, the test takes less than an hour! not like it's going to do any harm, only help her!

You don't by any chance have separate junior schools where you are do you?

ds's school do & when i looked into getting her a statement, the school whole heartedly agreed she should be accessed, but want me to do all the leg work, I realize this is because by the time the statement comes into effect she will have moved school & infants will not get the funding!

Hope she gets the test soon! Keep pushing

whatdoiknowanyway · 03/02/2011 09:36

I had DDs ears tested when she was 7 as she was not 'hearing' what we were saying. Actually her hearing was perfect, she was a day dreamer, she grew out of it (mostly) and is now in 6th form doing well.

Ben10isthespawnofthedevil · 03/02/2011 09:44

fifi25 - you can get referred to a developmental paed or child developement centre (CDC) for your child. My son who is in Y1 was referred by the school for concentration etc and I am now awaiting the report which I expect to say at least dyspraxia and sensory processing disorder. Have a look at the dyspraxia foundation as getting dressed is one of the symptoms.

fifi25 · 03/02/2011 11:10

She seems to have the signs of both but not all. She reads words backwards and cant remember a word from one page to the next. Tbh honest i have just been doing what the school are advising but nothing is happenening. She has made little progress this year although she can do some of the maths work. Shes not keen on arts and crafts either. I am getting worried as she is going into ks2 in Sept. She has no behavioral problems and if anything is very quite at school to the point of being going un-noticed. Am i right to keep pushing the school for referral and whats should i do now. Should i just wait till the end of the year like the school are saying or push now b4 she gets into juniors. No my juniors and infants are not seperate. I have heard other people mention schools are reluctant to diagnose due to funding. Im not sure how everything works.

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