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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for being cross with school tomorrow?

50 replies

whethergirl · 02/02/2011 23:18

My mum picked up ds today and his teacher came forward, thrust a piece of paper in her hand and said "ds's mum needs to sign this."

It was a referral request for a hearing test. "Outline Of Problem" is (alarmingly) "Does not respond to name, mis hears instructions, attention difficulties".

First I've heard about it!! I was really alarmed to get this form which I've never come across before, there is even a box ticked which says "proposed referal has been discussed with parent."

This has left me feeling confused and distressed, as at no point has anything like this EVER been mentioned to me (bear in mind I see the teacher twice every day) and don't really appreciate being passed on a form about something which I feel is quite a sensitive issue. I have never been aware of ds having any hearing difficulties, although he is a complete space cadet daydreamer, he has also picked up on whispers when I've tried to talk without him hearing.

Surely something like this needs for someone to take me to one side and explain their concerns, not being sent a message to sign a form!

Obviously I will speak to his teacher about ito tomorrow, but AIBU to raise concern about the way this is handled and expect an apology?

OP posts:

fifi25 · 03/02/2011 11:11

Sorry typings a bit off due to the 2yr old

marmynags · 03/02/2011 11:13

sounds like a typical male with selective hearing :)

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/02/2011 11:13

This was not the best way to deal with this - they should have been more sensitive and they should not have ticked a box saying you'd spoken to them.

Hopefully this will be a good thing for him. Try not to worry

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/02/2011 11:15

... my DS1 had Glue Ear, which I discovered at 4 - but I'm sure it had been affecting him for several years - and if I had known perhaps we would not have had all the tiredness and tantrums from him.

Good luck

verytellytubby · 03/02/2011 11:15

My twins are in year 1 and they too have had letters asking for hearing and sight tests. I have no concerns as I actually think they may be dyslexic and dyspraxic (which the teachers suspect as well).

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/02/2011 11:17

Sorry - me again!. Obviously, I did not mean it's a good thing if he has some kind of problem, but that if he does, it is picked up and can be tackled

Ben10isthespawnofthedevil · 03/02/2011 11:53

Fifi - your GP can refer you if you have concerns. I would like to know sooner rather than later if I were you.

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/02/2011 11:56

How old is your DS, OP?

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 03/02/2011 12:01

Did you speak to the school?
I do have to disagree with the poster that said if your ds had hearing problems you would know, in many cases yes but definitely not in all.
My DS1 has hearing problems that at times are more aparent than others.
I didn't think at first that he could have hearing problems as there were quiet noises he could hear and thought he was just a bit of a dreamer as well but it turned out that he did have hearing problems but not so much about noise more the pitch of sounds.
Some were just totally outwith his hearing yet he could hear a pin drop at times.

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/02/2011 12:05

Yes - I agree with that Ineedacleaner. DS struggled in a noisy environment, because one-one-one he was relying on lip-reading to a surprising extent. He could hear enough to get by, but the strain of trying to hear made him very tired, and in his case, tantrummy. Other DCs just zone out, or some become naughty. I'm talking about Glue Ear here

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/02/2011 12:06

one-on-one

butterpieify · 03/02/2011 12:22

I had countless hearing tests when I was at school - some kids just somehow make teachers think they are deaf! They also thought I might be epileptic, but I was just half asleep.

Amieesmum · 03/02/2011 13:48

Indeedacleaner - sorry i should have made myself clearer, serious hearing problems are apparent, things like glue ear (which sounds like your ds (pitch issues)) can be harder to spot as they fluctuate with the amount of gunk behind the drum.

Fifi - yes keep pushing, stamp your feet, i've found when things aren't moving fast enough the parent partnership are fab with pushing for things.
And your GP should be able to make a referral for you x

Amieesmum · 03/02/2011 13:54

oh crap - i'm so sorry just re read what i've written, sounds really offensive now saying serious hearing problems, of course all hearing problems are serious... don't mean to belittle what your ds is going though in the slightest. Any hearing problems are difficult no matter whether it's only slight or more prominent

xx

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/02/2011 13:59

Amiee - chill

fifi25 · 03/02/2011 15:52

Thanks i shall see g.p

katiestar · 03/02/2011 16:20

'Just first i'd like to reassure you, If you Ds had a hearing problem you'd know about it. My dd is hearing impaired & wears aids, we knew there was a problem from pretty early on, and became incredibly apparent when she started school'

you can't generalise on the basis of your vast experience of one child!!Very often parents don't pick up on hearing an that is why hearing screening is such a big thing.

fifi25 · 03/02/2011 16:33

I agree, i didnt know until my daughter failed the test and neither did the teachers. She didnt have a hearing problem just very waxy ears and the problem was rectified.

quitescared · 03/02/2011 16:39

YANBU in the slightest whethergirl. Irrespective of what the issue is it should not have got to this point without you having been informed in some way earlier.

Did you speak to them today? Hope you got some answers as to why they have started communication only when it has got to a point where they are looking at a referral.

Amieesmum · 03/02/2011 17:56

Katiestar

^you can't generalise on the basis of your vast experience of one child!!^

Evidently i'm wrong so apologies. Was going by what the all the parents at hearing clinics have told me.

However sorry to anyone i may have mislead whilst trying to reassure them.

Original poster

whethergirl · 03/02/2011 20:40

I feel a bit better about this tonight, having spoken to a few people at school this morning. Ds teacher was very quick to play it down and said it was just a process of elimination, and he wasn't the only one that was referred in the school. I said yes but I didn't realise there was a problem at all, to which she tried to defend, saying she had spoken to me about the fact he's behind with his reading/writing (but this is different to this new set of problems). Anyway, I did tell her I was alarmed to be given this bit of paper, she said had I been there she would have explained, and she just kept trying to reassure me and saying "please don't look so worried!" Yes, I told her, but I can't help it, he is my child! Sometimes I think because she is very young, doesn't have her own children and a teacher dealing with lots of kids, she sometimes forgets that something which is a small deal to her (eg. "oh one child was recently assessed, turns out he just needs glasses!) is a much bigger deal for the parent.

Then, by chance there was a coffe morning with the Parent Support Advisor, so I went and had a chat to her about it.

With ref to some of the earlier posts, she did say that slight hearing problems are hard to notice because children tend to disguise it by lipreading or guessing. Also sometimes it's certain pitches they have trouble with, as you said Ineedacleaner.
Amieesmum - perhaps your experience is more with parents of more apparent hearing difficulties?

I also mentioned to the PSA that ds suffers from bouts of insomnia, and this is likely to affect his concentration. So she has offered to meet me on a 1 2 1 and help with this.

So I'm just really keen to get the hearing test done, if there is no problem there then ds' teacher and I said we would meet again to discuss what else could be the problem.

fifi25 - does your school have a parent support advisor or something similiar that could help?

I agree JamieLeeCurtis, it is a good thing. At least they have noticed and doing something about it. DS is 5. Personally I do feel that he is still so young and so much pressure already to get to standard re reading/writing. I'm quite relaxed about that sort of thing (just think he'll learn when he's ready), but because it's now become a 'concern', I've been working with him at home.

quitescared - I didn't really get an answer about lack of communication, for a start it's hard to get a word in edgeways with Ds' teacher and she kept brushing over it and saying it was just something they started to notice recently. TBH, at this point, I was more concerned about what the problem with ds could be, rather than the way it was handled. I think she'll think twice before pulling that number on me again though!

OP posts:

mumbar · 03/02/2011 21:02

OP. Ds had similar and his turned out to be glue ear, he past the hearing test and it drained alone. He gets reoccurence after a cold and clears itself.

I'm wondering though whether the immonia has something to do with it. Maybe he's tired and therefore not able to concentrate.

Best of luck.

oopslateagain · 03/02/2011 21:32

Whethergirl, my DD was in Reception class when the teacher said she thought DD might have a hearing problem - didn't respond to her name, carried on playing when class told to stop etc.

Took DD for a hearing test and it all came back perfect, the doctor said she had 'selective hearing' and that a lot of children suffer from it!

I have to say, DD probably gets it from me - if I'm reading a book I'm oblivious to everything around me.

I do hope it turns out to be something like that.

zipzap · 03/02/2011 21:54

Fifi, maybe a slightly different tack would be useful if you want your dc to get a dyslexia test but they refuse to give one.

Ask them to either sort out the test as requested and list the reasons why you think it would be a good idea but if they will not do this, then instead you want to have a letter on your dc's file to say that they have refused to do the test that you have requested for xxx reasons, and that the reasons they have refused are yyy. Also get them to put on there any implications that getting a later diagnosis would have on your child should the test show that they do have problems (which the xxx reasons indicate there is at least a fair chance they may).

Put the request in writing to make it nice and official.

If you are making somebody commit in writing to saying 'No will not do test' even though it may have later ramifications they have to have a very good reason in this litigious age to feel so strongly that they refuse to do something that could be beneficial to your child and have ramifications if they haven't done it

fifi25 · 03/02/2011 22:28

zipzap-yes i will definately do this. You just assume the school would want to do whats in the interest of the child. Enoughs enough now, ive done what the school have advised and she is making absolutely no progress.

Thanks everyone for your advice, i know what im doing now.

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