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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my Mum?

32 replies

ligbinz · 02/02/2011 16:07

I love my Mum, I have a great relationship with her and she loves my DS to bits, however she is a bit nutty when it comes to weaning DS. A typical conversation goes like this

MUM "Are you weaning DS yet?"
ME "No Mum he is only 4 Months old, far too little and just not ready yet."
MUM "Oh don't listen to all the advice it changes all the time, just follow you own instincts."
ME "I am following my own instincts, he just isn't ready yet."

Anyway, the other day we were having tea and biscuits and we have the above conversation yet again. DS was on my Mums lap, she proceeds to dunk a digestive in her tea and give it to DS!!!

I am annoyed for three reasons

  1. FGS how many more time do I have to say HE IS NOT READY FOR WEANING!
  2. A digestive biscuit dunked in sugary tea, WTF hardly great weaning food!
  3. Maybe I'm being a bit PFB but I was looking forward to giving DS his first taste of anything other than milk and now I can never get that back - I feel like my mum has stolen that experience from me.

Am I being AIBU to be pissed off with my Mum? I would never fall out with her over this but just wondered what other peoples views were?

OP posts:
Olessaty · 02/02/2011 16:09

I don't think that is unreasonable at all, it's your choice how you choose to parent your children and your mum has just blatantly disregarded your wishes, undermining you as a parent. I'd find it really disrespectful if a family member did that, especially my own mother.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 02/02/2011 16:14

YANBU!

I would be very annoyed, especially as it was a biscuit in tea!

Honeybee79 · 02/02/2011 16:14

YANBU. I would be furious. You had made your wishes clear and she deliberately went against them.

Vilt · 02/02/2011 16:15

YANBU definitely not. I would have been livid.

Lulumaam · 02/02/2011 16:16

YANBU

a digestive dipped in tea is hardly a good first weaning food anyway !

tell her he can't have gluten until 6 mths anyway

she's not stolen your first moment, you can still make his first taste of food from you really nice...

in 1 years time, you'll be smiling at yourself for being narked, but right now, it is not very nice and i understand your being irritated

Original poster
ligbinz · 02/02/2011 16:27

Thanks for your replies, its good to know that I'm not being PFB. I am a pretty laid back person in general and not many things get my goat but this really did make me a bit Angry.

I do feel like she undermines me as a parent tbh, she keeps telling me to trust my instincts but then doesn't listen to them unless they match up with her instincts!

OP posts:
monkeyflippers · 02/02/2011 16:49

Didn't you say anything when she was giving him the biscuit? I would have shouted Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

PrincessScrumpy · 02/02/2011 16:52

YANBU but it seems to be a granny thing. My mum is always offering dd chocolate and cakes. Had a big smile to myself on Sunday when mum was trying to persuade dd to have chocolate cake and dd was only interested in the raspberries! (she's nearly 3).

DD was ready at 4 months for weaning (desperate for it) but each child is different. I would have had a go if my mum had done that. It's about respecting your wishes.

Maternelle · 02/02/2011 16:53

YANBU. I would have been very pissed off!

Original poster
ligbinz · 02/02/2011 16:55

I was a bit gobsmacked tbh, I couldn't believe she was doing it! She was saying "Look he really likes it", course he is going to bloody like it, it's a digestive biscuit, doesn't mean you should be giving it to him though.

OP posts:
monkeyflippers · 02/02/2011 16:57

I started weaning with plain yoghurt and they loved it! Maybe try that when you are ready as that will be just as impressive to dc as the stoopid biscuit and you'll get a lovely reaction!

Ragwort · 02/02/2011 16:59

It's a granny thing - my DM was giving my DS sips of Pimms at that age Grin - don't fall out with your DM about it - life's too short. Other generations do things differently, I wonder what we will be like when our DDs become mothers?

My DH's mother (a midwife) drank and smoked heavily throughout her pregnancy - that was just the norm then Grin.

Agree with Lulumaam - you will look back at this and laugh at yourself in the future Smile.

5Foot5 · 02/02/2011 17:00

So he ate the biscuit then? And he liked it?

Not saying that this is the ideal weaning food but it does make me wonder about you saying he is not ready for weaning if he ate and enjoyed a bit of soggy biscuit.

And your Mum is right about one thing - the advice does change all the time. When my DD was a baby the advice was to start at 4 months.

Having said that your Mum was out of order for doing something you had specifically asked her not to but I wouldn't fall out over this.

MattsBatt · 02/02/2011 17:02

YANBU but don't fall out with your mum over this. Grannies are like this. Gah Bless 'em.

Original poster
ligbinz · 02/02/2011 17:08

He didn't look like he was enjoying it to me and he spat it all out. I think she realised she was in the wrong and trying to justify it by saying that he liked it.

I would never fall out with her about it, there are way too many positives about my Mum to get into an arguement about this.

She does have form with feeding crap to her grandkids and says that its her job as a Nan to do this. I don't mind that at all its nice that she spoils them, I remember my Nan doing it with us and I thought it was brilliant! But I think its a bit much when it is DS's first bit of real food!

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 02/02/2011 17:08

YANBU. Your mum has been to the same School of Control Freaks as mine, I think.

JamieLeeCurtis · 02/02/2011 17:51

The most reasonable mums and MILs have little blind spots/obsessions about things - often it's weaning. My DS2's first food, courtesy of MIL was chocolate ice cream. Thankfully I was fairly chilled out by then, but ...

My own mum's was potty training. It appalled her (though she hid it quite well) that mine were still in nappies at 3 (they were potty trained v quickly, very soon after that).

Try not to get too worked up about it. Advice does change, and for lots of people food=love

JamieLeeCurtis · 02/02/2011 17:54

Also - it was one biscuit, once not a "weaning food"

valiumredhead · 02/02/2011 17:58

Basically what JLC said. My dad gave my ds choc cake at 4 months( he was 8 weeks prem) and I had to stop him dabbing Fanta on his gums as he tought ds might be thirsty! WTF?!!!! I laugh about it now.......... sort of... Grin

MrsTumbles · 02/02/2011 18:14

Ahh, my MiL gave my DD some milkybar at 3 months while I was at a funeral. She proudly told me all about it when I picked DD up. I did Shock face and DH went Angry Her reasoning was that its made 'from natural ingredients' Hmm.

I was so upset at the time but 2 and a bit years down the line I laugh about it with DH, doesn't seem to have done DD any harm (although she does turn her nose up at white chocolate...)

DitaVonCheese · 02/02/2011 21:14

YANBU. It seems to be quite common for that generation to be obsessed with weaning, I think because they all did it at 8-12 weeks Confused I remember my mum going on about it endlessly and a friend with a 7 mo has just had the same thing from her family. Also the only two times DD has had biscuit dipped in tea, she's gone manic afterwards (coincidence perhaps).

And the advice doesn't change "all the time" Confused

FabbyChic · 02/02/2011 21:17

Twenty years ago you weened at 12 to 16 weeks. Nowadays apparently it is 26 weeks.

It is really when your baby is no longer get enough nourishment from an 8oz bottle of milk, i.e it is not enough.

MosEisley · 02/02/2011 21:22

YANBU. Your mum was disrespectful of your wishes.

I'll probably be flamed for saying this but I felt my babies were ready for first tastes of 'solids' before 6 months and started each of them about 5 months. With tiny weeny amounts of pureed root vegetables though, I hasten to add, not biscuits dunked in tea. Or milkybar, for that matter.

pointythings · 02/02/2011 21:27

MosEisley,

Guidelines change all the time - the recent controversy research suggests weaning between 4 and 6 months is about right, though it caused lots of fights with people not understanding what the researchers were saying..

My first DD was ready for solid food alongside BF by about 4 months - she was snatching food off my plate. She never spat anything out, not even her first taste. DD2 wasn't really interested until about 8 months. Both were BF until 13 months, were self-feeding by a year, eating causing enormous mess with a spoon by 16 months. and are fine. Babies tend not to read the research.

Biscuit dunked in tea though - out of order.

LibraPoppyGirl · 02/02/2011 21:29

YANBU you are the mother and your wishes should be respected.

I have never had any problem with my Mum, never. She has always respected all of my wishes but I did have this problem with my EX MIL (so glad she's EX) when my now 13yo DS was a baby. She ignored everything I said and decided at 3 months old he should try trifle!!

Makes me angry but don't fall out over it. Just rise above it and stick to your guns. You know what is right for your baby.