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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be cross about this?

37 replies

iloveblue · 02/02/2011 12:24

I don't think I am, but I wanted to see what other people think.

We lost our baby at 20 weeks gestation on 22nd October last year. We have no idea why.
They took lots of blood to test from me and we agreed to a full post-mortem on the baby.
When in hospital we were told we would hear from the consultant in 8 weeks. It also says this on the literature we were given.

Fast forward to 8 weeks later - have heard nothing from the hospital, so I rang the consultant's secretary who said it is 12 weeks not 8, and they keep telling the staff on the maternity ward this, but they still keep misadvising people.

So, we still had not heard anything after 12 weeks so I rang again - and they were still waiting for the full PM results (from Birmingham Womens Hospital - which is where the babies are sent) plus the consultant was about to go on leave.

It was 14 weeks last Friday still no word from the hospital - and we have just discovered that I am pregnant again. I rang the secretary again on Monday - who said that yes the results were all back and on consultants desk, and they would ring in the next few days to make an appointment. I also informed her of the new pregnancy.

The secretary (who has been lovely and very sympathetic through all this) has just left a message on our answerphone - offering us an appointment for the 15th March! Another 6 weeks away (almost 5 months in total). Not only that but it isn't at our local hospital - as the consultant doesn't have a clinic there.
We don't have a car at the moment - ours broke down and we are managing without one for 6 months, while we save up for a new one. This isn't a major problem as I know we could get the train/bus or someone would give us a lift - but I'm just completely fed up. By the 15th March I will be 11/12 weeks pregnant and if there is something I need to be doing (eg taking aspirin etc) then I need to know now.

I am going to ring the secretary back in a bit but just wanted to see if it is just me and my raging hormones or if anyone else agrees with me that this seems a bit ridiculous.

OP posts:
Original poster
iloveblue · 02/02/2011 12:25

Sorry for the essay btw - just realised how long it is. Blush

OP posts:
moomaa · 02/02/2011 12:28

That is totally ridiculous, I hope it's bad luck and not the way they normally treat people. If they won't budge maybe the consultant could give you a call instead? Not ideal solution for a sensitive discussion I know but you could be worried all that time and them just say they don't know what happened.

FabbyChic · 02/02/2011 12:31

Maybe that is the only avaialable appointment he has. Just say that you would like to know if there is something you should be doing in order to ensure that this pregnancy goes full term.

Tell her you are worried that you should be doing something now rather than waiting until you are 12 weeks to find out that you should have done something.

Carrotsandcelery · 02/02/2011 12:31

I am so sorry for your loss.
Can you phone them and say you are happy to see the consultant in March but emphasise that you are pregnant now and need to know now if there is any action you can take now?
I wish you all the best in your pregnancy.

JamieLeeCurtis · 02/02/2011 12:32

I don't think YABU. I'm glad you've had help from the secretary, but I think you need to by-pass her now and go to a higher authority to help you. Maybe call your GP or midwife and ask what they advise, or contact the complaints dept at the hospital

Original poster
iloveblue · 02/02/2011 12:39

Thank-you all.

I am going to ring back and explain my concerns.
I saw GP last week to register new preganancy, who was no use at all - wasn't aware of my history despite having my notes on screen in front of him, and when I told him, he was quite dismissive about it.

Might try and get hold of midwife too, although I'm not sure if she would have access to any of the results, would she?

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 02/02/2011 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
iloveblue · 02/02/2011 12:47

Thankyou Madam
I told the secretary that I was pregnant on Monday so she should have passed the message on.

OP posts:
monkeyflippers · 02/02/2011 12:47

Phone the sympathetic lady back and explain that if the dr doesn't see you asap you are convinced you are going to lose another baby. Does he want to be responsible for that?! You can exagerate and be slightly hysterical (this is your baby we are talking about) but be polite and hopefully she will find a way to fit you in sooner even if it is just so the consultant can put your mind at rest.

Congrats on your new pregnancy!

JamieLeeCurtis · 02/02/2011 12:52

The thing I wonder is, (and having been a hospital receptionist myself) all the sympathetic lady will do is pass these messages on. If she doesn't have the power to slot anyone in earlier, then nothing will change.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 02/02/2011 12:57

iloveblue - I'm sorry that you lost your baby last year and I'm really sorry you have had to wait this long to get some answers. Sadly you aren't the only one, the system does seem quite slow :(

I would call her again and tell her how worried you are about this baby and ask her to get the consultant to look at the PM and call you before the weekend. Tell her you are worried that the stress alone is bad for the baby.

Also, it wont hurt to ask if your results can be sent to your local hospital.

Original poster
iloveblue · 02/02/2011 12:58

She is the consultants secretary JLC - so she might be in charge of slotting in appointments, I don't know.

I've chatted with lots of other ladies in similar situations to me (lost a baby in 2nd tri)and they've all had their appointments within 12 weeks. Albeit, with different hospitals but it's very frustrating.

I feel very much in limbo - we don't even know if the baby was a boy or a girl. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
iloveblue · 02/02/2011 12:59

Thanks Chipping

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taintedpaint · 02/02/2011 13:02

I'm very sorry for your loss, and YADNBU in my eyes. I too am hoping this is a case of bad luck for you, and that this isn't usual practice (I hope you know what I mean!).

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope everything goes well for you!

Original poster
iloveblue · 02/02/2011 13:10

I know what you mean tainted and I'm sure Christmas/New Year and consultant being on leave have extended the time its taken to some degree.

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ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 02/02/2011 13:11

Iloveblue :( that is not good enough. I hope when you feel strong enough you will be able to write a complaint letter detailing all of this - it wont change things for you, but it might give you a bit of a release and it might prevent others being treat the same :(

Let us know when you get hold of her x

JamieLeeCurtis · 02/02/2011 13:13

It's a real shame your GP was useless - is there someone else in the practice you can see? If the GP were to put in a phone call to the consultant, that might well move things along. Drs listen to other dRS

montmartre · 02/02/2011 13:15

Iloveblue- I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope everything goes well with your pregnancy- many congratulations.

Original poster
iloveblue · 02/02/2011 13:16

Thats what I was hoping he would do JLC, but no - he wouldn't even check to see if any of the test results had come into the surgery and were on the computer system.

He is not my usual GP actually (he always has appointments available - and now I know why) so I could go back and see someone else.

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springbokdoc · 02/02/2011 13:27

So sorry for your loss.

Just to reassure you somewhat (although not excusing unacceptable delay) your consultant will have seen the results and probably marked it with appropriate timescale for next appt (next routine/ next urgent / overbook). If there was something that required actioning (meds etc) they normally would overbook a clinic or send letter to GP.

Still though this is not the way in which to handle what is a very upsetting and sensitive issue. I would ring back the secretary and ask her if she could arrage a telephone call or if she could just verify with him that nothing needed doing as you are pregnant.

I would in the meantime try and get an appt with your usual GP (again, a telephone consult might be enough).

Btw congratulations!!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 02/02/2011 13:32

Would the consultant send the results to your nice GP to talk over with you?
I agree with spring, I imagine it is all routine.
Very best of luck with this pregnancy. I do know how hard it is, mine was 22 weeks when it happened.

Original poster
iloveblue · 02/02/2011 13:46

Thanks spring - that does make sense.

And thanks kreecher - sorry you've had to go through this too. Did you ever find out why you lost your baby?

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MaryIsMyHomegirl · 02/02/2011 14:03

I'm so sorry for your loss ILoveBlue. I also lost my baby at 24 weeks on boxing day, they told me it would take 6 weeks for post mortem results to come back but just got an appointment through for 8th of march. I know i havent waited as long as you but it is a pain in the arse, i want to TTC again but cant really until i have the results.
Just wanted to offer you some support xxx

Original poster
iloveblue · 02/02/2011 14:13

Thanks Mary - I'm so sorry you lost your baby, I appreciate your support.

Well, I've just spoken to the secretary and I feel even worse.

I expressed my concerns about the fact I will be 11/12 weeks pregnant by the time the appointment comes around and she just said that there are no earlier appointments available. She has passed on the news of this pregnancy onto the consultant so she (consultant is female) is aware of it.
I then said - I assume if there was anything I should be doing the consultant would have let me know - and the secretary said yes.

I don't feel reassured somehow - but not sure what to do next.
I don't know if I'm blowing this out of proportion (I can't stop crying since I came off the phone) - but I feel like no-one is taking any notice of me.

I've just checked the info the GP gave me about the midwife and there is no contact number for her. Should I try to get hold of her or should I make an appointment to see GP? I don't think I can wait another 6 weeks to talk to someone about my concerns.

OP posts:
springbokdoc · 02/02/2011 14:22

I really would encourage you to speak to your GP - let them know that this obviously upsetting you and you would like to be reassured by a dr (personally) that there is nothing needing doing and just to speak through your concerns.

I'm really sorry that they aren't helping you through this. I would hope that this isn't representative of what goes on. surely it's one of those times when you can undertand why someone does not want it hanging over them I imagine it does form a part of the natural grieving process.

Your GP should be able to be your advocate (?sp). Otherwise ring the maternity unit and ask tp speak to the community widwife for your area. they may be able to help