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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

pretty sure I am but maybe someone will tell me otherwise..

32 replies

mckenzie · 01/02/2011 13:21

Last year, DH told me about a stag weekend that he had been invited on, a long weekend in July. It's for a work colleague.

My cousin has now announced she is getting married and yes, it's the same weekend!

I want DH to not go on the stag weekend and to come to the wedding instead. This side of my family live miles away and we only all get together once every couple of years. The last time DH didn't come as he couldn't be bothered/had a bad headache (delete as you see fit).

So, much as I know I'm being unreasonable to ask him to not go on the stag do I really really want us to all go to the wedding together. We're all staying in the same hotel so we can have the following day to spend together too.

OP posts:
Nagoo · 01/02/2011 13:23

I think you are BU in the nicest most well balanced fashion I have ever seen Grin

NancyDrewHasaClue · 01/02/2011 13:25

Read your title and wanted to say YANBU but yes I am afraid you are Grin

Deliaskis · 01/02/2011 13:25

Actually, I don't think you are being VU. Family wedding trumps colleague's stag weekend im my view. In fact wedding trumps stag anyway, unless stag is absolute best mate and wedding is random colleague/childhood friend of OH who you don't know.

The only issue here is the manners of accepting an invite and then 'repealing' acceptance on receipt of an invitation to another event, which is technically a bit rude. So I suppose in wanting DH to do that, YABU, but not to feel that he should prioritise the wedding.

D

BeerTricksPotter · 01/02/2011 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrSpoc · 01/02/2011 13:26

sorry but his was planned well in advance. Why cant you go without him?

woopsidaisy · 01/02/2011 13:27

Well,I get where you are coming from. I am close to lots of my cousins (big irish Catholic Family thing),and love all the weddings and get togethers. DH likes all my family,but doesn't like big "do's" at the best of times. I tend to go alone while he stays at home with the bambinos.
He was asked to the stag first. Sounds to me like even if the stag do wasn't on he wouldn't want to go anyway,so why drag him along? You will probably have a better time without worrying if he is enjoying himself.
I don't think you are unreasonable to want him to go,but I think you would be unreasonable to make him go.

daisyj · 01/02/2011 13:30

Actually, I don't think you necessarily are BU... Is the work colleague one of his best mates? If not, then I think wedding trumps stag do. In my family it certainly would and I think DH would probably volunteer to give up the stag do. If it was his closest friend's stag do and he was organising it then that would be different, but doesn't sound as if this is the case. However if he really wanted to go then I would happily go to the wedding on my own (as I presume you would) with DD. It's just nicer to do these family things together, isn't it?

daisyj · 01/02/2011 13:31

x-post with everyone else! MrSpoc, I don't think she said she wouldn't go without him...

JamieLeeCurtis · 01/02/2011 13:32

I think it depends

If it is a close friend, then stag do triumphs, but otherwise, family commitments and his partnership with you come first.

JamieLeeCurtis · 01/02/2011 13:34

The fact that it's a weekend away fro you swings it for me, as well.

MrSpoc · 01/02/2011 13:34

Because you do not see this side of your family that often and may be your husband does not know them that well. Do you think that he does not see this wedding being that important.

JamieLeeCurtis · 01/02/2011 13:34

for you

kepler10b · 01/02/2011 13:35

it's not being unreasonable to ask. but it is being unreasonable if you don't let him make his own mind up.

defineme · 01/02/2011 13:36

Can't you go separately? IUs childcare the issue-could you take kids to wedding on your own?

MrSpoc · 01/02/2011 13:36

i didnt read the post properly but if he is on a long weekend and the wedding i guess is just one day. Can you both compromise and he cut his weekend a little short?

Acanthus · 01/02/2011 13:36

There are work colleagues and work colleagues. How close do you think this guy is to your DH?

QueenLaQueefer · 01/02/2011 13:36

YANBU if it is just an colleague's stag.

yogididabooboo · 01/02/2011 13:36

sorry but no, YABU. he told you last year that he was going. it is now organised and he clearly isn't too desperate to spend time with your extended family that i am sure he barely knows.

BusyMissIzzy · 01/02/2011 13:41

Tricky. The stag do was arranged first, but family is important. I agree that it depends how close a friend this colleague is; if it's a close friend then the stag do is important to DH too, but if it's just a fun weekend, then the family even should be come first.

Either way, there's no harm in asking DH to come to the wedding instead, but you can't force him, he's an adult.

ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 13:43

Family weekend trumps stag weekend jolly...esp. with a groom who is not part of your family.

BusyMissIzzy · 01/02/2011 13:45

Grr. I meant event, not even, and ignore that extraneous 'be'. I really can't type today. [blames cold numbing fingers]

BluddyMoFo · 01/02/2011 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BluddyMoFo · 01/02/2011 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KnittedBreast · 01/02/2011 13:46

i wouldnt force him to go to your families wedding. you go to the wedding and he goes on the stag esp as it was pre booked

QueenLaQueefer · 01/02/2011 13:51
Blush

A colleague ffs.