To think I am probably a crap mother

[Knackeredmother]

It is 1pm. Neither I or my 2 children are dressed or have cleaned our teeth. They didn't get up till 9am or have breakfast till 10am. The house is a tip. I am so tired I could cry.
Have just worked 42 hours in 3 days. Ds has had 15 hospital admissions with bronchiolitis in the last 10 months and is on steroids and antibiotics as we speak and should probably be in hospital now. My daughter just had a week in hospital with a kidney infection.
It is lovely and sunny outside but I am too bloody exhausted to even get dressed. My poor kids deserve more and would love a trip to the park. My husband is just as tired but manages to take them out.
And before I get lots of 'you are depressed' replies, I'm really not. Seen my gp, score low for depression on the scales and clinically. I'm just knackered and crap at the mum thing.
I suppose I know Iabu but really wondered if anyone had advice how to pull my socks up and stop being so crap?

Stop beating yourself up - you sound like you are doing all you can so that makes you a great Mum!
Put Beebies on and snuggle up - it's freezing out anyway

you are not being crap. you are over tired and your children are ill. you are worried about them and stressed. you probebly need to sleep a good long time.

why dont you make a list of 5 jobs or chores you want to get done that day (each day). then list 2 or 3 activities to do with your children each day (could be colouring or anything). that way you will see the progress bieng made and will feel motivated to do more.
go to sleep until he brings them back, then set up something for them to do at the table while you peel veg for dinner later, put it in cold water to keep it fresh. while they are entertained hoover. then stick them in the bath while you do soemthing else.

you are not a crap mum, theres no point working yourself in to the ground if you are feeling shit. if you drop frome exhaustion there womt be anyone to pick up thei pieces.

Yes you are a crap mother! (Only joking) When life's full of streses like illnesses etc., it's difficult to keep it all together. Aim to get little things done one step at a time rather than wanting to wave a magic wand and make everything perfect. Don't be too proud to ask for help. Rest today & make a big effort to get yourself up at a decent time and everyone dressed tomorrow. That would be a big achievement and could get the ball rolling again. Good luck

First off, of course you're BU. I can't believe that you've managed at all with all that going on - you guys deserve medals! Who cares if it's sunny outside - it will be again :) How old are your kids? Could you rope in GPs to come over to let you guys get some sleep or to tidy up/do dishes/laundry? Could you & your husband take some time off just to catch up with yourselves?

To make you feel better, last night I had to (for the first time) get up every 90 mins for my little one and I'm about ready to call my mom to come over for a break amd DS is well.

Glad you saw your GP re the whole depression thing. Stop calling yourself crap you most certainly aren't!!

Or embrace it, call today duvet day. All do your teeth, if you really fancy have a shower and put your pjs back on then loll about on the couch with the kids having naps, eating whatever you fancy (pizza is the greatest in this situation) watch films and read books with them. Cuddles and rest is what you all seem to need today. Big hugs

right, well If it'll make you feel better, have a shower and get dressed. Pick some shit up off the floor and tidy the kitchen while the kids get dressed.

How old are they? Is tidying/ cleaning still a game to them, or can they be bullied encouraged to help?

Or, just put on a dvd and all have a cuddle. You've been working ad working (at home and WOTH) so it's ok to take a break! we all fall behind sometimes.

You are all very supportive and some good advice here. My children are 1 and 3. I probably wasnt very clear in my post. Today isn't a one off, most days I'm not at work (2 days a week) are like this.
Ds still breastfeeds which takes up a lot of time and there are sadly no gps to help out.
I know life would be easier without the constant hospital admissions but this is no way to live when we are not in hospital.
You are right though I really, really, really need a break. We co sleep and other than work and an odd haircut I have had no time alone for 2 years! God that is sad isn't it!

you sound like me. i wouldnt advise you read my post or you will be offended by the names people will call you.

bf is tiring in itself, it takes up alot of energy.

why dont you book a weekend away for yourself as a treat?

who looks after your children when you're at work? could you possibly book them another day in and take a day to yourself? I was at the end of my tether last year and tok a day off work, but dropped DS at the childminder anyway - it gave me some breathing space.

plus, could you have a decent sleep at the weekend? DH and I take turns to have a lie in, which helps.

we're still co-sleeping most of the night, and DS bfing all bloody night long - plus work, it's exhausting. and you have 2 children, both with ill health at the moment too? I'm in awe!!

You are NOT crap - you are just utterly exhausted and have had an appalling time of it in the last few months. Be gentle with yourself and get a load of sleep! After that, to re-energise, can you find time to do a little exercise? Helps the body but clears the mind too.

what tiredtrout said. Do all brush your teeth though

On Sundays, I often let the children stay in their pyjamas and eat when they like, this is normal for me once a week, but I do like my down-time.

YOu sound amazing, you are coping very very well with a difficult situation. Personally, I think if you are working that hard, then having down-time days a couple of days a week is ok. You can't work 40 odd hours in 3 days, then get up and be super-mum on those days off, you just can't. Plus the broken sleep, the stress of ill children and hospitals, give yourself a break.

I'm very much the stay-at-home and potter around type whereas my husband always take the children to an activity or day out, I think it's fine as long as there is a bit of a balance and they aren't driving you crazy indoors (main reason to go out).

I work very hard, and look after the children pretty much single-handed, and I have to take it easy on my days off else I can't cope. Do you have a nap when the children nap? I survived off those naps (and yes, I did used to get them to nap together for precisely this reason) for the early years, plus the odd nap on Sat or Sun.

You are not crap, u r lovely and need to remember how special u r. So what if u r not dressed, getting dressed is overrated. Lots of hugs.

you're doing fine

we all have those , god I'm crap moments

my dad used to say to me i only understand now,

'Parenting is like you're mental health if you're never question it its time to worry'

keeping yourself on your toes is good the 'could I be doing more?' makes room for improvement.

If i just word vomited ignore me lol

You are not crap! You need a bit of a push, but you will get there.

You kids are small and demanding, it is OK to feel overwhelmed.

Are you a list maker? If so write a list of 5 things to get done today.

To sort the house- I would book older child into day care for one extra day a week, then get to grips with giving the house a good clean. But you can do all of this in about an hour. Easy, just blitz it!
Housework
Put a wash on then
Bathroom- clean the loo/sink when kids are in the bath
Kitchen- gat all the dirty dishes into a basin of hot soapy water, meanwhile, wipe the surfaces and sweep the floor.Then wash up.
Living room- go around with an empty laundry basket and fill it with everything that belongs upstairs. Go around again and bin any rubbish. Straighten the cushions. Go around one last time and get all the toys in a box/area
Bedrooms- Take up your filled basket, empty. Make beds, dump clothes in laundry basket. Go round with empty basket and fill with what should be elsewhere. Then empty in the rightful places.

Now your house is tidy.
Lay out your clothes and the kids for tomorrow, pack your changing bag, pack lunches for the kids. Even if you do not go out, all you have to do is make your lunch.

Meal Plan for the week, do a big shop- delivery if you can.

Go and get your hair cut, buy something nice for yourself- new moisturiser, hand cream, magazine.

Lean on your friends.
Do you go to nay baby groups. I used to go to one where the toddlers ran about and the mums used to sit and chat and it was bliss. we would all coo over the little babies. i used to live for one "outing" a day to focus me.

So sorry your kids are poorly. hope things get better soon.

Brilliant practical advice here and very much appreciated support. Well, teeth are cleaned and we've made an omelette together for lunch and just had a disco to the "specials" in the living room. I feel a bit more energised!
House still a tip though lol!!!

I've found that I can do two out of three things well when a working mum, either do lots with my children and work very hard, or do lots of housework and work very hard, but I really can't do all three to a high standard as I just get tired, exhausted and get every virus going (as well as feeling like I am sleep-walking my way through life).

So, in my case, housework has gone down the list, I know do enough so there is no hygeine hazard, but dusting just isn't on the daily agenda. Some things just have to be let go if you are to survive and enjoy life with your little ones.

You sound like a lovely mum, and the children will have loved the disco!

best advice is

dont turn the computer on in the morning!!

its fatal

you sound great, not in the last crap,and just like you need a bit of practical support, & a bit of a break in terms of your DC's health! I actually think you are doing really well under the circumstances you have described.

Does your older child go to a nursery/ pre-school when she's well?

Have to agree with clevercloggs on that one

Messes up my well-intentioned plans every time

I think you sound like a great mum who just has too much on her plate at the moment. When you feel up to it will be lovely to get out to the park for some fresh air but no point beating yourself up over it. Hope things improve for you all soon

Some fab advice here. Maybe staying in all your Pjs psycholgoically makes you feel like you aren't doing so well.

In the mornings you dont work, how about you all get up, do the breaksfast / boob feed thing. Run a nice bath - you jump in it with the kids together, you then get out - let them play in it a little and get dressed (supervise 1 year old, so prob get dressed in same room) then get nippers out and dressed.

Stick TV for half an hour and do a surface declutter - whack some laundry on, fill up dishwasher / sink with hot water and put all dishes in to soak.

That way, by 11am you are all up, dressed, done one or two chores and can pop out if you feel like it or have a day at home with paints / toys picnic etc...

I found it helpful with my two.

You aren't crap , you are over tired - big difference. Hope things are on the up soon :)

You've just had your kids help make a healthy lunch, and held a disco in the living room, and you're that tired?

You are so not a crap mum.

Do you have any spare cash? You sound like a prime candidate for a cleaner .