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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cancel DD's operation?

65 replies

lastresort · 31/01/2011 22:17

To cut a long story short...DD (4) has been recommended to have an operation on her lazy eye which turns outwards occassionally.

After numerous appointments at Hospital they think she should have op, purely for cosmetic reasons.

I am torn now as they have booked her in for op next week and I feel uncertain.

She has perfect vision, which could be affected by op as there is a chance it could go wrong...as with all ops. Also she will be under anasthetic which scares me.

On one hand, I don't want her to turn round to me in 10 years and say @I can't get a boyfriend cos of my eye and it's all your fault'.
On the other hand, if anything goes wrong, I would never be able to forgive myself.

Am thinking of phonong tommorrow to cancel op, AIBU?

OP posts:

cory · 01/02/2011 08:21

Do you trust them when they say it is purely cosmetic?

I did not have mine corrected when I was little and 40 years later it is a big problem, despite later intervention. After a lot of work with special prisms and eye exercises, I am now able to use both eyes together when I wear glasses, but I have virtually no 3 D vision and my brain tends not to react to things that happen on the lazy side- so I can't drive, for instance.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 01/02/2011 08:29

It's a difficult decision. You have to trust your instincts.

DS1 had the op because I was told it was to improve his 3d vision. His lazy eye wasn't very noiceable because he wears glasses, we wouldn't have put him through it for purely cosmetic reasons. It doesn't seem to have done much anyway, he still wears glasses and his eye still turns when he is tired. Vision tests show hardly any improvement

Onetoomanycornettos · 01/02/2011 09:15

Why is it 'bad' to have a squint or lazy eye corrected just for cosmetic reasons? I would think that was a good reason! If you have an unavoidable problem or disability, then you just have to get a tough outer shell and get on with it, but if there's a chance of changing it, especially one that might also improve the vision, then I would absolutely take it.

And I do know at least one person who is still angry at his parents for not correcting a very pronounced squint when he was a child. We encouraged a friend to seek a medical opinion recently for her child's squint, it was incredibly pronounced and the little boy had issues focusing on words etc, now it is corrected he looks better and he's no other issues, I can't really see the rationale for leaving it myself.

maltesers · 01/02/2011 09:28

I sympathize with you lastrsort. Its so hard to think whats best for your kids. My DD has a squint op at 7months old , and she had a good result. They say dont they, that its best to get eyes done before 6/7 yrs when the eyesight (vision is fixed for life) If they are recommending the op then its probably for the best.
My Ds (10yrs) is due for Circimcision next Thursday and I am still wondering is it the right thing to do....Its so so hard. Get as much Info as you can. You still have time to research and be certain about what you are doing. Wishing you all the best for your little DD. xx

Original poster

lastresort · 01/02/2011 10:53

Thankyou again for some great advice.
Have phoned hospital and voiced my concerns and am waiting for Doc to call me back.

Think main worry is that when DS1 was little his eye went outwards too, but as he has got older it straightened up on it's own. So am hoping this might be same for DD.

OP posts:

ElsieR · 01/02/2011 11:08

I would go for it but I understand your concerns.
Hope it goes well.

Olderkidsaremine · 01/02/2011 11:31

My son - now 20 - had the operation to correct both of his eyes, he could move the turning inwards from one eye to the other, made for great appointments at the hospital with the students! He had the operation when he was 4, it wasn't a total success although it did improve his appearance.

At 7 was told that he could have it done again if I wanted! Lots of soul searching was done and I decided against it, we were moving and I wondered if the new school would pick up on it - the kids asked, he said what was wrong and that was that - and at the last appointment at the hospital when he was 8 was told that it would get less noticeable as he got taller and that if it bothered him he could get it done again, that there wasn't a time limit on it.

Its only really noticeable know when he has too much to drink or he is really tired, although if he is not face on to the television he does favour one eye over the other.

I would say get it done even if if it is considered a 'cosmetic' operation it will make your childs life a bit easier when appearence is everything to them.

Original poster

lastresort · 01/02/2011 11:33

Have just spoken to Doc and he says it is okay to postpone OP until later. Will be going to see him next week so can have a proper talk then.

Feel better now and know that we do have options now.

OP posts:

KnittedBreast · 01/02/2011 11:33

get the op done, shel thank you for it when shes older.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 01/02/2011 12:36

Good, I think this is the best decision for you, take your time, get all of the info and be sure this is the best thing for your DD :)

loflo · 01/02/2011 12:59

DS is now 7 - he has a squint but is also really long sighted. Glasses have fixed his vision and the squint is less noticeable with them on. His specialist left it entirely to us to decide whether we wanted surgery for cosmetic reasons and have decided that DS can make the decision himself as it can be done at any point.

One of the wee boys in his nursery had it done when he was 4 and it needs done again and he is only 7.

It's a tough one but DS has only had one comment at school which he dealt with really well.

sarahtigh · 01/02/2011 13:02

YANBU to be worried, everyone has to be warned about risks however tiny its part of informed consent, if any questions ring up today, I do understand as I have to wear glasses all the time and would never have laser eye surgery but then I have astigmatism too and the results are not good in those cases

please whatever you decide do not leave it till last minute cancel early enough so someone else can have appointment or theatre slot

if you decide yes try and keep calm so your DD does not pick up on your anxiety treat it as routine.. i know its not routine for you but it is for the surgeons etc

I can not advise you what to do but I think if she has had numerous appts and they advise it may be that is right decision. if you wait unitl old enough todecide she will 14- 16 as no 7-12 year old will decide in favour of surgery as they can not really grasp the concept so doing stuff now to prevent problems later or doing stuff that is uncomfortable, I would say 4 was better than 7-8

springbokdoc · 01/02/2011 13:03

Glad to hear that they could get you an appt to chat things thru. Btw, I'd take a list with you - a lot of patients completely forget important Qs when faced with the surgeon!

The whole pre-op set up is geared towards making mom & child happy and relaxed. they have play specialists that talk your little one thru what will happen on the day and the anaesthetists on op lists for children are experienced and risk-averse - they will do everything to make sure it's safe to go ahead. That being said, almost all moms burst into tears as soon as theur DC is in theatre so don't worry about it - it's perfectly natural iyswim.

brokenmarrow · 01/02/2011 13:36

Maybe ask doc about using minus lens therapy to see if it might at least buy some time. some research for divergent squints suggests op is more successful if its done after the age of 7.

think you did the right thing postponing until you feel happy that all your questions have been answered - make a list if necessary to take in to next appt

jellybeans · 01/02/2011 14:54

I agree there is no rush. Many specialists advise waiting and be prepared to have more than one op as well.

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