To cancel DD's operation?

[lastresort]

To cut a long story short...DD (4) has been recommended to have an operation on her lazy eye which turns outwards occassionally.

After numerous appointments at Hospital they think she should have op, purely for cosmetic reasons.

I am torn now as they have booked her in for op next week and I feel uncertain.

She has perfect vision, which could be affected by op as there is a chance it could go wrong...as with all ops. Also she will be under anasthetic which scares me.

On one hand, I don't want her to turn round to me in 10 years and say @I can't get a boyfriend cos of my eye and it's all your fault'.
On the other hand, if anything goes wrong, I would never be able to forgive myself.

Am thinking of phonong tommorrow to cancel op, AIBU?

And if dd could gave an operation to correct it I'd be in like a shot with her!

bulby I apologise if my reply caused offence x

It's a tough decision. My DS was born with a small cyst on his head and we were recomended as a baby to have it removed. We refused saying we would prefer it if he was a bit older, as I hated the idea of putting a baby through a cosmetic operation. When he was three we were asked back and this time we decided to go for it. Yes I tortured myself with the thought that something could go wrong and we would never forgive ourselves for putting him through a cosmetic operation, yes I didn't sleep for a week before the op and yes I spent the 40 minutes he was in theatre pretending to read a magazine so that no one in the waiting room would see that I was crying. But having had the operation and come safely through it I'm very glad we went for it. The cyst would never have caused him any health problems, but he could easily have had a miserable time at school being teased about his lumpy forehead. Now he has a barely noticable scar and no memories of his operation. When it's planned surgery they examine your child very carefully and will postpone it if your child is not in perfect health. The staff at the hospital should be willing to answer any questions to put your mind at rest. Perhaps make a list of all your concerns and see what they say.

Thankyou for your replies. Think I'm going to have to sleep on this one.

My dd has had 14 general anaesthetics in her life, she is 3. She doesn't remember any of them (the last one was less than a year ago) The hospital we very good, very careing, very serious about making it a 'good' experience for her. At first I held her as she went to sleep and then left crying, by the end we were both taking it in our stride.

The point is, that an operation per se seems like an enormous thing for us, and we don't want to put our dc through it, but it isn't in the perspective of their life, it is just one incident. (not trying to belittle it you understand)

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, are you wanting to cancel because the idea of an operation is so scary, or because it may not be necessary? Many adults have lazy eyes (including my dh) and it isn't a big deal, but obviously for some it is. Will this operation still work if she waits? Or is there an optimum time?

If you wait til the day of the op to ask your questions, you may find they are trying to gently push you into it, because it is all scheduled. I would phone the consultant and ask to have a word to ask some questions before you go ahead. I would expect them to take time to talk to you, my dd's consultant always did.

I had this op a few years ago. I'd had a squint corrected as a child, but not very well and it soon was as bad as it had been originally. I was really self conscious about it for years and finally had it sorted out.
I have to say that I was quite annoyed that my parents had not gone back to the doctors and asked for the eye to be straightened again. Over the years I came in for a lot of teasing and funny looks because of my squint.
I was quite worried about the op, but it was ok - I had it done as a day case, under general anaesthetic. The worst part was going home in the car at the end of the day, I felt really nauseous!
Incidentally, I had a botox injection into the muscle in the corner of my eye a few months beforehand to mimic the result of the operation and check that my eyesight would not be affected. Not as bad as it sounds, just a little pressure on the side of my eye and it worked a treat. Apparently this can be topped up regularly instead of an operation, and sometimes 'trains' the muscle to keep the eye straight.

Dont believe what all opticians tell you, they told me my son of ten would need an operation to correct his lazy eye, that he needed glasses but couldnt wear them that the only thing we could do was get him an operation.

I paid for him to go to Bupa to an eye specialist, he said that when my sons eyes got tired he squinted that he did not need an operation and as to date at the age of 23 he has never worn glasses or had an operation.

Get a second opinion on your son with regards his sight.

I do think you are worrying unnecessarily and that all operations come with risks they have to tell you about them.

The chances of anything happening to your daughter are negligible. Get her the op now whilst you can whilst she cannot worry about it.

My 7 year old daughter has one eye that turns out. We noticed it for the first time 6 months ago but it turns out that she's probably had problems with it for a long time, but her brain has been able to overcome it until recently when, because she was doing much more close work at school, that started to break down so it became more of a problem. Her vision in terms of long or short sightedness is actually excellent, but when her eye turns she sees double or blurred, and it was also affecting her 3D vision.

I asked about patching but for some types of squint, including the type my daughter has, this doesn't work. This is because it is a muscle imbalance causing the eye to turn. If your child's eyesight is good, sounds like she has the same sort. Patching is used when the eye turns because one eye is more long or short sighted than the other.

For my DD it looks as though glasses are helping and hopefully she won't need an operation, but if they weren't then I would let her have the operation because of the problems of double vision and impaired 3D vision that were getting worse before.

Botox is another option, though it is temporary and needs to be redone.

If you're unsure, speak to the opthalmologist and ask them to explain why patching won't work, and what the pros and cons of a corrective op are.

I think if her lazy eye could be cured with a patch then they would offer that. Surgery is only a last resort and they wouldn't be offering it unless they thought it was the best option.

I am in a simelar type of dilema and it is so hard. All I can say is that there are advantages and disadvantages and risks either way to waiting/not waiting. I have a friend who waited and her DD is a teenager and has just had her eyes done. She didn't get teased but wanted it herself as she became more conscious about her looks and she is into drama etc so felt all eyes were upon her. Her eyes are about 80% better now after the op. I was told that it often needs repeating and know several adults who previously had surgery.

There is an adjustable suture they can put it as well which can be better in teenagers according to some doctors.

It is a difficult one when it is for 'cosmetic' reasons only. I have secondary age kids and they can be cruel but it is better these days, bullying is not as tolerated. Maybe you could put it off for a while and think about it abit longer if you are not 100%. There is also vision therapy which is contraversial but has worked for a boy I know. Good luck with your decision.

It's daunting when you imagine your child having surgery, but the operation of lazy eye will be a tiny tiny operation - probably day surgery?

It is almost never as bad as we imagine, and often worse for the parent than the child. If it needs doing and will be better for her in the long run, just get in with it.

DS has had 9 GAs. It's fine, honestly

I spent over 20 years not being able to look at any photo of me without wincing. I avoided looking in a mirror. People had to ask if I was talking to them...

I had squint correction surgery when I was over 30. I know the results are purely cosmetic, but I cannot tell you how much more at ease I am.

Cosmetic is not a dirty word. You'll have to suffer when she goes in for the op but she'll never know, therefore never suffer the worry of the operation not the potential teasing at school and potential confidence problems.

My son is having the same op soon. Although he does have sight problems too, the op is for purely cosmetic reasons.

I grew up with a squint as my parents wouldnt let me have the op. I was bloody miserable. I got bullied and the piss taken out of me for years and there is no way I want my little boy having that.

His dad doesnt want him to have it but admits that its because he is terrified at the thought of anyone buggering about with their eyes and is projecting his fear onto our son. But also he admits that its whats best for DS that is important so we are going ahead.

other kids can be cruel. get it sorted

My SIL's DD has the same prob with one of her eyes. My SIL, however, was to fucking lazy to ever do anything to try and help her (wouldn't do the exercises with her, make her wear her glasses, etc) and it progressively got worse. She had the surgery about two or three years ago (she's now 9 or 10) and it has made a significant difference in her eye and her confidence.

If you feel you can't trust their opinion, get a second opinion somewhere else.

Lastresort, is the operation easier done now than when older? If it makes no difference I would wait and she can have to operation later if she desires to?

D1 has a "thing" in one arm, blood vessels that have overgrown and look like a big lump. She was seen several times by a surgeon who wantes to see if it carried on growing or not. When it stopped growing, he said she could have anopreation to remove it(cosmetic like yours as it is not at the moment impairing her moves or anything). For us he sid it made no difference to do it now or in 10 years. the riscks will be exactly the same (it is close to her elbow and potentially she could use some mobilituy of her arm) We decided to wait and until she complains about it she won't get the op. Eye a bit different though as visible all the time to everyone and might make her self concious earlier.

Sorry, not helping.

I would suggest you try to get a second opinion. (For instance from a quick internet search I am concerned that you are talking about cross-eyed, rather than lazy eye.) Could you go and talk to the Optician you saw with your son?

I would also hunt for someone who does the non-surgery route and get an opinion from them.

If you are really concerned that you've not been told the full story and that you've not been listened to, then ring up tomorrow and say that you are worried, and that you'd like to speak to the doctor again before making a decision. If after that you are still unhappy then go back to your GP and get a referral to another hospital.

I think that it probably is a good idea to get treatment sooner rather than later, but a few months is unlikely to make very much difference and you need to be confident in your child's medical team.

My dh had a squint correction as a child and another one a few years back. His eye only noticeably turned in when he was very tired (or drunk) but he was very self conscious about it. The op was very quick and he recovered very quickly too. On the other hand I could have my extreme shortsightedness corrected but there is no way I'd go under the knife/laser, so I totally understand your fears.

I'm another who had this op as a child. I would honestly have been cross with my mother if she had not taken the option to have the corrective surgery when she had the chance. We spent so long with the patching unsuccessfully that my previously lazy eye is still visually lazy and I don't have full binocular vision but it's good enough. It's not just cosmetic but, shallow as I am, that was plenty of reason for me.

I had this as a child and it was (thank goodness rectified by a small operation 46 years ago). It worked jolly well then and I'm glad it was done - do not have a squint and both eyes look in the same direct. It is disconcerting if one meets someone whose eyes don't - you don't know which one to look at.

Your daughter needs to have this done for her self esteem and well being later on. If you have concerns about the hospital ask for a second opinion, at Moorfields if you have to to put your mind at rest.

My DC have both had minor ops, ie, grommets and there was an argument against that but neither looked back, notwithstanding a couple of emergencies. I'm sure your DD will be fine and this will protect her emotionally and from teasing as she gets older.

The emergencies related to broken bones, appendix later on - nothing to do with the planned grommets.

And also, you need to keep calm and positive about this otherwise your daughter will freak out.

Get it done. The sooner, the better.

My mum has that turn in her eye, although with glasses this is corrected, I know she's told me she had a hellish time through school because of it,but is now fine with it and it's not noticeable when she wears her glasses.

It's completely up to you of course,but if you can do something to prevent any (possible) insecruities I'd do it, the doctors have to tell you the risks but they are very capable and she not remember this when she is older!