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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that my ds swimming instructor pushed him under water

75 replies

roseability · 31/01/2011 20:16

My ds does swimming lessons, he is 4.11

He is very unsure about the water so I thought lessons would help him

When I say lessons, I expected them to be quite laid back as he is only 4

It is a lady that takes his lesson but sometimes a guy does some group stuff at the start then he takes another more advanced group

I have seen him badgering my ds to put his head under water before and today he just dunked him right under without proper warning. My ds looked like he was going to cry but I was in the water nearby and mouthed 'are you okay?'. He seemed reassured so I resisted the urge to go and punch this guy

After lesson woman comes up and asks if my ds enjoys the lessons as he is quite and doesn't take her on.

Well I let her know I wasn't happy about what the guy did and she said 'yes he pushes them more than I do'

WTF! They are 4 and I told her that might be why he isn't enjoying them as much as he should, that he doesn't want to put his head under yet but that is fine - it might take a little longer

My overall point is that I think too much is expected of kids these days. I think I will have words with that guy next week

OP posts:

barmbrack · 31/01/2011 20:20

At this age it is all about confidence. I would be pulling my child out of the lessons and making it very clear why.

As an aside, have you heard of the [[http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dolphin-Blue-SwimFin-approved-buoyancy/dp/B001JQO25S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1296505179&sr=8-1-spell SwimFin}}?? They are absolutely fantastic confidence builders and real fun. By Dnieces love theirs and they really help children to learn to swim quickly by providing only the buoyancy they need ... (have a look at the reviews!)

Your poor DS. He sounds very brave

barmbrack · 31/01/2011 20:20

Oh bother

here

scurryfunge · 31/01/2011 20:23

Perfect way to create a swimming phobia. What a wanker.

Take your child out of his class and tell him why.

bubblewrapped · 31/01/2011 20:23

I would be inclined to not say anything. He is the expert in getting children to overcome a fear of water and be confident in it.

4 year olds can drown.. confident 4 year olds who dont panic when they go under the water have a lot more chance of survival.

He is already in the water, the first thing they should overcome is the fear of their head going under, or they will never learn to swim.

Original poster

roseability · 31/01/2011 20:24

hey that looks great!

I might well take him out and go swimming at another pool on a monday morning. My dd is 19 months and loves the water so I could probably manage both of them.

OP posts:

barmbrack · 31/01/2011 20:25

Bubble, I completely disagree.

SHE is the expert in her son.

NOTHING makes a child less floaty than a fear of the water, and NOTHING creates a fear like that quicker than being scared you might drown. The instructor is a knobend and shouldn't be teaching kids at all.

(I am a swimming teacher btw)

Original poster

roseability · 31/01/2011 20:26

He did not look like an expert to me bubblewrapped, just a bully who was pissed my ds wouldn't play ball

OP posts:

scurryfunge · 31/01/2011 20:26

bubblewrapped -it is pointless forcing that situation in a 4 year old. They need to be encouraged and trained to put their face in the water -not submerged without warning.

Original poster

roseability · 31/01/2011 20:27

what should I do barmbrack? The woman who takes his lesson seems fine and does not push him.

OP posts:

barmbrack · 31/01/2011 20:29

Glad you like the look of it.

We've really found they are fab for helping to build confidence - and kids love them because, well, because they are shark fins, what could be cooler than that?!

I'd give the lessons a break for a while and do fun swimming until he feels more confident. The shark fin really does help them to learn to swim quite quickly. Maybe when he feels more confident about it all he can go back to lessons with a teacher who is a bit less of a knob better at dealing with children.

Good luck with it all.

Northernlurker · 31/01/2011 20:31

I would say to the teacher that you don't want that bully near your son again. Personally I wouold take my child out of that environment altogether. This is cruel and frightening and counter-productive. What a total git!

barmbrack · 31/01/2011 20:31

x-posted.

Ask him what he wants to do.

And as you've identified it would also be good if you could build in the 'fun' swimming as an extra and a bit of a boost for him.

sazm · 31/01/2011 20:37

thats awful,
tbh if that had been my son i dont think i would have resisted the urge to punch him in the face and shove his head under the water!

i would def not send your son again and i would write a letter of complaint.

Original poster

roseability · 31/01/2011 21:00

Just drafted a letter of complaint
and ordered that swimming aid. My ds will love it!

There is a quiet pool just a little further away. We will go there and just have fun. Thanks for your reassurance

OP posts:

mommmmyof2 · 31/01/2011 21:03

I think I would have been tempted to jump in and shove the teachers head under the water p
But of course that is wrong! but yes people have phobias because something normally scared them in thier lives.Someone did the same to me when I was younger and I begged my mom not to send me back to have lessons and I was older than your ds.

Not a strong swimmer now but I can swim and I did it when I was good and ready!

saffy85 · 31/01/2011 21:08

YANBU I'd be livid. And definately remove him from lessons and take him elsewhere in the near future while in the meantime still taking him swimming for fun.

Don't see how dunking someone under water against their will makes them more confident in the water- surely it would have the opposite effect?

Vallhala · 31/01/2011 21:22

I'm 46. And I don't swim. Not ever.

I can manage about 10 yards at a push but you have as much chance of getting me swimming as getting a Dalek up stairs. Not only do I hate being in water, I'm scared of it.

And my swimming instructor pushed heads underwater and pushed us in when I was a child. So now you know why I don't swim. I've never forgotten it and never forgiven him.

If I were you I'd get my child out of that class as of now because imho acting as his instructor does is the fastest way to put a child off swimming for life.

sharbie · 31/01/2011 21:25

same thing happened to my dcs - we never went to that class again.
i am a fairly good swimmer but don't put my head underwater.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 31/01/2011 21:28

Why is it that swimming (and sometimes PE) teachers can be sometimes be such horrible bullies

Original poster

roseability · 31/01/2011 21:31

unfortunately there are a whole mulitude of people who want to bully children because they are damaged individuals

That instructor didn't know I was watching

vile man

OP posts:

MarionCole · 31/01/2011 21:32

DS is almost 4, has swimming lessons but will not put his face in the water.

His teacher is very good with him, praises him for trying (when he goes as far as putting his chin in for example!). He has said to me that the confidence will come, we just have to give it time.

I would be incandescent if he forced my DS underwater and we wouldn't be going back.

strawberrylion · 31/01/2011 21:33

I would definitely do something about it - this happened to me when I was little - now 29 and I can't swim at all

PigValentine · 31/01/2011 21:35

My DS1 is the same age; he's a very confident swimmer and can swim underwater. However, I would still be really horrified if his swimming teacher did this - so to a child who is unsure of the water, it's really awful!

The only thing I would say, although I understand why you want to move, is to think about going to a noisy pool to swim, as well as a quieter one for lessons. The reason I say this is that one of the mum's at DS1's lessons took her daughter out and started lessons with a woman who had her own (tiny) pool, very small lessons, etc...her daughter made good progress in a technical sense, but she has now started coming back for sessions at ours, as her DD gets a bit freaked out in a busy pool...she is a few months younger than your DS though

fireblademum · 31/01/2011 21:37

What a nob. But for all those grown UPS who hate swimming - I am told that learning scuba diving or even snorkelling cam rid you of fear of the watuer. Saw this first hand in a close friend. Hated water and could barely swim. On a mad whim did the padi open water on holiday and is now fine, canswim quite happily for miles (ish) now. Instructor said this isn't uncommon going diving removes that fear of the unfamiliar element.

toeragsnotriches · 31/01/2011 21:37

I had a real bully for a swimming teacher and it took me ages to get over being scared of swimming lessons.

What a horrible thing for that guy to do to him. He's only 4! He's got plenty of time to learn.

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