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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I can go to any stay and play baby groups?

52 replies

kitten30 · 31/01/2011 15:57

Hi I am a new mum and I usually work full time. I have taken a year maternity leave and I am finding it wonderful but I do need adult conversation and something to do in the day. I have been to a few breast feeding groups and stay and play but I noticed a woman looking at me and being a bit 'put out' shall we say as I was attending a group which wasnt in the area I live in. I want to go to groups more regularly than the one in my immediate vicinity.

Have other people done this? Is it a kind of no no or what? I am confused?

Thanks Ladies.

OP posts:

TattyDevine · 31/01/2011 15:59

I dont see why she should give a toss to be honest.

Or how she would even know (unless she did the "are you from round here" thing I suppose)

Just carry on.

YANBU

valiumredhead · 31/01/2011 15:59

I always visited 3 or 4. As far as I know it's not a 'no no.'

Are you sure the other lady was put out?

mutznutz · 31/01/2011 16:00

How did you get that from a look? was there anything said?

propercrimbo · 31/01/2011 16:00

I went to them all over, maybe she just had a sour face!

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 16:01

Are you sure she was put out? and if so, are you sure it was about this? Just seemed odd to me.

DeidreBarlow · 31/01/2011 16:01

I don't think there is a protocol as such. I think its more than likely this was just one that was a bit cliquey (this is common ime).

I have found that with P&T groups it is very much a case of trial and error. You'll find friendly ones and not so friendly ones.

Hope you get a warmer reception at the next one you go to.

MollysChambers · 31/01/2011 16:01

YANBU - but some toddler groups do have a waiting list believe it or not. So you may want to check. Other than that I honestly can't see why anyone would object.

InterruptingCow · 31/01/2011 16:02

If they're drop in, open to everyone groups, you should be free to go to any you wish. Some groups do have limits on numbers, though, and there may be a waiting list. I'd probably ring and confirm it was okay before just turning up, or at least have a word with someone in charge when you arrive, just to make sure you're not jumping a queue.

If you go to several, you will find they vary enormously. Some can be very cliquey and what suits one person may not suit you. I'd suggest trying a few then narrowing it down to the ones you like best.

Have fun!

reallytired · 31/01/2011 16:02

If you aren't welcome I am sure the organisers will let you know.

For example there is a toddler group for bengali speaking mothers. Since I can't speak Bengali I do not be allowed to attend.
It would be interesting if a white bengali speaking person turned up to that group.

In our area there are lots of church groups which welcome anyone.

Original poster

kitten30 · 31/01/2011 16:02

Yes she wsa not happy and she commented how I should access services in my own area really. I was aksed where I live. I just wondered about the etiquette of this if you like..if its seen to be okay to hop about from one to the other in other areas?

OP posts:

clam · 31/01/2011 16:07

Was she there in any official capacity, or was she just another mum? If it's the latter then what on earth's it got to do with her?

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 16:08

Who runs this group?

I live in London, and would go to several parent-toddler groups, some in my borough, some in a neighbouring one. These were church or parent-run ones, though.

She might just be being a jobsworth

MollysChambers · 31/01/2011 16:08

God how rude. And strange tbh. Ignore her. Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to meet others parents and kids in different areas. What a horrible woman.

Original poster

kitten30 · 31/01/2011 16:10

Yeah she was just another mum..I got the feeling this group was rather cliquey but some are so very welcoming, hence my confusion you see. I didnt know if other people just stick to groups in their own area or if it was okay to go from one to the other. I also get the feeling that some groups kind of expect you will go back to there the following week. Its a whole new world for me to navigate..

OP posts:

PeachesandStrawberry · 31/01/2011 16:11

Sounds very weird.

I go to groups in my area and also in another area and no one has been negative about it.

Ignore her and carry on.

PeachesandStrawberry · 31/01/2011 16:12

If it was another mum, then ignore.

What's it got to do with her?

bellabelly · 31/01/2011 16:13

When I lived in London, a friend and I went to a local-ish sure-start stay and play but were told by the oraniser that we lived in the wrong postcode earlier and could only go to our most local one. Which we didn't like half as much!

bellabelly · 31/01/2011 16:13

earlier? I meant to say area!

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 16:16

Oh yes, I did find some groups rather cliquey and unwelcoming. She certainly sounds that way. Me and a friend took over the running of a group and made sure we were very welcoming, but it did become a victim of its own success because we ended up having to limit numbers for safety reasons.

DeidreBarlow · 31/01/2011 16:20

I'd chalk this one up to being a bad experience and try somewhere else. Was it just this one woman who was a cow? I hope some of the other mums were more welcoming.

Try your local churches, I found on the whole church run ones tend to be the least cliquey (also not overtly religious either in case that would bother you)

WimpleOfTheBallet · 31/01/2011 16:22

Can I ask if it was a Surestart Centre? These are deliberately placed in areas where there are many low income families....and the idea is that the service is for local families.

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 16:23

Yes, I wondered that, too Wimple. Although even then, if anyone had an issue with it, it should be the organisers. And also, imagine f someone who was a bit wobbly with PND came in . I t could completely put them off. I know because I was a bit like this with DS1

springbokdoc · 31/01/2011 16:27

Sorry to sidetrack - but how old does your little one need to be before going to these groups? I thought they were for one year & above? (Also on mat leave)

WimpleOfTheBallet · 31/01/2011 16:28

Yes...I got afully upet over a very minor incident after I had DD2. Youofen think there are unwritten rules for being a parent...but there aren't really...

I hav heard of one of our surestart centres getting pissed off with Mothers from JUST outside the area using the faclities...my friend lives on the cusp of a posh area and a rather poor one...officially she's in the posh bit and so isn't supposed to use the centre...but she did...and recived more than one comment.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 31/01/2011 16:29

There are MOthes with newborns at ours springbok....they sit in a baby area with mats for laying the babies and hanging toys etc. They come to chat.

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