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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I can go to any stay and play baby groups?

52 replies

kitten30 · 31/01/2011 15:57

Hi I am a new mum and I usually work full time. I have taken a year maternity leave and I am finding it wonderful but I do need adult conversation and something to do in the day. I have been to a few breast feeding groups and stay and play but I noticed a woman looking at me and being a bit 'put out' shall we say as I was attending a group which wasnt in the area I live in. I want to go to groups more regularly than the one in my immediate vicinity.

Have other people done this? Is it a kind of no no or what? I am confused?

Thanks Ladies.

OP posts:

DeidreBarlow · 31/01/2011 16:31

No age limit at any I go to either...

valiumredhead · 31/01/2011 16:36

Lots of newborns were at the ones I used to attend with ds when he was little. I used to go to SS ones and never heard of sticking to your 'own' one. In fact we were encouraged to go and check out ones further afield ( mind you this was a while ago, as ds is 9 now)

Original poster

kitten30 · 31/01/2011 16:44

Ah well I intended to take no notice and from what you ladies say it doesnt really seem a no no to hop about from one to the other. I have every intention of going to as many as possible as I want to meet as many new mums as I can.

To the person who asked about the ages, the breast feeding groups are full of new borns..in fact I felt my baby was old there at 8 weeks, but I love these groups as every one is breastfeeding so you dont feel uncomfortable at all. The other groups I have been to have all had young babies there. I think newer mums are often keen to go as they (like myself) need to become friends with other mums with kids the same age and these groups meet that need.

This one I was at was at a children's centre so I am not sure if that is surestart. Its not in a poor area. The area is pretty average in terms of UK house prices?

OP posts:

WimpleOfTheBallet · 31/01/2011 17:00

Childrens centres are usually Surestart Kitten...which means you're meant to live in the area...or you're using rescources meant for others.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 31/01/2011 17:01

It's fine to go t toddler groups or baby groups in any area bt the Surestart Children Centres are meant for those lving in that area.

springbokdoc · 31/01/2011 17:04

Thanks for those who answered - I was worried about going as I thought they were for older ones. Might try a few!

compo · 31/01/2011 17:11

Breastfeeding groups ?
do they have an alternative bottle feeding group?

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 17:29

compo - I think they are organised by LaLeche, or health centres - so people who are new to breast feeding can get help and support with it, as well as meeting other mums I'm not sure since I FF myself.

Barbeasty · 31/01/2011 18:25

Sure start depends on where you are. We are encouraged to use any of the ones around here, which makes more sense because I would have to drive past 2 to get to our "assigned" one, but there is only 1 session a week that isn't "by invitation" for specific types of people.

Firawla · 31/01/2011 19:12

Next time you go just ask the organisers whether its okay or if its catchment only (i would have thought if it is restricted then would be written on the timetable though as some are) but if it is very far away from you then how come you can't use ones in your own area or do you not have any surestarts near your own area? as far as i know its fine to go to any of them within your borough normally, other than when they have some restrictions written on it.

Memoo · 31/01/2011 19:24

If it is a surestart one yabu

RobynLou · 31/01/2011 19:27

JamieLeeCurtis is right compo - they're groups to support and advise people in how to breast feed, help them get over the carious hurdles there are, don't think there's a need for something like that for FF.

NotQuiteCockney · 31/01/2011 19:29

I've known at least one FF mother (who iirc had tried to BF but it hadn't worked out) who got used to attending a pretty sociable BF group, and just kept going.

Greeninkmama · 31/01/2011 19:31

I am sure it is fine to go to any breastfeeding group. I used to help run one and we were delighted to welcome everyone. We also regularly recommended other breastfeeding groups in the area. You don't really know what she was thinking, of course - she might have just been staring into space.

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 31/01/2011 19:37

@ people needing a support group for bottle feeding.

Op some childrens centres will 'enforce' only local users buts that if it's a very popular group normally.

BTW don't feel you can't ho to the bf groups cause you've been doing it longer, it's important to have people who are further along to help support and answer questions for the newer mums. A group leader can say it gets better but yo here it from someone who has just been through means do much more.

Original poster

kitten30 · 31/01/2011 20:42

yes even if it was sure start, which I am not sure was, they were glad of the numbers and asked me to go the following week. It is also in my borough.

OP posts:

Memoo · 31/01/2011 20:56

Why wouldn't a bottle feeder need a bit of support? Some of us have gone to hell and back trying to reconcile their feelings of guilt over not managing to breast feed. In fact their guilt and feelings of failure might be so bad that it leads them to become depressed. Nobody is allowed to give us advice on how to make up formula so we might be struggling with that. And then there is worrying that baby isn't taking much or is feeding all night or is sick after each feed. I could go on and on but I there are many reasons why mums who ff might need a little support.

Booandpops · 31/01/2011 21:05

I used a village one 15 mins away as local one wasnt open, it was really well run and offered loads more activities so I carried on, no one seemed to mind but I can imagine some might get arsey at some point! some peeps can be so pathetic, id ignore it unless an organiser actually pulls you up on it.

Backinthebox · 31/01/2011 21:14

I run our village one and we are always trying to get as many people as possible to come along as it helps with funding. It is a volunteer run group though, and we all muck in to set up and tidy away. We have been known to reserve dirty looks for people who turn up just after we have set up and 'have' to leave just before tidy up time. Every week. We do encourage everyone to be as involved as possible, and I've made lots of lovely friends there.

Firawla · 31/01/2011 21:17

if the organisers said they are glad of the numbers and encouraged you to come back then just ignore this lady!! her opinion has no importance if they have already told you that

Scout19075 · 31/01/2011 21:41

I asked at my Children's Center last week if I could go to a CC in a neighboring county (I live on the border of three) and the woman at the CC said yes, the only difference is they cannot send support workers out to me in my county (but might be able to get in touch with my county if needed).

Also, the breast feeding group I used to go to also supported women who were struggling with the inability to breast feed and, in the case of me, had to give it up a bit earlier than I originally planned because of a health condition that requires medicine that would have harmed BabyScout. I haven't breast fed in months but still pop in to chat with the volunteers and to coo over the younger babies.

porcamiseria · 31/01/2011 21:53

ah kitten, I well remeber being in your shoes. what a mean bitch. whilst people dont travel hours, I deffo know people that go to adjacant boroughs. just try them all, ignore that bitch

MilkNoSugarPlease · 31/01/2011 22:06

I wouldn't worry about it, some of them are BEYOND cliquey!

I was asked to leve a stay and play once s I'm a nanny not a parent...

Others, people have been really nice and chatty...then find out I'm "The nanny" nd refuse to talk to me

Some are good, some are brilliant, some are crap :o

Chalk it up to experience and go somewhere else :)

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 22:13

memoo - isn't the point that can be really hard to establish (that's why I gave up) and that's why bf groups exist. I don't think it's anything against those who FF - I went to plenty of other groups - and it's not to exclude them - they are in the majority anyway. As I said, I bottle fed.

nannynick · 31/01/2011 22:18

It can take a long time to find a group at which you feel happy at. So spend plenty of time going to various groups.

Over the past couple of years I've noticed I'm not the only bloke anymore... not that it changes anything, I'm still ignored by most people, even other men!

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