Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To lack a networking 'gene' or desire?

30 replies

NorhamGardens · 31/01/2011 14:08

In a non-working context are you are networker?

Am I the only mother I know who doesn't network at school and think strategically about friendships? Think about the benefits they may potentially bring, weigh them up etc.

As far as I am concerned friendships evolve naturally and organically or not at all.

DH says that I should 'get in there quickly' when a new Mum joins the school or I will 'miss out', especially if she seems pleasant and interesting. I find that I just can't do this but am seriously wondering if I am alone?

OP posts:

potplant · 31/01/2011 14:13

I'm very crap at this and consequently don't have a very wide circle of friends.

I'm trying to make a bit more of an effort as I think it does affect the amount of after school and party invites my DCs get. Doesn't bother me but I know they get pset about it. Its hard because it doesn't really come naturally to me and I can't really be arsed.

potplant · 31/01/2011 14:14

Upset

mamsnet · 31/01/2011 14:14

Do people really think like that!?

clevercloggs · 31/01/2011 14:17

nope, prefer my own company

couldnt do with all the chit chat at the school gates

LaWeaselMys · 31/01/2011 14:18

I am absolutely shit at this. So no not just you!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/01/2011 14:20

There are so many people who think they're great at networking... it's false and teaches a bad example of how to behave. In reality you can't force things nor manipulate them, better that kids learn how to be a decent person, achieving and attaining things under their own steam.

propercrimbo · 31/01/2011 14:21

I agree... I am shit at this too, also I have become more involved with a group of Mums because DS is at playgroup and the playground politics and bitchiness piss me off so much, it's like dealing with a load of 7 year olds!
So... I stick with my friends I have known for years, some have children, some don't and without sounding callous, they all have their uses! In that some I see with DS some I see without, some both.

Bramshott · 31/01/2011 14:22

I'm with you "friendships evolve naturally and organically or not at all". Although I might be willing to network a bit if there was a swimming pool involved !

donkeyderby · 31/01/2011 14:23

Is it 'networking' and being strategic about friendships, or is it just people reaching out to other people in the hope that they will make friends and their children will too?

While you are viewing them as calculating, could they be misinterpreting you as unfriendly?

jonicomelately · 31/01/2011 14:26

I am also rubbish at this. I actually think it's a virtue When my Mum comes with me to do the pick-up she always comments on how many people smile and say hello to me. I think by not being a social climber, clique seeking type it actually makes you come across as somebody worth getting to know.

WinterLover · 31/01/2011 14:26

I'm like you, im crap at networking. DP thinks I should do it more but I just lack the enthusiasm to do it

Mymblesson · 31/01/2011 14:27

As far as I am concerned friendships evolve naturally and organically or not at all.

Absolutely. You're not being unreasonable to think this way at all. 'Networking' for the sake of it is insane.

thankgod4cbeebies · 31/01/2011 14:28

There's a distinct difference between being friendly and open to making new friendships with other mums/parents, and 'networking'. I like to think of myself as being generally approachable and sociable, and I think this does have benefits for DD in the form of a good social life for her and invites etc. I think it also teaches her that the world is generally a happy place and that (most) people are kind and nice. However, I would hate to think that by being this way I was 'networking'. To me, that implies something contrived and self serving and should be reserved for the work place. (If at all).

NinkyNonker · 31/01/2011 14:29

I've never met anyone who does think like that.

Original poster

NorhamGardens · 31/01/2011 14:29

That's a good point donkeyderby but IME, with my own school pool of people, sadly I don't think I have it wrong.

OP posts:

fluffles · 31/01/2011 14:29

i don't network strategically at all - socially or for work.

but i do like meeting new people and find them interesting, in both work and life, i like to meet people and chat to them.. i don't think about 'what they can do for me' but knowing lots of people and being generally friendly and chatty with everyone brings it's own benefits.

i find it so sad when people say 'i don't need any new friends'

ISNT · 31/01/2011 14:31

It would never occur to me to think what I can get out of people / whether there are opportunities when I talk to them or make friends with them.

I don't do it at work either TBH.

I think that some people are made that way and some aren't. If you don't do this naturally there's no point in trying as it will be obvious what you are up to and come across as false. People who do it naturally - it's just what they're like - they have a different personality type.

ISNT · 31/01/2011 14:31

Why is it sad when people say they don't need any new friends?

LaWeaselMys · 31/01/2011 14:34

I'm about to move house, where I'm going I don't know anyone at all and it will be difficult to visit old friends.

I will be totally gutted, if everyone I speak to at groups etc isn't interested in making any new friends... because how the feck am I supposed to make any if everyone else has filled their quota's?

LaWeaselMys · 31/01/2011 14:35

Sorry re: grammar!

Vallhala · 31/01/2011 14:35

"nope, prefer my own company

couldnt do with all the chit chat at the school gates"

I couldn't agree more, clevercloggs.

daimbardiva · 31/01/2011 14:36

I am really shocked that people even conciously think like this! Maybe we all do it without realising, but my friendships are based with who I get on with, have things in common with and generally enjoy spending time with, and that's it!

I do have to network for work, but I have to say that I find the concept of extending that into my personal life really depressing!!!

chelstonmum · 31/01/2011 14:39

I was the 'new mum' in the playground last autumn, having re-located. I have to say I dodged the 'networkers' as I always feel they have an agenda. We have since made some lovely friends through school/church/work etc and like to think we are friends because of us and not our job, address, car or shoes (as one networking mum assumed we would be best buddies as we both had kurt geiger shoes on......I must have had a meeting that day as my wellies were not in sight!)

Pumpster · 31/01/2011 14:45

I am hopeless at chitchat so have generally made my friends through work, as conversation is easier to me when it's not the main focus, iyswim.

togarama · 31/01/2011 14:48

Nope - YANBU.

I'm willing to network for my job because i'm paid to and it helps me to get my work done well.

My personal time is very valuable to me and I only want to spend it by myself, or with family, or real friends.

I try to be friendly and helpful in general and have many aquaintances but the truth is that I probably only make 1 new friend every 1-2 years. Most of my friends are from school.

I often wonder if others count friends and aquaintances together on the same level?

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread