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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

buying piano-issue with ex

51 replies

SpiritualKnot · 30/01/2011 21:13

Recently divorced. Ex just moved into new house bought with his girlfriend last week.

Ex brought a keyboard to the house last week and set it up for dd. I had said I didn't like keyboards as they remind me of him, he used to be professional musician and owned about 3 of them.

He said I was selfish and he wanted to lend the keyboard so he could take his grand piano, currently in my house, to his new house where he lives with his girlfriend. He suggested I go look at a local piano shop for one. He took the keyboard away as I asked him to.

So I went to piano shop few days ago and chose one. Told him and he shouted at me for being so impatient. Turns out it'll cost him £180 to get the grand moved but if he waits till there's a delivery of another grand in the area, the men will do it for £130 . I told the music shop and they said they'd pay the difference, so he'll still just pay the £130.

The piano I'm interested in is an upright which the shop will deliver, it doesn't need specialist delivery service which the grand does.

He just keeps ranting on now about the crap piano I'm buying (Yamaha £3500, hardly crap) and that he would have been happy to have left the grand at my house for a few more years. Both dd and I play, so a piano of our own which we know won't be taken away seems quite important to us,

Was I unreasonable to get the impression that he wanted to have the grand asap? If I wasn't being unreasonable, what the hell's wrong with him? Confused

OP posts:
CarGirl · 30/01/2011 21:15

He's an arse that's all.

blackeyedsusan · 30/01/2011 21:16

I think he wanted the piano straight away, until he found out the price! which piano you buy is no longer his business.

MmeLindt · 30/01/2011 21:17

Yup. He is an arse.

Ignore him. And be thankful that he is no longer your arse.

bubblewrapped · 30/01/2011 21:18

I just read a book that was almost identical to this thread. How bizarre.

pleasechange · 30/01/2011 21:18

So did you and your ex share the piano before you split? You say you play the piano, so I'm just trying to understand the background of whether you had one that you used or not.

I can understand why you want a piano of your own if both you and DD play, and there's a chance that your ex will remove his at some point. If you play, and you're happy with what you've chosen, then stuff his opinions about whether it's good enough or not

Plumm · 30/01/2011 21:19

He's an arse. Tell him you want his piano out of your house so you can move your own lovely new piano in.

MissMarjoribanks · 30/01/2011 21:20

Well, in the scheme of things, Yamahas are crap pianos. Better off getting a good English one second hand.

Original poster
SpiritualKnot · 30/01/2011 21:22

Bubblewrap, what was the book? I'd love to read it, sounds like a good present for him too!

Allnew, we shared the piano, but he bought and it was always his. We met over a piano, our wedding cake was shaped as a grand piano!

Think he is an arse too. Think the cost ofmoving it was more than he thought.

OP posts:
GMajor7 · 30/01/2011 21:24

Yamahas are not crap. Your DD is VERY lucky to have had 3 and a half grand spent on her. Very lucky indeed.

Original poster
SpiritualKnot · 30/01/2011 21:25

MissM, Yamaha pianos are now made in Milton Keynes so they are a bit british!

OP posts:
tomhardyismydh · 30/01/2011 21:29

I think you are both possible a little controling and will be at logger heads like this for a while, its quite normal untill you establish your own lives after a divorce. you just need to give and take a bit. ie if dd wants the keyboard go with it, what harm can it cause other than feelings that you will one day learn to bury. as for the piano his problem, just do what you decide is right and either tell him to but out and get piano collected when you need it to go or smile sweetly and ignore it. dont battle with each other just not worth it.

NonnoMum · 30/01/2011 21:32

Agree with tomhardy

bubblewrapped · 30/01/2011 21:38

www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/reviews/the-other-family-by-joanna-trollope-1903799.html

that was the book.. not identical, but very similar regarding custody of a piano.. lol..

Oh, and Yamaha are very good quality upright pianos.

Original poster
SpiritualKnot · 30/01/2011 21:39

Hi Tomhardy. Dd wanted the grand and didn't want the keyboard. She's been upset quite a bit as she understood the grand was his and he would take it away some time. Hopefully this will be one that she knows won't be taken away.

I had the same piano for 25 years,met him and he sold it within the year. We've had about 7 pianos during our 20 years of marriage. He tends to see them as things to buy and then sell on, whereas I see them as things to keep. He did the same with cars. But that's an aside.

OP posts:
Vallhala · 30/01/2011 21:40

Damn him, given that both you and your daughter play why not lock the doors and keep the grand. Wink

bubblewrapped · 30/01/2011 21:42

My dad bought an upright piano for me and him when I was 2. After he died, I told my mum that she couldnt sell it.. and after she died a couple of years ago, and we cleared the house it was moved down from Manchester to London. I will never part with it, and hopefully it will be passed on further down the family.

Original poster
SpiritualKnot · 30/01/2011 21:43

Like your thinking Valhalla!.

However, the piano was the only item mentioned in our court order that he was to keep possession of!

OP posts:
BelleBelicious · 30/01/2011 21:44

I don't think you sound controlling at all. I think your ex sounds like an arse. If he was at all bothered as to the type of piano your DD plays, he could have bought her one as a replacement for the Grand, but strangely he chose not to.

He now has forfeited the right to comment on your choice.

Tell him to fuck off and mind his own business and piano. Grin Go on, do it. You'll feel better for it.

Original poster
SpiritualKnot · 30/01/2011 21:46

Thanks for the link Bubble, interesting. Yes my original piano was in the family for many years as well, belonged to my Grandma and the my mother. I started lessons at age 6 or 7 and it became my piano.

OP posts:
BelleBelicious · 30/01/2011 21:46

bubblewrapped. That made me sad and happy at the same time. Hope you're doing your scales.

pleasechange · 30/01/2011 21:48

"I had the same piano for 25 years,met him and he sold it within the year" - did alarm bells ring at this point, or were you ok with that? In retrospect it appears like he sold something of yours with sentimental value, bought his own piano, and then is derising you for buying a cheaper one?

MissMarjoribanks · 30/01/2011 21:48

I stand corrected Blush. When we were in the market for a piano, I was told to avoid Yamahas at all costs as they were crap. I was told this by more than one person, all of whom had musical credentials which were very trustworthy as well.... Confused Perhaps that was in our price range (£1.5 - 2k) rather than at £3.5k.

Anyway, despite not being a Yamaha, our piano is lovely, so no harm done.

Original poster
SpiritualKnot · 30/01/2011 21:48

Belle, he did acquire a piano for free which he said dd could have. He's sold it since.

He said it was good but when I asked him why he didn't stick with it then, he refered to it as being too shit for that.

Charming!

OP posts:
pleasechange · 30/01/2011 21:48

OP why did you let him sell your piano??

tomhardyismydh · 30/01/2011 21:49

I think its great you are in the position to get your dd a new piano.

it must be quite hard for her to be involved in the split etc. I found it impossible to talk to look at my ex for a while as he was still involved so much in my life he would come to my house and offer push his help and opinion to do this for me and that for me, and I realised he was still trying to control things in my life, which made it far more difficult to move on. then I realised it was affecting my dd so much so after some time I can finaly look at him and have a conversation with him and decline his help input and advice and have no feelings what so ever, i dont hate him or like him, hes just my dds father and situations like the piano for you becomes an non issue as you dont need to await his input or even toleraste what he thinks.

I agree lock the doors and keep the grand.