I know I am not unreasonable about this

[llareggub]

I am at home, it is Sunday, and I am pottering about mning cleaning and tidying. DH announces that he is off to IKEA for a few bits and that he will take our two pre-schoolers, one of whom is 4 and pretty reliable, and the other can be put in trolley. So, not arduous.

MIL rings. We chat about plans for next week and I mention that DH has taken the boys to IKEA. She tells me that I am lucky that DH is willing to take the two boys out together.

I am stunned, and ask her why I am lucky that my husband is willing and able to take his own children out. She laughs and repeats again that I am lucky. I tell her that I think he has the better end of the bargain as I am cleaning and doing stuff that he would never think of in a million years.

So, I am cross. I am hoovering and getting more and more ranty by the minute and need to off-load. So don't tell me I am being unreasonable because I AM NOT.

It is down to me as DH was raised by his Mama in a stepford wife traditional household. By default,if I were the type of woman who got her self esteem from "looking after" my man, he would happily let me. He is not daft, who would turn down their own personal servant? I, on the other hand was raised by a disabled working lone parent who was a victim of DV.I learned better early on.

I have never been in a relationship where I was disrespected. I COULD not be in a relationship where I was expected to subjugate myself in order to please a man.If DH has shown the slightest inclination towards expecting me to replace his Mama, he would have been binned long ago. FYI my mother remarried and their household is now exactly the same as ours, 50/50. It's never too late to change.

I disagree that he has the better end of the bargain....IKEA? That's hell on earth.

You are and you're not. My gran often tells me in a wistful way how lucky I am that DP will occassionally cook a lovely sunday dinner, take DD out for the whole day, would give her a bottle and change nappies without too much fuss etc.

But then I am lucky compared to my gran. My grandpa did sod all to help even though they both worked full time when they had young children to take care of.

Sounds like your MIL has oldfashioned ideas about what a father does OP, don't sound like she was being nasty- different expectations that's all. My MIL proudly told me on several occasions that FIL "helped out alot" with DP and his sister when they were little. Yes he read them stories at bedtime for 20 minutes most evenings and took them to the park on a sunday afternoon for an hour.

I would add that there's almost certainly an element of pride for her son there when she tells you you're lucky.

My SIL's often say I'm lucky to have married their brother- I wait to hear that he's lucky too but no joy! I know they think the world of me though and that they're just proud of him.

I hadn't thought that she might be proud of him, actually. That is a very good point.

agree with RIZZ0 - she's probably daft proud of her son for being more involved than her DH probably was. Bit jealous retospectively, maybe. It would have been easy to take it as a dig, but I bet it wasn't meant to be.

Can't believe I'm defending a MIL in an AIBU, this is a fucking first.

Proud would have been the first thing that crossed me mind

I get astonished comments from (late teens, early twenties) female colleagues about my DP doing all the cooking. My Mum doesn't cook either - both my father and stepfather did all the cooking. My MIL on the other hand appears bewildered at my lack of cooking...