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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a bit of boredom isn't a bad thing?

84 replies

Kendodd · 29/01/2011 20:09

Talking to other parents and child carers it seems to be a very bad thing, they have to be stimulated all the time or they're not learning. Why should we constantly entertain our children? If they are bored they are forced to use their imagination, be resourceful, find something to do. And if they can't do that, then tough, I'm bored sometimes, it's not the end of the world and I'm a parent not a red coat.

I know I won't win any mother of the year competitions but I'm not planing on entering any, flame me.

OP posts:
McHobbes · 29/01/2011 20:47

Bollocks!!

Original poster
Kendodd · 29/01/2011 20:50

I think the mental health problems must have come first (not that I know anything about it of course) they live in the same world as the rest of us, why are they so bored? Are they kept imprisoned?

OP posts:
woollyideas · 29/01/2011 20:51

So boredom leads to anorexia, drugs and suicide Bonsoir?

Well I can't help thinking that's utter ballcocks. We're not talking about leaving kids totally unstimulated so their brains atrophy; we're talking about not entertaining them all the time.

I'm a big fan of boredom. In my experience it can lead to teenagers doing all sorts of things - chatting to their parents/siblings, reading a book, taking themselves off round a friend's house... Finding a way to amuse themselves basically, rather than sitting around whining...

valiumredhead · 29/01/2011 20:51

How many teens do you know with serious mental health issues bonsoir?

Bonsoir · 29/01/2011 20:53

Well you obviously don't want to believe it! But since I have several examples close to me (including my DSS2, who suffered badly from boredom-induced depression in his final year of primary school) and it is a subject we have spent many hours discussing with other families, I feel perfectly qualified to voice an opinion on the seriously damaging effects of boredom.

Original poster
Kendodd · 29/01/2011 20:53

Are you sure you're not confusing this with loneliness?

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 29/01/2011 20:55

Well no, why would I? I'm not talking about something I have noticed, I am talking about clinical diagnoses (years in psychiatric hospital, in some cases) that I know of.

woollyideas · 29/01/2011 20:57

What? And the clinical diagnosis was 'boredom-induced' mental illness?

GrendelsMum · 29/01/2011 20:57

Is it a different form of boredom that Bonsoir is raising? It seems to me that the boredom from being in a primary school day in day out that doesn't meet your learning needs is maybe quite different from the boredom of having an afternoon where you need to amuse yourself with your own toys, books and siblings.

Bonsoir · 29/01/2011 20:58

Yes, basically. And the treatment is, ultimately (once DCs are over the worst), a much more stimulating environment and a lot more freedom to explore.

Original poster
Kendodd · 29/01/2011 20:59

Well, what'd you know, turns out I was wrong, boredom leads to mental illness, or is it that boredom is a mental illness?

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 29/01/2011 20:59

well I refuse to spend every waking hour stumulating my 3 - and I don;t make their every moment educational either

today dd3 spent an hour making 'cup of tea' for her babies while DD's 2 and 1 cleaned out the guinea pigs and played out with their mates

I doubt they will be scarred for life :)

GoldFrakkincenseAndMyrrh · 29/01/2011 20:59

Time to be bored and freedom to fill that time, yes.

Bored because they're in a stifling environment or have no interests, no.

I think there's healthy boredom which other people call unstructured playtime where children don't have an adult available but do have toys and unhealthy boredom where children have literally nothing to do and can't fill that time.

As a childcarer I had a set 'boredom time' for a 7yo who couldn't amuse himself because I dont think that if you can't do that you will have problems later (and his mother was incredibly frustrated by his constant need for attention). What it basically translated to was he could have any toys he wanted, no tv or computer and he had to play by himself - although I was available to reach things down and was generally around. So no, I don't think parents or childcarers are opposed.

McHobbes · 29/01/2011 21:00

Ok then. Smile

valiumredhead · 29/01/2011 21:00

Being bored gives you the opportunity to explore Wink

The OP is talking about the ability to entertain your self and not expect your parents to be children's entertainers all day every day ( I think!)

HelenBa · 29/01/2011 21:01

I guess there are different types of boredom - I think it's extremely good for people (children and adults) to be bored in the sense that they have some time on their own where they need to think of things to do for themselves. Whereas the obviously bad type of boredom would be being stuck in a stituation where there is constant non-stimulating activity such as tv on all the time or being in a class which is well below your ability.

HelenBa · 29/01/2011 21:03

x-post (I type too slowly!)

gordyslovesheep · 29/01/2011 21:04

I would also argu that parents who fill their childs every waking hour with 'educational activities' etc don;t have wonderfully happy unpressured children

I think people are talking about a bit of dull time to fill here Bonsoir not total sensory depravation :)

Chil1234 · 29/01/2011 21:04

"If most of you agree why am I ridiculed for saying this at playgroup?"

Because some parents play this silly one upmanship game and are reluctant to admit that they do anything that is not in the expert baby-rearing manuals. The same people will no doubt assure you that they let their children watch no more than 1/2 hour of TV a day & feed them exclusively wholesome food. HA HA HA HA HA :)

Bonsoir · 29/01/2011 21:05

I don't think that "free time" = boredom. Free time is just that - time where you are free to do what you like. Parents' role there is to ensure children have enough opportunities to put that time to good use.

Original poster
Kendodd · 29/01/2011 21:06

You know Bonsoir, I think you could have a point. Looking back, as a teenager I had depression from boredom, but, this was because I was not allowed to lead a normal life. I was never allowed to go out, be with friends, do normal things, given the 'freedom' you describe. Boredom was imposed on me by my parents and it was my home life that led to my depression, not the ordinary boredom of everyday life.

BTW I ran away from home at 15 and have lived happily ever after.

OP posts:
manicbmc · 29/01/2011 21:08

Um but maybe if those teenagers had learned to handle boredom while they were younger then they wouldn't be like that now?

There's a rather cavernous difference between allowing kids a bit of 'bored' time and not bothering to interact with them at all.

Chil1234 · 29/01/2011 21:10

Author of the classic 'Weirdstone of Brinsingamen' Alan Garner was confined to his bed for long, long periods of time as a child because of illness. All he could do, apparently, was look at the ceiling. No toys, no books, no external input of any kind. Rather than this leading to depression, he created marvellous stories to keep himself entertained.

wintersniffle · 29/01/2011 21:11

I would have thought that the people who really struggle with being bored are the ones who don't learn how to entertain themselves as children.

Bonsoir · 29/01/2011 21:12

Even if you have acquired the skill in childhood, "handling boredom" is not a skill that you will be able to apply in all circumstances as a teen or an adult. If your circumstances/environment become severely reduced versus your brain/body/development, you may just wither/escape into drugs/try to control yourself with anorexia etc. Humans do not have an endless ability to entertain themselves, however well trained.