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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DD have half a day off for a blood test?

53 replies

oopslateagain · 28/01/2011 11:53

DD is 13 and has a heart condition which means she has been poked, prodded and generally messed about with by doctors all her life.

We had a disastrous scan at GOSH where the doc hit an artery instead of a vein and blood went everywhere, it really hurt too. DD is now saying she hates needles. Sad

I took her to the doctor yesterday, I think she might be anaemic, and he agrees and has booked DD in for a blood test next week, it's at 9:00am. DD is really not happy about it, but will be good and will go and have it done, she's resigned to just letting the docs have their way when things need doing. Sad But she's said several times she wishes she doesn't have to have the blood test.

I told her we will go and buy some cakes and have a nice morning at home, and we'll tell the school she felt woozy after the needle, she can go in halfway through the day. That made her much happier, though she's still a bit scared.

But I mentioned it to my friend and she is shocked that I would let DD miss 3 school lessons when she could actually be there 15 minutes after school starts.

AIBU to try and cheer DD up with a 'bribe' of a nice morning at home? She really doesn't miss any school usually, I don't think it will matter but my friend thinks I'm setting a dangerous example and that DD will 'try it on' in the future.

OP posts:
mutznutz · 28/01/2011 11:57

Well your friends could be right...but on the other hand they could be wrong.

You know your own child so who cares if anyone thinks you're being unreasonable?

LindyHemming · 28/01/2011 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flojo1979 · 28/01/2011 11:58

YANBU
U know your daughter better than anyone, you'll know whether she is the type of kid that will 'try it on' and so what if she does try it on, sounds to me like shes been through the mill and deserves a lil treat. Even if it turned in to a 'try it on' once every few months kinda treat i dont suppose it'll do her any harm. (Having said this, mine havent had a day off in yrs!)

onehotmomma · 28/01/2011 11:58

I would personally let her but thats jmo and only if her school attendance is good.

I can see what your friend is saying though. I would make it absolutely clear that it's a one off because if she is anaemic she may need more blood tests done in the future so may expect the same treatment

PatriciaHolm · 28/01/2011 11:59

Heavens, I would do the same, poor girl. DS (4) had to have a bunch of tests before Christmas and it really wasn't very nice at all. Hopefully if this one goes well she'll be happier about the next one.

sandyballs · 28/01/2011 12:00

Definitely do it. Whenever my DDs have a rare doc or hospital appt we always go to Starbucks or Cafe Nero afterwards, they love it and I love having a bit of 1-1 with them which is rare. It's never caused any problems.

HettyAmaretti · 28/01/2011 12:02

You know her best, bugger what anyone else thinks. Presumably she's going to have to face many more needles in her life and IME anything you can do to reduced her (understandable) fear and stress at the idea is A Good Thing.

YANBU

GoldFrakkincenseAndMyrrh · 28/01/2011 12:03

YANBU. She might be feeling terrible so better to take the half day in case Wink and warn the school, unless she's going to miss something vital/that she really enjoys.

If she's scared then she's scared and it'll be 10x worse than a quick test so she'll need the time.

waitwhat · 28/01/2011 12:06

yanbu having to go though endless tests as a child is really crappy. If a nice cake makes her happier about it then why not!

Original poster
oopslateagain · 28/01/2011 12:06

GoldFrak what do you mean it'll be worse than a quick test? Is it a different kind of test for anaemia? I thought they'd just take some blood.

Please don't say it's something horrible... Sad

OP posts:
COCKadoodledooo · 28/01/2011 12:07

I wouldn't lie to the school ("We'll tell them she's feeling woozy"), I'd just tell them that's what's happening. But other than that, YANBU.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 28/01/2011 12:08

Tell your friend when she wants to be poked, prodded, messed about with and have the experience DD did last time you'll be happy to take her for cake as well :)

Stupid thing to say 'she'll try it on'. Trying it on is saying you feel sick when you just don't want to go to school. It is not 'trying it on' when you have been through what she's been through and you just want to be 'normal' and for it to stop.

I think your friend has been spectacularly insensitive.

WincyEtNightie · 28/01/2011 12:08

YANBU about the time off.

I think you probably made mistake in telling your DD that you planned to lie to the school about it.

Your friend should butt out.

Meglet · 28/01/2011 12:08

yanbu. I don't think there is any harm in having some quiet time afterwards to eat cake.

Deliaskis · 28/01/2011 12:09

YANBU, it's a pretty special case, it's not like having a day off because she just 'doesn't feel well'. Health is more than just the body, it will do her the world of good to have an hour or two to get over the trauma before going back in, as long as she does her best to get caught up I think you are doing the right thing. Plus she might genuinely be feeling woozy after the needle anyway.

PS this is entirely different circumstances IMO to the other post about the friend whose kid has been off for days but going to clubs and social activities the whole time.

D

WincyEtNightie · 28/01/2011 12:10

I think Goldfrak meant that if DD was wound up about it, it would be worse. And I agree.

bumpybecky · 28/01/2011 12:10

I've been tested for anaemia several times (I'm pale and interesting!) and it's only ever been a blood test :)

Will they still give EMLA cream for teenagers? otherwise rescue remedy maybe. Poor thing :( YANBU to take her for a treat afterwards. Hope it's not as stressful as you're expecting

atah · 28/01/2011 12:11

YANBU i have done exactly the same with my DS in very similar circumstances.

your friend is obviously lucky to have never been in yours or your DD's situation. Do what works for you and trust your instincts.

SummerRain · 28/01/2011 12:15

dd always gets to come to a coffee shop and have cake or ice cream with me after a hospital appointment. She sees hospital visits as fun days out now instead of worrying about what's going to be done to her so it's worth the missed school imo.

cumfy · 28/01/2011 12:17

Sorry to hear about your DD's bad experience at GOSH. Hope that DD can get some positive experiences "under her belt", to counteract that. Do you think the anaemia is related to that incident ?

Possibly your firend didn't know the details and was a bit Shock at the
we'll tell the school you felt woozy after the needle.

Some people just don't "do" lying.

Original poster
oopslateagain · 28/01/2011 12:18

Just a blood test. Good. [relieved emoticon] Grin

Agree that it was silly telling DD we'll lie to the school, I just said it without thinking. It does make it sound like I think lying to school is OK, I'll speak to DD tonight and say we'll just tell school it's a blood test and she'll be in later if she feels all right.

I did feel a bit guilty about Dd missing school unnecessarily, but now I will go and have a guilt-free, lovely tea-and-cream-cake-filled morning with her.

I hope. Knowing my luck she'll faint or something.

...or I will Blush

OP posts:
duchesse · 28/01/2011 12:28

I'd play it by ear and see what she says after the test. Tell her beforehand that she doesn't have to go if she doesn't feel up to it, but if she wants of course she can. I would at this stage of her life mention (with GCSE looming) this is not going to become a habit for every medical intervention- if she has to see doctors/have tests frequently it could be very detrimental if she habitually took 1/2 days off.

Your friend clearly does not have the same level of dialogue with her child(ren) as you imo, or her children are really unhappy at their schools. Mine would have to be virtually at death's door to miss school. It's actually a problem sometimes when they insist that they're fine to go and then have to be picked up later.

Punkatheart · 28/01/2011 12:35

Poor little thing - of course you are not being unreasonable.

On another point - a doctor should not be making such a mistake as to hit an artery! There should have been a complaint made - that is simply incompetence.

As a veteran of blood tests and medical tests/scans in general - I can understand her feelings.

I know it is not generally the form to send hugs to other people's children but I would like you to give her an extra hug. Form be damned. Hope you sort the possible anaemia - I have that too and it does feel awful: legs feel heavy and you just want to lollop around doing nothing....

Lovely to spoil her - hope you both have a lovely morning...I was a sickly child and I will not forget my mother's love and attention during that time. We are still very close now - it does form an even stronger bond - or did in our case....

mumbar · 28/01/2011 12:37

I would personally ask your friend if her dc had a heart condition would she do the same?

YANBU, blood tests at that age are not fun IME. The first few times I had them (monthly) at 11yo I had a day off, morning off, up til break off and then ent straight in. And guess what? My education didn't suffer.

FWIW DS (6) is going back to hospital about allergies in 2 weeks and I've booked the morning off.

KnittedBreast · 28/01/2011 12:39

if i had to take my child for a blood test i wouldnt take them to school afterwards