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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you child if off school due to illness they shouldn't be out socialising?

52 replies

FranSanDisco · 28/01/2011 09:55

Dd (10 yo) has a school friend who has lots of time off school due to illness. I have sympathised with her mum over the years about this and we have discussed other issues that may be at play but all have been dismissed and mum just think she's prone to illness.

The friend walks to school with myself and the dcs so I et a text if she's not coming in. This week she has been off on Monday, in Tuesday for class photo and then went to office and went home. She was then off for 2 days and back in today (class jolly to museum planned).

The problem I have with sympathising with all this is that the child managed to attend all her extra curricular activities this week e.g Cubs, Drama, Dance and has even been to the cinema on one of her 'sick' days.

So, if you are 'sick' is that only applicable to school hours and I should 'wind me neck in'.

OP posts:

fedupwithdeployment · 28/01/2011 10:41

Does the school take an interest? If she is off that regularly, surely they would be speaking to parents?

mommmmyof2 · 28/01/2011 10:42

altinkum I am sorry to hear that, I hope you all have many happy times together. :)

And yes I don't make dd stay up in her room, she does come and have her tv on and rests on the sofa, if she wants to.

fluffygal · 28/01/2011 10:50

Well last time my son (5) was off school I took him to the park. He had pooed himself and was sent home from school with the runs (apparantly, although he didn't once have an episode at home). He then had to be off for 48 hours (school rules). There was nothing wrong with him! I wasn't staying indoors with 5 under 6's for 2 and a half days when my son showed no sign of being ill.

Original poster

FranSanDisco · 28/01/2011 10:56

Fedupwithdeployment, I don't know if the school has been in touch. However, there is a parent's consultation day just before half term where lateness/absence is raised. We are all getting our 5 minute appointment slot letters/times next week and this mum has said to me she isn't going to arrange an appointment as her toddler will play up .

OP posts:

alfiesmadmother · 28/01/2011 10:56

i THINK YOU ARE UNREASONABLE. Children have to stay off school for 48 hours from their last bout of sick/diahorrea, sometimes a child is running and skipping but the parent is not wanting to spread the bug. Also some children have urine infections or contagious conditions that can not be seen and so need to be kept of school.
You are being very judgemental.

Original poster

FranSanDisco · 28/01/2011 10:58

Alfiesmadmother - she hasn't had sickness and diarhorrea though.

OP posts:

alfiesmadmother · 28/01/2011 11:10

I am responding to the view that goes along the lines ofIf you child if off school due to illness they shouldn't be out '.

It is cruel to tie a child to bed for 48 hoiurs even though they are well

tomhardyismydh · 28/01/2011 11:15

I think it depends what is wrong with the child as some conditions illness may warent time off school but not confined to the house.

maybe this girl is having menstrual problems or other personal health issues that may interupt her school day but not social activities if she is supported by her parents.

manicbmc · 28/01/2011 11:32

So they have to be off school with d and v for 48 hours to avoid spreading it but it's fine to spread it amongst the general public?

If a child does have actual d and v and not just a tummy ache then they should be at home for 48 hours after the last episode imo. Even if they are bouncing off the walls.

octopusinabox · 28/01/2011 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 28/01/2011 11:35

Well said Manic.

manicbmc · 28/01/2011 11:37

Yes, but you can tell the difference between a one off up chuck and pooh and sick spuing from every orifice surely?

I don't mean one offs, I mean proper d and v.

Original poster

FranSanDisco · 28/01/2011 11:48

Alfiesmadmother, please read the OP before you shout YABU and go off on a totally different subject. There was no d&v bug and if there was why is not spreading it around the class any different to spreading it around cubs, drama classes etc. I didn't say she should be tied up either . Never mind, I guess I'm talking to myself cos you won't read this one properly either.

OP posts:

alfiesmadmother · 28/01/2011 12:03

tied up

I still think you are being unreasonable and judgemental on the girl and the Mother. Maybe it is something private, and she onlt discloses it to people who won't stick their neck out.

Original poster

FranSanDisco · 28/01/2011 12:06

Alfiesmadmum - you are aren't you .

OP posts:

alfiesmadmother · 28/01/2011 12:14

Ok if we are talking about your specific case you are being unreasonable judging the child and Mother and it is absolutely nothing to do with you. Have you thought she might have an emotional issue, is being bullied and they have chosen to keep the details from you. Maybe the clubs help her?

blackeyedsusan · 28/01/2011 12:25

dd is off school, happy and "well". we went shopping after seeing the dr this morning s we have run out of bread (because she has been off 3 days and on a toast diet) If it wasn't for the fact tht she has actully been sick you wouldn't believe that she is ill. Wouldn't dream of sending her anywhere where she my infect other children though.

Altinkum Glad your niece is doing loads of lovely things. sorry for the reason why

Original poster

FranSanDisco · 28/01/2011 12:42

Of course I have considered these things alfiesmadmum. Her mum is very open with me -we are friends through the children. They have lots of sleepovers and we do favours for each other (hence taking her dd to school). We have different parenting styles though - her dd is off school at the drop of a hat and mine aren't. She probably judges me as well - she told me I was 'mean' sending dd to school with a cold for instance. Anyway thanks for everyones input - I will still judge her though .

OP posts:

McHobbes · 28/01/2011 12:47

It's none of your business is it?

ThePosieParker · 28/01/2011 13:30

My mother was mean when I stayed home, I'm not. We don't do amazing treats or play more xbox than normally allowed, but we do have cuddles, hot ribena, comic etc.

lazylula · 28/01/2011 13:30

Slightly off topic but ds1 had sickness this week (Monday evening, last bout of sickness at about 10.30pm). Phoned the school Tues and explained he would not be in and why, plus saying he wouldn't be in Wed either due to 48 hr rule and was told oh no it is 24 hrs? As it happens ds1 developed a temp at tea time and so I did keep him off on Wed as well. I do not insist on a stay in bed rule but we did stay in and some of the time was spent resting on the sofa, but also when he felt up to it he was allowed to play and do some painting. I would not allow him to go to his swimming lesson or any other club or activity outside of the home.

crisptart · 28/01/2011 13:34

YANBU, if children off school with illness here only things you're allowed to do is lie in bed and get better, or if up to it read books or watch a bit of tv.
If you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to play out/go to Beavers/play football or whatever.

Serendippy · 28/01/2011 13:38

YANBU. Imagine if you called in sick to work one morning, called back in the afternoon sayong you were too sick to come in tomorrow as well, and then bumped into your boss rolling out of a pub pissed.

xstitch · 28/01/2011 13:46

There is a whole middle ground between making them stay in bed and sending them to parties, clubs etc. Sending a child in the 48hr post D&V period to mix with lots of people completely defeats the purpose of the 48hr rule.

The only outings that should be done when off school sick is to any relevant medical appointments and perhaps if not infectious to buy some food essentials and/or medication on the way home.

MoaningMedalllist · 28/01/2011 13:52

I agree with you, you're either Ill or not

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