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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you child if off school due to illness they shouldn't be out socialising?

52 replies

FranSanDisco · 28/01/2011 09:55

Dd (10 yo) has a school friend who has lots of time off school due to illness. I have sympathised with her mum over the years about this and we have discussed other issues that may be at play but all have been dismissed and mum just think she's prone to illness.

The friend walks to school with myself and the dcs so I et a text if she's not coming in. This week she has been off on Monday, in Tuesday for class photo and then went to office and went home. She was then off for 2 days and back in today (class jolly to museum planned).

The problem I have with sympathising with all this is that the child managed to attend all her extra curricular activities this week e.g Cubs, Drama, Dance and has even been to the cinema on one of her 'sick' days.

So, if you are 'sick' is that only applicable to school hours and I should 'wind me neck in'. Grin

OP posts:
mutznutz · 28/01/2011 09:58

You should probably wind your neck in but I totally agree with you.

Some parents are a mystery in the way they view education and how little value they give it.

wannaBe · 28/01/2011 09:59

nope. If you are sick in this house then you stay in bed and may read or listen to an audio book.

Perhaps if you feel better later you might be allowed up to watch tv.

Being off sick is not supposed to be a fantastic experience - I learned early on that allowing ds to lay in my bed and watch tv while ill meant he was less likely to want to go back to school the next day.

so - yep. If you're too ill to go to school then you're too ill to do other things...

Hammy02 · 28/01/2011 09:59

I would say it would be the same as if an adult was off work due to illness, they shouldn't be going to the cinema, dancing etc. It doesn't set the child a very good example for later life does it?

CrapBag · 28/01/2011 09:59

YANBU but what can you do? Poor girl is missing out on her education because of her stupid mother. Sad

manicbmc · 28/01/2011 10:00

As I type, my dd is sitting here being 'ill'. She has a party tonight and if she wants to go she better get her bum moving and get to school!

The school will have caught on to her attending 'when it suits' and she'll end up with the education welfare on her back.

Bogeyface · 28/01/2011 10:01

Is her "illness" more for her mothers benefit than hers I wonder? If she was genuinely ill then she wouldnt be back for photos or a school trip.

nipplesofthenorth · 28/01/2011 10:01

YANBU

The rule when I was growing up is the same one we use for our DS's - if you don't go to school you don't play/do anything 'special'. Too sick for school = too sick for anything else. If they seem unwell in the morning but then magically perk up they get taken into school later in the day too. (I'm a mean mother!)

My friends' DS who is 12 is always begging off school for sickies but then she let him go to various activities etc, drives me mad as I think he starting to take advantage of this.

ThePosieParker · 28/01/2011 10:02

I agree.although dd misses nursery when not too unwell and we do other things because there's a child in nursery with a compromised immune system.

DooinMeCleanin · 28/01/2011 10:03

If you are too sick for school you are too sick to leave the house. That's the rules here. And you must act sick. If you start bouncing all over my furniture you will be presumed to be recovered and you will be taken into school.

I am an evil mummy.

I don't know what you could say to your friend though, without causing a massive argument, people can get very defensive over their parenting skills.

KnittedBreast · 28/01/2011 10:05

i agree that if child is off sick they shouldnt be doing any activities either. But i really dont think its your place to bring this up with her or her mother

BarbarianMum · 28/01/2011 10:06

I have a friend who keeps her daughter off school because she's 'too tired' to go, then brings her along to soft play instead. You wouldn't believe how often that little girl is too tired for school...

I try completely unsuccessfully not to judge and at the end of the day it is not my child or my child's education that suffers but secretly I Do Not Approve and therefore think YANBU.

Original poster
FranSanDisco · 28/01/2011 10:07

TBH I found it hard to be sympathetic this morning so, er, I wasn't Blush. When they turned up I was putting out the bins so said 'I'm rushing this morning ..' and then herded the dcs out the door. I agree not much I can do.

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 28/01/2011 10:11

YANBU... Sounds like the mum is complicit in the child playing truant rather than any genuine problems with its health. Pretty sure the school will have made the same connection.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 28/01/2011 10:16

Of course YANBU. DD was too sick to go to school recently, but too well to stay at home if that makes any sense. She had to sit quietly doing school work. She was off for four days, on day 3 and 4 I did take her to the local park to feed the ducks. there was snow on the ground so she wasn't keen.
OP, the mother sounds like a loon to me, she is devauluing education with her attitude.

ZZZenAgain · 28/01/2011 10:17

she is sick with what?

swanandduck · 28/01/2011 10:18

I agree, if you're fit to be out and about you're not really sick (unless recovering from an operation and taking it easy or some such).

When that child is older will she think it's okay to not bother going into work anytime she's tired or a bit fed up and then be seen later on by colleagues shopping in town or coming out of the cinema?

Emo76 · 28/01/2011 10:20

YANBU and it sounds very odd that she is not well enough to attend school but is fine to do everything else. I hope the school notices this pattern and makes enquiries.

Original poster
FranSanDisco · 28/01/2011 10:24

ZZZenAgain, this week she has the 'sniffles' and the week before last it was 'tummy ache' which could have been a d&v bug but never developed further symptoms. I think she has time off every other week - at least one day off a fortnight. It's only become so obvious to me since I've been taking her to school (around November time).

OP posts:
gorionine · 28/01/2011 10:26

I would not take my Dcs to any clubs cinema or elsewhere when poorly but I definitely let them come downstair on the sofa with their cussion and duvet to watch TV. being poorly is punishment enough for them without being bored to death too. Most of the time they sleep anyway.

I was wondering in OP's case could it be because school does not accept the child back, like after D&V they want a 48 hour wait before you send your child back to school? Maybe clubs have not the same requirement?

mommmmyof2 · 28/01/2011 10:27

I do believe if you are ill you are ill, my mom always made me stay in bed or on the sofa with a blanket.No friends round and if I did perk up and started running around she would send me to school the next day.

I so the same with my dd, but then she loves school (at the moment) so even when she ill she still nags to go!

But if this girl really is ill she needs to just rest and get better so then she can do school and her outside activities.

I remember having an operation when I was 13, doctor said I had to have 2 weeks of school.Last day of the two weeks I went out in the car to pick up my nephew from playschool, I felt that ashamed I was out I hid in the back seat as my mom went in to get him!

altinkum · 28/01/2011 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DarciesmumandTTC2 · 28/01/2011 10:31

If DD is sent home ill, or has a day off when she says she feels ill. I always say if you stay at home then you have to stay in bed, you cannot play as you are ill. Soon changes her mind and goes to school - not that it happens very often she loves school really. Only time shes had off this year iswhen she had her tonsils and adeniods out

Original poster
FranSanDisco · 28/01/2011 10:32

The possible D&V bug resulted in 4 days off with no vomiting or diahorrea (sp). Actually the mum did say there was no point going in on the Friday as it was raining that morning Shock Grin. I am finding it hard not to be judgey and have a firm hold on my neck but as some posters have said the school will be looking at this suspiciously. I believe she visits the office regularly to ask them to ring her mum as she's unwell. DD says no-one is bullying her.

OP posts:
mommmmyof2 · 28/01/2011 10:33

altinkum I do agree depends on what illness the child has, sometimes it is more important for a child to experince life and fun.
Hope your niece ok

altinkum · 28/01/2011 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.