Family Move To San Francisco !!!??

[Diamond5]

ok !!! let me catch my breath and refocus my buzzing mind... 3 weeks ago my DH returns from an away trip to announce that he has sort of accepted a job abroad in San Francisco ( Have trouble spelling the blooming place !!!) There's me thinking WHAT ? We have a lovely house fab neighbours , normal day to day living , 3 children 5,4 and 2 year old all settled with lovely friends and fab mums . My mum and dad just up the road . Why ? .Why O WHY . So here I am stuck in the dilemma of A. starting from scratch on my own in far off land ( DH wil be working 9-5 ) or putting foot down , not going and forever thinking What if ? HELP !!! Having extreme highs and very sobby gutwrenching lows ! Am I being unreasonable ? Any advice forfrom those who have done the same ?

He'll need to be making a mega-salary for any sort of quality of life. Housing costs there are some of the highest in the USA. But conversely, it is one of the cities people most want to live in - a highly sought after location.

Sorry to see you're up so late worrying.....

I have just got back from San Francisco, and all I can say is I am so jealous. We would absolutely love to live there.

Come and talk to me

We moved here from Wiltshire in Sept last year and its LOVELY.

Ask away...

I moved to the US from the UK - though not the SF area.

The people on this forum were pretty helpful with helping me through all the visa stuff, shipping my stuff, what to expect when I got there etc

britishexpats.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=57

Might be worth joining up and asking for some of their thoughts?

Have to agree with Earlybird though, that unless your DH is going to be making a mega salary you will not find things easy financially. SF is an expensive place to set up home - expect thousands of dollars to be flowing out of your account in the first month or so... unless DH's company are going to be awesome enough to take care of all that with a decent relocation package?

Check out zillow.com to get a feel for the housing market. It's pretty comprehensive as it's a database for actual estate agents (realtors in American.) Are you moving to the city proper or outside? I lived across the Bay for years and would love to return to the area when finances allow. SF is gorgeous and fun, great restaurants, parks and shopping, and the most naturally beautiful city I've ever seen, and your kids will love the cable cars.

I'm assuming you had an inkling this was a possibility, otherwise having a husband return from a business trip announcing a move would seem the larger of your issues.

Deep breath, and negotiate. Get a time limit after which if you are not happy the family will come home. Find out how much his package is, and if it is enough. What kind of relocation are they prepared to pay (ideals would include: help with schools, help with housing, help finding you a job if they need it, help with setting up your home, help with linking with expats).
Do you join things? If you go to Church then get a church (synagogue etc. are nearly as useful) asap. If not at least join a bowling league or something. Join the PTA at kids school, nursery.

It will be a great adventure, and I'd love to be going, but it can be tough.

I have family over there and it is a wonderful place but I will echo the expensive part, my cousins kids go to private school so not sure if that is why they find the costs of living so high.

Would it be forever or for a couple of years? Either way, while it was obviously insane of him to accept the job without speaking to you first, maybe it would be worth travelling out there to get a feel for the city before making up your mind.

I think your children are young enough to adapt and see it as an adventure so, really, it's you that has to decide if it's something you want to do (I'd go, I'd love to try living overseas and, at least with SF, you don't have to worry about language barriers etc).

SF is wonderful, I am VERY jealous!

I would agree with lala, if you can go over and check things out first before making any big decisions that would def be the way to go. We moved to New Zealand a couple of years ago when my DD was 3 months old. We have now returned to the UK as DC2 due in a couple of weeks time. We had only said we would go for a couple of years so not a permanent move. I can safely say it was one of the hardest things I have ever done but also one of the most rewarding. I don't think it is possible to underestimate the impact of missing friends, family, familiar day to day routines, everything really. If you do make the move though it could be an amazing adventure, although as others have pointed out, finances are pretty vital. I think that it is also important to factor in the time it can take to settle, it took me a good 9 months to a year, the first 6 being especially difficult. However by the time we were thinking about packing up to come home again I didn't want to leave and my partner is desperate to go back ASAP! I should think with your children being so young though they may well make the adjustment much more quickly. Good luck with your decision making, its a tough one!

I lived in the Bay Area (Napa - North of San Francisco) for a couple years and it is beautiful there!

As others have said, it is very expensive there so if you want to live in the city he'd need to be making serious money.

Oh and when you get the chance, make sure to take the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) into Berkeley, it's not to be missed, especially Telegraph Ave, there's always crazy shit going on.

Hia all . Thank you so much for all your mail its so nice to have such support. Feeling more positive this morning after having a rant on here and then writing down all my greviances on paper. Am more focused coz managed to get some sleep.Am jet lagged coz we went over to SF arrived home tues. It was lovely but didn't feel wow factor which I was hoping to feel. It has some lovely areas and the best bit was the wine tasting on the Sunday $5 for a lot of wine ( it always takes a couple of glasses to get me in the mood !!!) Livermoor and Pleasanton were lovely areas outside the bay area. Willow glen was lovely in valley. Am off to watch American Idol to get me in the mood . Slighty , I will love to take you up on the questioning . What do you think of the areas i listed? DH office in Fremont.

WoW!!! We were in SF twice last year and it is an amaaaaazing city. So much to see and do, so much history and very beautiful. I cant wait to go back again. We drove up the Pacific Coast Highway one of the trips, which was stunning, and out into Yosemite National Park another time, which is fantastic.

I love California and would move there in a shot if we had the chance.

A good friend of mine lived in SF for a few years. She loved it! Because housing was so expensive she lived in Oakland which I understood from her was quite dodgy in places (which in the US is really important for schools because of the way school districts are funded).

My Dad's partner lived for many years in San Mateo and also loved it.

Sounds fab! I loved living in the US (East coast though!) and dh would love to go back.

I don't love all of California but SF is fab. Have friends who moved out there 14 yrs ago & have visited them many times.

If I could put 1 question in your mind get DH to find out how many days hols per year he would get. Even though friends transferred with existing employer they wanted him on local terms which are way stingy on hols. Saying that it increased over the years & they have no intention of coming bach here to live.

Don't forget Tahoe area - amazing views & get kids skiing.

OOh, I'd second that munster Americans work way way too hard for my liking!

I'd also check out the health insurance package. Have a look at the premium, deductible, copay, exclusions, lifetime limits etc. There's no safety net there, especially if you're not US citizens and bills can be sky high even with insurance.

My DH has been living and working in SF for over a year. I decided not to move the family out there because it is a temporary work situation, I have my own job here, and first and foremost my dc are older than yours - one is at secondary school, the other coming to the end of primary school, and I thought moving the family out there would be too disruptive for their education.

We have had two fantastic long holidays there though, but I still believe we made the right decision for us.

However, the dc do find the long separations from their dad quite difficult. If the kids had been younger it would have been different, we probably would all have gone, it is a really fun place to hang out for a couple of years.

Lots of other good advice from other posters on here. You need to weigh things up very carefully. Also American politics and lifestyle can be a bit hard to stomach in big doses, and California is full on.

Can i just say - soo jealous. I lived and worked in Danville/Blackhawk years ago and it's really nice. Still have friends there. SF is a beautiful city and I would love to live there again. It is a better way of life for kids - if my dh could get a job there i would go back in a heartbeat.

I can't believe that no one has mentioned the wretched FOG in SF!

The Bay Area is swamped in it for a couple of months in summer. We visited SF 20 years ago in May and it was bathed in golden sunshine. Perfect!

We visited again a couple of summers ago and it was just miserable for all but an hour or two a day - in the middle of bloomin' August! We were wrapped up in rain jackets much of the time. Friends we met up with have moved out of SF because they can't put up with the fog.

A very beautitful city, but a weird climate. Oh, and not a great place for cycling!

I moved from the UK to SF. Lived there for 10 years. Fantastic city. Absolutely loved it.

You're talking about living in the Bay Area it sounds, not SF itself. So housing prices not so bad, though probably quite suburban. Commuting is quite horrible around the Bay Area so living in Freemont you might get into SF itself only every few months or less. But you are within driving distance and there's so much more too. Skiing in the winter. Beaches in the summer. Hot weather is easy to get to even in winter at the weekends. San Jose and Oakland have good museums and other things to do too.

The fog is very localized - even within SF city itself (which is tiny) there are areas that will be blue and hot all day and other areas where you won't see the sun for a week. Mainly it clings to the coast so you probably won;t see much in the areas you're talking about.

Find out about local schooling - California schools are in big trouble, they've been doing badly for years and the credit crunch has made things much worse.

Find out what sort of visa etc. you'd be on. You probably won't be allowed to work. And there's a limit to how long your DH could work on a visa, so think about how permanent the move would be and how your kids would manage the to-ing and fro-ing. Also think about how you maintain links at home so when you come back you aren't starting from scratch again. Agree with others on the holiday thing - two weeks is standard. They have a couple more public holidays, but it's hard. We spent almost all our holiday coming back to the UK to see family, and missed out on some great opportunities so see other bits of North America. I recommend you make people come to you.

I am pretty jealous. Part of me would love to take our kids back. The weather makes a huge difference, life can just feel so easy in the sun. Plus killer Mexican food.

He accepted a job abroad without discussing it with you!!!? Madness and selfish. I'm really happy where i am and would hate to leave.

I hope you manage to get through my massive PM

SuchProspects has got it spot on - everything she says

Dont know anything about Willow Glen or Livermore, but we seriously considered Pleasanton - its really gorgeous, and a lovely community. The climate there can be significantly hotter than the peninsula in the summer and it would be worth investigating the commute. the CityData Forum was a brilliant resource for us, for that sort of info.
We decided against it because of the summer heat and the commute, but my DH is in Menlo Park, so would have had to have crossed the bridge. If your DH is in Freemont you will find housing a little cheaper than the peninsula, but you will have to be super picky about location/schools. The school website GreatSchools is useful, the good schools tend to be in the nicer/safer areas.

Hope your jet-lag is not too horrendous, get plenty of sleep, if you can!

just thought of another thing: Company Cars. they don't tend to have them here. Check what the company does, how long you can have a hire car, whether you get a interest free loan if you need one, or if you get subsidized leasing.

If anything else comes to me...

We moved to the US 4 years ago as a temporary thing and have decided to stay forever. I personally think San Fran is amazing, and would go tomorrow...our best friends live in Los Gatos and it is really beautiful.

In our experience, living in the US is very, very different to living in the UK. It is much more of a culture shock than you would imagine. We all speak the same language, but there are times I think we may as well be speaking Urdu.

The only thing I would say about your op is that your dh is going to be working 9-5. I honestly don't know ANYONE who only workd 9-5. It's more like 7-7, but we're in NY so it may be different.

There is so, so much to think about when moving to any other country. I've done NYC and currently am in Toronto, both on work assignments with DH.

All the practical stuff is achievable with some good planning, research and organisation.

But I have to be honest, now I have a DD, the fact I don't have any family closer than a 7.5 hour flight (and £500) away and don't have a support structure, i.e you've got to start your friendships from scratch again, is really hard now. Yes you will make friends, but not the one's that you've had since school/Uni whatever.

I think it really hit me hard this week when DH was abroad with work and both DD and I had chronic sickness bug, I had to call an emergency Nanny service (at 20 bucks an hour) to look after DD (and me as it turns out!) as I had no-one else. That was a harsh reality and actually quite scary to think I had no-one I could call on.

Sorry if this sounds like I'm on a downer about being abroad but it's very easy to get swept along with it all and not think about the day to day, being with your DC, in a foreign country, basically feeling like an alien (just because we speak the same language does not mean we're culturally the same!), battling through everything like getting a credit history, you can't get a credit card, blah, blah, blah. It can really grind you down!