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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lane-swimming etiquette (grrrrr)

139 replies

RevoltingPeasant · 27/01/2011 14:00

Last night I was swimming in the lanes section of my local pool, and after I'd been going about 25 minutes these two blokes got in and lurked around end section for a bit. Just as I was approaching the end of the lane, they both pushed off right in front of me and started doing slow breaststroke, thus totally cutting me up and meaning I had to speed up massively to overtake or stop.

AIBU to think that this is really rude, and that getting into a swimming lane is like being at a roundabout - if someone is already going round at a decent pace, you wait till after they've gone so you don't make them swerve? If you know you're not a fast swimmer, shouldn't you wait if you see someone 5m away doing crawl at a reasonable pace?

OP posts:

slug · 28/01/2011 09:42

Why is it always the men who cause the problems?

I used to live in a err... gay friendly area. At the pool you would always see the Muscle Marys. You know the types, overdeveloped bodies, fake tans, expensive haircuts, visible disdain for anything female, all squeezed into the tiniest speedos imaginable. They would invariably preen for ages at the end of the pool, endlessly adjusting their swim caps and goggles, before plowing down the lane displacing vast quantities of water and stopping at the end to catch their breath survey the talent.

Whenever I entered the pool I would get the disdaining looks. I'm no looker and I'm certainly no sylph, but my secret is I am actually a damn good swimmer. I've played water sports to rep level and beyond. It would always amuse me to quietly, cleanly lap them a few times then gently suggest they may be better off in the slow lane.

reluctanthomosapien · 28/01/2011 10:12

I do the touch toes thing (am in UK), learned that from club swimming. However, people dense enough to invade the fast lane with their controlled drowning (love that phrase, whoever posted it) rarely understand or care what you're doing.

I don't tumble turn either, but I am faster on the turnaround than many people I see tumble turning. And actually, badly controlled tumble turning can be just as annoying as everything else.

One of my other bugbears is people who are reasonably fast at one stroke, usually crawl, but really not very good at other strokes, or are slow kick-boarders, yet still insist they will do all their lengths in the fast lane. One time, this woman, who was admittedly faster than me with her crawl, was doing a slow backstroke every now and then with no obvious pattern. She was having a go at anyone who had the temerity to overtake her on her backstroke because, didn't we know how fast her next length was going to be? Er, no, mind reading is not one of my abilities.

Love this thread, can rant about all the stuff DH thinks I'm psychotic about!

Newmumlondon · 28/01/2011 11:04

Blokes ALWAYS do this, it isn't possible that a woman could swim faster than them you see. I once overtook a bloke who then killed himself to overtake me on the next length and as soon as he had overtaken me he went back to his horrible slow breast stroke with a really kicky out leg that made it v difficult for me to overtake - again - without getting kicked in the face. What a tosser.

I also shouted at a bloke sculling very slowly the wrong direction in the fast lane after I almost collided with him doing front crawl the right direction. He got out .

ladysoandso · 28/01/2011 11:18

yeah, why are men so SPLASHY! And really, butterfly should be kept to just the Olympics - not friday night family fun.

Original poster

RevoltingPeasant · 28/01/2011 11:42

Wow just come back to this thread this morning.... Glad you are all finding space for your rants :)

I really don't think it's about being superfast. I mean, I'm not: I don't compete. I tend to do about 2500m in an hour, which I think is respectablish without being fast. It's certainly not club level and I don't do tumbleturns (I can but do them clumsily so am worried about getting in someone's way).

I also don't think it's about being a tad slower than other people: I am gen in the fast lane and normally about the middle of the ability range there, but I don't mind if someone overtakes me and I will pause if someone faster is right behind me. I don't have a problem with people going a bit slower than me in the fast lane IF they are considerate enough to realise and not get in my way.

I want to do my first Olympic-distance triathlon next year, however, so am going to start looking into open-water swim training in the summer.... Anyone done that?

OP posts:

mayorquimby · 28/01/2011 12:26

"Why is it always the men who cause the problems?"

Really? The people who cause annoyances in my pool are always women.
They either stand around the shallow end chatting or else they get in the medium lane and then push off right in front of you with the slowest breast-stroke you'll ever see.
They also get pissed off if you suggest they move to the slow lane.

MsSparkle · 28/01/2011 14:36

"I'm a regular swimmer and my bugbear is the dirty sods who get straight in without showering, or worse, get out to go to the poolside toilet cubicle and hen come straight back in the pool!!"

I know i mean anyone would think the pool had clorine in to kill the germs!

MIFLAW · 28/01/2011 14:50

Ms Sparkle

by the same token presumably you don't mind your kitchen surfaces haing inch-deep shit on them, as long as all the germs in said shit have been killed.

Showering is to remove DIRT, not germs. I don't want to drink your urine whether you've sterilised it or not. (That sounds like it could be a whole different thread.)

LimburgseVlaai · 28/01/2011 15:12

Haven't read the whole thread but here are two other grrrrs (in addition to the lane swimming ones - oh god the slow chatters and the men who thrash up plumes of spume but actually swim really slowly):

Men with long crumbly toenails who gouge out a piece of your thigh when they come thrashing past (or worse: who I overtake while they are thrashing).

People who wear scent. They leave a visible smudge hanging over the water, that you have to swim through.

MsSparkle · 28/01/2011 15:28

"by the same token presumably you don't mind your kitchen surfaces haing inch-deep shit on them, as long as all the germs in said shit have been killed."

How is that the same?

MIFLAW · 28/01/2011 16:54

It's the same because the reaosn for showering is not to kill germs, it's to remove dirt.

I don't want to swim in other people's piss and shit, no matter how germ-free it is - wash it off!

Original poster

RevoltingPeasant · 28/01/2011 16:59

MayorQ

Interesting gender divide here: seems the people causing annoyance in the slow and med lanes are women doing breaststroke, but the people pissing off the fast-laners are men doing bad splashy crawl.

Do you reckon there's a PhD in that somewheres?

OP posts:

MsSparkle · 28/01/2011 17:01

Who goes into the pool though covered in piss and shit?

bumperella · 28/01/2011 17:06

OOh.... I'm thinking of going swimming more often. Am 30 wks preg. If I attempt the front crawl I tend to start drowning after about 3 strokes - this was pre-pregnancy.
I do a mean (if odd-looking and woefully inefficient) breast stroke - with head out of water - not for hair/make-up reasons, but becuae am a crap swimmer reasons.
But I may have to do a ladylike and sophisticated doggy-paddle in a very few short weeks :)

I wouldn't go into the lanes.... but am I going to get lynched anyway?

schmee · 28/01/2011 19:22

A man tried to join me in the single poolside shower this pm.

skinnydip · 28/01/2011 19:59

go swimming with the kids alot more fun

CloudsAway · 28/01/2011 20:09

I went to the pool for the first time in years last week. I was going to go again tonight. Not a chance now that I know what everyone else would be thinking. Like I don't feel bad enough about how I look already, I don't need to worry about being judged for being slow or getting something wrong about the whole etiquette thing too. Don't really know where to go or what to do about trying to exercise, without someone being fed up with me or laughing.

Oldsilver · 28/01/2011 20:10

Went swimming today and overtook someone in the fast lane - I was in the slow

iloverhubarbcrumble · 28/01/2011 20:18

This is so funny. Oh yes, we have 'the machine'. This is a woman who swims in the middle lane, one row breast stroke, one row back etc. She keeps going relentlessly, she does not look AT ALL, she launches off on her backstroke scattering others in the process. We all leap out of her way, look daggers, exchange angry comments, try to kick her, noone says anything... I move to the slow lane. She is really odd.

I meanwhile am the ultimate in etiquette. Relatively slow middle lane, always wait, discuss who should go first, no no after you...

And then there are the men who are oblivious and splashy and large and always finish their length at the same point on the side, even if you are there already. Wham.

But the anger does provide camaraderie and chat with other more aware types.

tyler80 · 28/01/2011 20:25

CloudsAway the chances are that if you're even a little bit worried about what people are thinking then you're not one of those people who are being discussed here. Because these people seem totally oblivious to other people existing, they're certainly not worrying about what others think of them!

Lane etiquette isn't a mysterious set of rules, just basic common courtesy really.

MortaIWombat · 28/01/2011 20:28

There does seem to be a tremendous amount of testosterone flying around on this thread, doesn't there?

Oldsilver · 28/01/2011 20:29

Here here tyler80 exactly my sentiments.

CloudsAway · 28/01/2011 20:44

I don't know. I'm slow and fat, do stupid looking breathing or don't know what to do with my head, probably kick too much or too little, can't always tell if how fast or slow I am compared to people or when to start, I don't always swim each length at the same speed either. I have to stop at the end to get my breath, I doubt I get out of the way fast enough. I am sure that I end up breaking some of the other invisible rules that there seem to be, or I'll be laughed at just because I don't even notice that I've done something that might have pissed them off. It was terrifying just going in for the first time last week, even trying to work out how the pool worked, little things about where to go and what to do and how laughable I might look, before I even got in the pool. And reading this just makes me feel so inferior and unconfident.

So I ended up sitting here in front of the computer tonight instead of going back.

DoubleDegreeStudent · 28/01/2011 22:21

CloudsAway please don't be disheartened. I moved pools recently and know exactly what you mean about not knowing where to go or what to do. If you can go at the same time every week you'll probably find there is a little group of regulars which, although a bit intimidating at first, is reassuring after a while.

I'm desperately unhappy in swimming gear, but that just means I dawdle on the side less and get straight into swimming. Like tyler80 said, if you worry about it then you aren't the problem. And if people laugh at you, just kick VERY hard and splash them as you go past.

It gets better when you get in the water, and it gets easier each week. Sorry if any of that sounded patronising, it wasn't meant to, but I haven't been to my local pool since Christmas because (and this sounds stupid) the opening hours of changed and I don't know when my usual people will be there : so I know how hard it is to get yourself going. Maybe see if there is a session of something like water aerobics you could try just for a week, and then ask someone there if they want to stay and do a few gentle lengths at the end? Good luck!

notcitrus · 28/01/2011 22:50

When I go with luck I'm the only one in the lane. Yes, one lane down the middle and 20 schoolkids on each side having lessons. It's usually OK as the group of elderly women try to get out of my way, and the other people who sometimes are there are so slow I just go round them or around my speed.

BUT! Lifeguard who comes in halfway through! If I'm in the middle of your pool, with vaseline up my nose, and I'm getting knocked back by the smell of your icky perfume and start feeling sick, IT IS TOO STRONG!!!

I don't even have a good sense of smell!

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