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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm really mad

40 replies

redrollers · 27/01/2011 11:17

so been up most of the night with DS who has a fever.
Emailed my colleague this morning (boss is away)to tell him I wouldn't be in.
it has taken him 4 hours to get back to me.
with this

"Yes, will you be working from home? or is this an day away"

thread from earlier this week

I was letting him know as a courtesy, he is not by boss, he does not sign my timesheets
and he is expecting me to work from home(how I don't know) when Ds is poorly

I really hate him,and I'm so angry right now, but I know I can't really see clearly through it.
AIBU, or is he being insensitive?

OP posts:
TallulahDoesTheHula · 27/01/2011 11:20

Didnt read your other thread but maybe just reply 'I'll discuss details with boss, was just informing you as a courtesy that I wont be in today'

SenoritaViva · 27/01/2011 11:21

Yes, I remember you. I would ignore, you are surely not meant to be checking your emails since DS is ill? Use this as an excuse for no reply but send email to boss (if you haven't already) stating what is happening etc.

If he has a go at you say that yes, you did check mail, he responded 4 hours later, if he had needed something he could have replied immediately.

Just treat it as 'none of his business'. If he asks again simply say 'yes, have informed xxx(boss) for timesheets etc.'

Sorry for you. Don't think about him. Hope DS gets better soon.

Sorry for badly written post, multi tasking (poorly).

cantspel · 27/01/2011 11:24

maybe he just wants to know if you are available for queries or not. If you are working from home he may want to contact you over something but doesn't want to if you are taking a days leave.

Hammy02 · 27/01/2011 11:25

It seems that your colleague was just asking whether or not you were taking the day as holiday or working from home? I know where I work that my not working would impact my colleague's workload so they would need to know my intentions for the day. Perhaps you are just reading too much into his comment?

Original poster
redrollers · 27/01/2011 11:30

i don't have work email at home or a work laptop.
he really doesn't need me for anything, he's just making a point

this is all new to me, taking days off when DS is ill. I know I'm being protective, my son is so much more important to me than work, So I don't know if I am being too defensive.
This is not going to work. I will email my boss and set up a chat for when she gets back

OP posts:
Original poster
redrollers · 27/01/2011 11:33

thanks cantspel and hammy, that's what I mean.
I just saw red when I saw his email, because I really dislike him and I feel a tone, and it took him 4 hours, like it's not important.
But yes he could have just been asking. some of them work from home sometimes, but they have work laptops.
I don't.

OP posts:
Deliaskis · 27/01/2011 11:37

I have only just read your other thread, and whilst I agree he seems like a jumped up ar$e, I actually think his question is fair enough.

Regardless of whether or not I am someone's manager, it is useful to know whether they are WFH or having a day's holiday/sick/fmaily leave, as in the first instance, I would still expect to be able to call/email them and discuss things, whereas in the second I wouldn't. If WFH then I would also expect ordinary commitments deadlines to be met, whereas if holiday/sick/family leave then I would need to look at farming out any urgent work etc.

Some people do WFH when children are ill, as very often if child is asleep in bed etc. then there is time to work, and the staff member might continue to work into the evening when partner comes home or whatever, in order to be able to avoid taking a day of holiday etc. It's not an unreasonable thing to query.

I do agree he is a jumped ar$e but I don't think this question is out of order on its own.

D

Hammy02 · 27/01/2011 11:39

I've just read your other thread so I now see your point much more. I used to work with someone like this. Made my life a misery if I'm honest. Used to bring every tiny mistake I made to the attention of our manager. Big up her own achievements and undermine every one of mine. Rubbish every idea I had. I started to keep a diary and that made me feel better as I knew I'd have proof if ever it was needed. Perhaps this may help you? I no longer work there thankfully.

Original poster
redrollers · 27/01/2011 11:41

thank Deliaskis, i think I agree now I have calmed down.
When he didn't reply I emailed some other colleagues, who have since replied with hope he gets better etc.
It was just so terse from him.

this is such a mess, I really hate it

OP posts:
Original poster
redrollers · 27/01/2011 11:45

hammy, you're so right,
I went to a meeting with this guy and he was a bit out of his depth tbh, but a senior manager was there and he used a phrase that was quite amusing.
so dickhead guy has started to use the same phrase, cos he thinks it makes him sound good.
I think I will keep a diary.
I could leave at any time, but I really don't want it to be on bad terms, but I can't see me getting around the problem I have with him. He is such a tosser and I do have to work quite closely with him. I have actually been a bit embarrassed at meetings with him this week.

OP posts:
pascoe28 · 27/01/2011 11:46

Emailing about absence is a touch passive-aggressive, if you ask me.

If you phone up you can iron out any misunderstandings over the phone there and then and not have to stew on misinterpreted emails for several hours.

swanandduck · 27/01/2011 11:50

I dont see anything wrong with that question. He's just checking in case anyone asks I would imagine. Mind you, most people would have prefixed it with 'Hi, hope ds is feeling a bit better' or some such.
I agree, from the other thread, that he sounds like a right tool. But I wouldn't get wound up about everything he says or you'll give yourself an early heart attack.

purpleandpink · 27/01/2011 11:51

Hi

Just out of interest, are there likely to be team leader/supervisor vacancies coming up soon? It's just that I recognise this sort of behaviour from where I used to work - when there was a sniff of a promotion opportunity, certain people would turn into mini hitlers - taking it upon themselves to send out "motivatingWink" emails, tracking people's progress against targets and "helpfully Hmm" pointing out other peoples errors (cc'ing in the boss of course). It was awful, smacked of desperataion and din't really do them any favours in the long run.

In my experience the best way to handle people like this is to ignore them. Ignore his message and in future, just let another colleague know if your boss is away, ask a different colleague if you need help and at your next review (with your actual boss) ask them if there is a problem with your work as said colleague has given the impression there is and you're feeling a bit anxious about it. People like that crave power and acknowledgement - if he feels he has neither he will hopefully get bored.

purpleandpink · 27/01/2011 11:51

PS - hope LO gets better soon!

Original poster
redrollers · 27/01/2011 11:54

pascoe
I don't actually have anyone's phone number.
I've only been there 3 months
Now I could have looked up the central number for reception and asked for them,but it's a huge organisation and email was a little bit easier at 7 this morning
but yes I get your point. As a manager I would expect a phone call.

OP posts:
Original poster
redrollers · 27/01/2011 11:56

purpleandpink, I think it's kind of the other way round.
He has just been made permanent and he is trying to make his mark, that's exactly what he is like

OP posts:
ZombiePlan · 27/01/2011 12:27

think it depends what your office is like TBH. at my old place people were v passive aggressive and this kind of thing would absolutely have been a snidey dig. At other place I've worked it would've just been a question so they could know whether it was ok to eg phone uyou. So hard to tell unless you actually work at the place...

bubblewrapped · 27/01/2011 12:48

Emailing about absence is a touch passive-aggressive, if you ask me

how is it passive-agressive?

It is poor communication, because you dont know if the person you are emailing is in themselves to receive the mail, and really it should be followed up with a phonecall and an actual conversation with someone, but I wouldnt say it comes under the phrase passive-agressive.

monkeyflippers · 27/01/2011 12:57

I would find someone to complain about him to but make sure you are armed with a list of complaints and try to be nice about it so they don't think you are the one with the problem.

amelem · 27/01/2011 13:02

I think his email response was okay actually, and think ideally you should have rang him up (although understand your reasons why you didn't.) I have worked with someone like this in the past. I really think the best approach is to be really nice and polite and try not to get so wound up by him. I'm sure he is really as bad as you describe, but people like this never change. Just try to see the funny side of his new big head!

slug · 27/01/2011 13:11

If you did want to reply to the email a one word answer would suffice

"neither"

RevoltingPeasant · 27/01/2011 13:16

red

I see where you are coming from re: that email, esp if there is a history with this guy. But as others have said, it might just be a genuine query.

Also, can I ask about the 4 hours thing? You said it took him 4 hours to get back, but then that you emailed him at 7ish this am? Surely you weren't expecting him to get back at that time? Maybe he just got into work late himself for some random reason and only got the email at 10.30 or something.

Also-also-also (Smile), you say 'this isn't working'. Well, if this might happen again, any chance of asking your boss for a work laptop? You might feel more keyed, iyswim, if you had work email on tap. Might make it more practical work from home.

LittleMissHissyFit · 27/01/2011 13:55

Just want to check where you get the 4hr reply from?

You emailed him at 7am. Your thread started at 11. What time does your office open, would this guy be working at 7am?

If not then surely you'd not expect him to reply in anything under 2 hours.

You could have called him, even if DS was screaming in the background, tbh that'd be fine as it illustrates your point perfectly.

I think he has got off on the wrong foot with you and your hackles are well and truly up.

You may never like him, but you need to get on.

Hope you don't misunderstand my post, I am 100% sympathetic to you, I have worked with some total arses and it is hell.

Call him this after noon and ask him how he's getting on and if he's OK. Apologise for not being there and tell him that you hope he's coping OK. If he starts to talk down to you, remind him that we've all been there, this absence is inconvenient for you both, but that it happens.

If this guy is not senior to you then you need to mirror back to him the manager position he tries to adopt with you sometimes.

Somehow, between your own insecurities and his need to prove himself (through HIS own fears and insecurities) he is making you feel inferior, and you are NOT.

Buck yourself up girl! Grin

NoWayNoHow · 27/01/2011 14:03

YAB a little U. His sentence says: "Yes, will you be working from home? or is this an day away"
That's not TELLING you to work from home at all, he's simply asking whether you're on the job or not.
I think you're being slightly over-sensitive, possibly cos you don't like him?

DublinMammy · 27/01/2011 14:24

Red I have worked with someone like this - really loved to shift the blame, patronising, assumed his own superiority, tried to catch me out in front of others etc. What ended up happening was that I hated the guy so much pretty much ANYTHING he did/said pissed me off. If I'm honest his continued theft of oxygen annoyed me.

I think Hissy has the right approach ( I wish I had got that advice instead of stewing in my own rage and eventually leaving, having let myself down by bitching about him to everyone - oops). Ring and check that he is managing ok without you, the mirroring is a great plan.

Oh! And have a little private name perhaps for him? I called my nemesis Humpty Cunty because of his eggy, watery eyes and his cuntish behaviour. Feel free to use that if it suits....