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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm really mad

40 replies

redrollers · 27/01/2011 11:17

so been up most of the night with DS who has a fever.
Emailed my colleague this morning (boss is away)to tell him I wouldn't be in.
it has taken him 4 hours to get back to me.
with this

"Yes, will you be working from home? or is this an day away"

thread from earlier this week

I was letting him know as a courtesy, he is not by boss, he does not sign my timesheets
and he is expecting me to work from home(how I don't know) when Ds is poorly

I really hate him,and I'm so angry right now, but I know I can't really see clearly through it.
AIBU, or is he being insensitive?

OP posts:

moomaa · 27/01/2011 14:54

Do you think he might have a problem with contractors? I have come across people who treat contractors like servants thinking they are not one of the team.

In this instance though I think his response was ok. It was normal in the teams I worked in to send a group email to all in the office in these sort of situations along the lines of 'I won't be in today, am taking leave/working from home'. As someone else said they need to know if your work will be late or they can ask you questions.

samalexholly · 27/01/2011 15:43

If there is one thing i have learnt, "ALWAYS PUT YOUR FAMILY FIRST AND WORK COMES SECOND" At the end of the day your family will always be there for you, jobs come and go and so do the people that work in it. I dont care what job i get in the future in the end they all do the same thing 'bring money in'. just brush it off its not your problem, look after yourself n your family

Lonnie · 27/01/2011 16:35

So OP what did you do?

zookeeper · 27/01/2011 17:02

You are not being in the slightest way unreasonable and I am amazed anyone would think this is acceptable. You are not accountable to him and his email is clearly snide.

Sarsaparilllla · 27/01/2011 17:06

I think you're being a bit over sensitive because you've had issues with this guy who emailed you back.

His question was fine, he was just confirming whether you were working from home or not. Surely better to do that than assume one way or the other?

I think you should've rang in to say you weren't working or just been a bit more specific in your email to say you weren't working today.

Original poster

redrollers · 27/01/2011 17:50

I think I've blown this out of proportion, but I am really upset about it.

Will try and explain
I emailed him and another colleague at 7 to say i wouldn't be in. He has blackberry, other guy doesn't. He starts 830, other guy later.
I emailed again saying breezily , can you let ne know you have received email at 1030.
So his response was "yes" ( I have got your email)
blah blah.
No hello, no sign off, no sorry about your son.
Other guy emailed back nicely saying sorry son poorly hope he gets better soon.

4 hours maybe an exaggeration, I wouldn't have expected a reply before 9 and i just feel like the delay was while he figured out what
response to make.
I honestly feel like he's a big bully and I want to just walk out. But then he's won. And I need to look for a new job.
I am looking anyway.

Will talk to manager on Monday, but I reckon he will already be in there complaining about me. I'm not sure she likes him much, but I can't go in there just slagging him off, I have to be reasonable and professional, and I just want to cry
I hate this

OP posts:

Original poster

redrollers · 27/01/2011 17:54

Oh I emailed him back and said I don't have any facility to work from home, my son is ill . It will be unpaid of course.

OP posts:

Bathsheba · 27/01/2011 17:59

I am a bit confused by this and your other thread...there is mention in other places that he IS Senior to you in terms of the project you are working on, although not actually senior to you in company heirarchy.

Its a position my DH finds himself in all the time - he is sometimes the project manager on projects, he is sometimes the project resource (i.e. the project manager is someone else).

If he is managing a project he needs to know what is happening with regard to this project - does he count you as working today or not working today on the project he is managing? That actually seems fairly reasonable to me looking at it from the position where he is running the project you are working on.

When you are back at work, speak to your departmental manager about heirarchy and who you are answerable to and when, but you MAY find that as he is managing the project that, whilst you are working on that, he has every right to be acting like your boss, or to ask you questions and ask you to do things for him....

BodleianBabe · 27/01/2011 18:11

I have read other thread and I can totally see why he irritates you however I do think in this case you are being a bit over sensitive.

He probably didn't reply straight away because in the great scheme of things it's not that important to him. In my job you would always ask permission to take the day rather than tell someone that's what you're doing and therefore would get a reply back in a fairly timely manner. It isn't ever refused (as long as it's reasonable)it's just the way things are done.

I normally text my manager if I need the day off (eg DS recently rushed into hospital) or my staff text me (they all have my work mobile and most my personal one).

At my place of work you're expected to put in a days leave or request special leave depending on the circumstances. However some people will say they are 'working from home' which in reality means being available for phone calls and work queries and means they don't use any leave days which in IMO is a bit cheeky because they don't actually do a days office work because they're looking after their child(yes I know looking after child is work too)!!!

So I would have thought his question was reasonable.

LittleMissHissyFit · 27/01/2011 18:37

You see redrollers THIS is why you are getting pissed off, but you are enabling him.

It's NONE OF HIS BUSINESS whether you are working paid or unpaid.

If he got your message, all well and good. As per my previous message, you could have called him and actually delegated some of your stuff onto him....

Take back the control, you have been there longer. Stand your ground girl.

If your manager doesn't like him then you have a balance weighted in your favour, play the long game. Play smart, play to win....

You can do it!

Original poster

redrollers · 27/01/2011 19:02

God I sound like a complete wimp.

I was doing really well with him as well.
I was being really pro active, getting lots done, and really trying to be upbeat and communicative with him.
I was not going to let him get the better of me, I was going to have a nice chat and talk about how I think we can help each other as our knowledge compliments each other, blah blah.

But now I just feel like shit.
I feel like he's got me. I've caved in.

Bathsheba, I do not report to him with regards to admin, the only seniority he has is that he has been there longer and he has just been made permanent, and I am contracting. wrt the project, we do completely different things, we don't need each other, I manage my own work and my own time.
He seems to have taken a manager's role upon himself.

My mum can look after DS tomorrow, so i can go to work. He is not in, so hopefully I can get some work done, and get my confidence back.
I really want to talk to my other colleagues and guage their feelings, but obviously very delicate situation!

OP posts:

warthog · 27/01/2011 19:08

i think if he pulls this 'manager' bullshit you should calmly turn to him and say 'actually, i only discuss this sort of thing with xxx.' smile and turn back to your work.

he has no jurisdiction.

warthog · 27/01/2011 19:10

and i agree that you are giving him this power. take it back -he doesn't deserve it and you are enabling his wankeriness.

monkeyflippers · 28/01/2011 13:37

Yeah agree with warthog. Next time you have a question ask someone else. Or next time he asks you to book his meetings say that he can do it himself as you have your own stuff to do.

Original poster

redrollers · 28/01/2011 15:59

he's not here today, and it's been such a better day
Feel quite positive about having the chat now
will be wetting myself next week

OP posts:

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