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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my day has been tougher than DHs?

31 replies

ready2pop · 26/01/2011 21:43

Going to be long....sorry.

He has been to work. He has a high pressure job and left the house at 8 this morning and got home about half an hour ago. I don't doubt that he works very hard all of the time in between. He may have to do more from home tonight.

I have tonsilitis have had it since Sunday but have yet to sneak any rest. DS (2 and a half) is just getting over it and DD (17 months)looks like she is coming down with it. Both very grumpy and not been sleeping well the last week. To top things off my DD fell over today and cut her mouth, nothing serious but it gave bled like hell and gave us both a scare until I worked out what had happened.

I've been doing most of the getting up at night as DH hasn't been coming to bed until gone midnight because he's been working late from home and it seemed unfair to wake him straight back up.

I am tired, hot and shivery, feel like I have swallowed two pin laden ping pong balls and am stressed out from spending all day taming two angry toddlers.

DH and I had a bit of a row about it earlier on because I phoned him and asked begged him to come home a bit early to help with bedtime which he wouldn't.

Anyway, he has just told me that he has had a very bad day at work on top of which he is having to cook dinner because I haven't. I checked and he has not been sacked, subjected to work place bullying, shouted at by boss etc... just very very busy.

My response is unrepeatable.

My day (week really) was worse, wasn't it?

OP posts:

huddspur · 26/01/2011 21:44

YABU its a pointless comparison

Original poster

ready2pop · 26/01/2011 21:46

PS - after spending the rest of the week looking like I have just emerged from Tracey Emin's bed and feeling a bit guilty about bothering him at work, I had made an effort this evening and greeted him at the door wearing the closest thing I own to saucy undies [wimk].

He didn't mention it.

OP posts:

backwardpossom · 26/01/2011 21:47

YABU - it's not a competition...

LadyBiscuit · 26/01/2011 21:49

Sounds like you're both stressed. I assume you enjoy the income that comes with the long hours your DH works?

I am sorry you're ill though I can't fathom why you put on sexy undies when you feel like shit and you have ping pong balls shoved down your throat

FauxFox · 26/01/2011 21:51

If you are well enough to don saucy undies (and take the consequences!) you are well enough to look after kids and cook dinner.

Sorry.

pascoe28 · 26/01/2011 21:53

You sound quite self-absorbed.

LoveMyGirls · 26/01/2011 21:53

Think you're both having it hard at the moment. I would dose yourself up, suggest you make up and try to see each others pov without actually relaying to each other what you have done all day. You are BOTH doing what you can and need to do for your family. Sleep when you can, eat soup, do as little as possible with housework. Thing's will look better in a few days when you are well again x

FoxyRevenger · 26/01/2011 21:54

Wouldn't it be better if you could both say 'bloody hell, we're both having a tough week of it aren't we?' rather than trying to out-stress each other?

Nice try on the undies though.

lokaku · 26/01/2011 21:54

YABU if he's only just got in I don't he is BU to expect you to have at least started cooking dinner.

moulesvinrouge · 26/01/2011 21:56

YABU - in this climate job stress is terrible - you're just dealing with children and bedtime, and feeling rough. I'd be really hacked off to be asked to come home when I was already manic, because you felt grim. Buck up, lady! [bsmile]

Original poster

ready2pop · 26/01/2011 21:58

Fair enough.

No we don't have lots of cash. Bugger all in fact. I work part time from home too and would go back to work save that with childcare costs I think we'd be worse off.

May have overstated the saucy undies thing - it is a nighty with lacey bits as opposed to my usual frumpy pjs. Just wanted to set a more grown up tone for the evening really in the hope that we might spend a bit of time together.

Shall grin and bear it then.

OP posts:

mum295 · 26/01/2011 21:58

Your DH, his working hours, etc sound similar to mine. I am SAHM with one DD aged 2.5.

He and I both had bad days yesterday and he called me repeatedly on his way home to complain about his sh*tty commute and busy day at work. After about the tenth call/text I started losing patience.

Normally on days like that I get riled like you did and show him my annoyance.

When he (eventually) got home I took a (very) deep breath, let him have his rant, and he then realised I was upset about something and he listened to me.

We both felt better afterwards. I will be trying to adopt this tactic in future. We are, after all, on the same "team", it's not a competition.

My DH's pay rise (if any), bonus, promotion prospects and so on are being decided at the moment and it's very important to our family that he does well. Maybe that's the case for your DH's work too? Seems to be a big time of year for this type of thing.

Original poster

ready2pop · 26/01/2011 21:59

About the dinner, I hadn't started it because I hadn't actually managed to get my two sick toddlers asleep by then and was still shuttling in and out of their rooms.

OP posts:

wonderstuff · 26/01/2011 22:00

Its not a competition - get to bed, you're over half way through the week. Hope it gets better for you.

ginmakesitallok · 26/01/2011 22:04

YABU - as said before it's not a competition over who's had the worst day! With DD1 we often got into the "who's most tired" type conversations and who "deserved" a lie in most. With DD2 I've realised that we're in this together, we're both doing our best and we need to be kind to each other. Difficult I know when you've had a shit day!

FauxFox · 26/01/2011 22:04

If you are feeling really terrible go to bed and tell DH to make himself beans on toast and answer any child needs til 2am then you'll do 2 til 7am (when he has to get up for work?) stick your earplugs in and get some rest - you never really appreciate the joy of being ill as a non-parent until you are one...it's my one regret that I didn't wallow more when ill before I had DCs

FabbyChic · 26/01/2011 22:05

Ive to wonder if you SAHM's know what a stressful job is like.

I worked 12 hour days taking work up whilst bringing up my two children single handed.

After ten years I got burn out and had a nervous breakdown.

Work stress is insurmountable and real hard to contend with, every waking moment you think about work, you can't sleep for thinking about it it's all you think about.

It's darn hard. I'd loved to have been at home with a sore throad and two kids rather than had to work 12 hours and then come home and be a mother and do everything else.

Maybe when your DH's have a heart attack you might realise just how stressed their work lives are.

clevercloggs · 26/01/2011 22:05

if you have tonsillitus why would you want to get fruity with him and risk passing it on

i would be annoyed if i have worked 10 hours, got home, OH had been whinging about being at deaths door but when i get there is he hoping for a quick fumble

no not really a turn on

FabbyChic · 26/01/2011 22:06

Oh and it doesnt take ten mins to throw dinner in the slow cooker and leave it to dish up when he gets home.

Surely he should have a dinner, I doubt your kids have been awake all day.

Original poster

ready2pop · 26/01/2011 22:09

FabbyChic - I do understand what work stress is like believe me. I had a very high pressure career myself which I would happily resume if it were possible for us.

I just don't see why work stress is automatically assumed to be worse than home stress and I guess that is my whole complaint really. Why is worrying about your child's health less stressful than worrying about money/promotion etc... I agree it shouldn't be a competition but do feel my stresses are dismissed a lot of the time because they happen at home rather than in the workplace.

As for going to bed, I'd love to but DCs still grumbling.

OP posts:

Original poster

ready2pop · 26/01/2011 22:11

What's a slow cooker?

OP posts:

Takver · 26/01/2011 22:14

Well, I'm going to buck the trend and say YANBU. It sounds like your DH is working 14 hr days inc travelling - if you have 2 sick toddlers plus being up in the night then you are effectively working 24 hr days, plus being sick yourself.

And - IMO - even the most stressful job allows you 5 minutes to go to the toilet or drink a cup of tea in peace, which sick toddlers do not.

Thank the lord, I have never been a SAHM . . .

pointydug · 26/01/2011 22:15

His day sounds like it was awful.

Yours sounded pretty bad too until you said you were perky enough to put on frilly knickers.

huddspur · 26/01/2011 22:16

A slow cooker is a cooker that cooks at a lower temperature over a longer period of time. You can make things like stews or chilli in it.

Original poster

ready2pop · 26/01/2011 22:17

Righty ho - shall go and apologise then. Thanks ladies

really no frilly knickers just a nightie as opposed to pjs.

OP posts:

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