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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my day has been tougher than DHs?

31 replies

ready2pop · 26/01/2011 21:43

Going to be long....sorry.

He has been to work. He has a high pressure job and left the house at 8 this morning and got home about half an hour ago. I don't doubt that he works very hard all of the time in between. He may have to do more from home tonight.

I have tonsilitis have had it since Sunday but have yet to sneak any rest. DS (2 and a half) is just getting over it and DD (17 months)looks like she is coming down with it. Both very grumpy and not been sleeping well the last week. To top things off my DD fell over today and cut her mouth, nothing serious but it gave bled like hell and gave us both a scare until I worked out what had happened.

I've been doing most of the getting up at night as DH hasn't been coming to bed until gone midnight because he's been working late from home and it seemed unfair to wake him straight back up.

I am tired, hot and shivery, feel like I have swallowed two pin laden ping pong balls and am stressed out from spending all day taming two angry toddlers.

DH and I had a bit of a row about it earlier on because I phoned him and asked begged him to come home a bit early to help with bedtime which he wouldn't.

Anyway, he has just told me that he has had a very bad day at work on top of which he is having to cook dinner because I haven't. I checked and he has not been sacked, subjected to work place bullying, shouted at by boss etc... just very very busy.

My response is unrepeatable.

My day (week really) was worse, wasn't it?

OP posts:
FunnysInTheGarden · 26/01/2011 22:18

you need to realise it's not a competition. You have both had shit days. Why not have a glass of wine and moan together. You will achieve precisely nothing by trying to win the 'who had the worst day' competition

wonderstuff · 26/01/2011 22:18

But FabbyChic work stress and home stress are different - being at home with kids while you are ill is horrible, and they don't always nap when you want them two, is very rare that I can get both mine down at the same time for more than 10 mins.
Also a bit off to suggest SAHM don't know what work is like, most did have a job before motherhood. My experience of work is that it is not as draining as motherhood, I am going back after mat leave soon and am soo looking forward to it.

Also just because your work stress was massive doesn't really mean the OP's dh's is, and I imagine that as a working single mother you were doing a lot more than most working fathers who have partners who stay at home. My dh (who already helps out around the house when he gets home will have to do more when I get back to work.

mum295 · 26/01/2011 22:23

FabbyChic, I am a SAHM at the moment but was also a working mother, right up to the point I was made redundant. I am currently pg with DC2 but planning to go back to work once DC2 is old enough so that I can relieve the pressure of being sole breadwinner from DH's shoulders. Not something that I particularly like him doing, although he seems to appreciate not having to worry about things on the home front.

I do know what work stress is like, had to go and see GP about it on a number of occasions when I was working, sobbing in his surgery, and a close colleague also suffered a breakdown due to work pressure, so I am sorry to hear about your experience and breakdown.

However, please don't make assumptions about others based on your situation. The OP also says she has had a high-pressure career and understands what that's like.

ready2pop it is tough. IMO neither of you (you/DH) is "right" here. If he doesn't work, your mortgage and bills aren't paid and you are out on the street. If you don't work (BTW, I insist on calling what I do as a SAHM "work") then your kids don't eat and will get sick, or worse. If you and DH can both see both sides (which I don't always manage to do, I'll admit) then so much the better. It will feel better in the morning.

bethylou · 26/01/2011 22:23

I'm with Takver - I think perfectly reasonable to ask him to come home a bit early when everyone is ill, including you. And, having just gone back to work after 12 months of maternity leave with DS1 and DS2 (aged nearly 3 and nearly one), I'd say home stress is worse than work stress so maybe it depends what job people do!

Not sure about the nightie though Smile

Hope you feel better soon and don't feel too miffed at the hard time you've been given above.

LadyBiscuit · 26/01/2011 22:25

It sounds like you both had horrid days and you could do with being sympathetic to one another, rather than competing.

It's insane if he's working really long hours though and not getting paid much (does he get overtime?)

ballstoit · 26/01/2011 22:27

I've had work stress, and I've had days at home with 2 (or 3) poorly, whingeing toddlers. I know which I found most exhausting and stressful (and it aint the one I got pay and recognition for!).

Hope you both get a good nights sleep, and you and your DC feel better soon x

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