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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know IABU, but still...

45 replies

raby81 · 26/01/2011 17:14

My MiL has announced that she is going to buy DD's school shoes for her each year (she's only 5 months) as part of her birthday present.
I feel really petty but it's really annoyed me because I want to buy her first school shoes! I also want to be able to choose shoes that I think are appropriate and can already see arguments on the horizon about proper fitting, appropriate for school etc.
I tried to say 'that's really generous but...'and didn't get very far.
DH thinks I'm just being a bitch and part of me probably is, but I really want to enjoy these little landmark events for myself.
What do you think?

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 26/01/2011 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scurryfunge · 26/01/2011 17:16

Let MIL buy her boring school shoes and you will be able to buy the fancy trendy ones that she'll really want.

MardyBra · 26/01/2011 17:18

There are lots of other firsts. Presumably you'll get to take her to school on her first day. You can always go shopping with her and have some input on the shoes.

Or is this part of an underlying Mil problem?

MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 17:18

i think its abit mean her buying school shoes for her birthday.

treas · 26/01/2011 17:19

Couldn't you choose the shoes and MIL pay?

MissyMorrison87 · 26/01/2011 17:21

yeah i'd propably be more pissed about the fact they are for her birthday!! If my parents had bought me part of my SCHOOL UNIFORM for my birthday i'd have felt really put out and upset, watching all the other kids playhing with their birthday barbies or whatever it is these days.

Fair enough if she was buying them generally every year but as a birthday present?? Really??

verytellytubby · 26/01/2011 17:21

Jump at it

You can buy the fun stuff.

MardyBra · 26/01/2011 17:23

OP said the shoes were part of the birthday present

saffy85 · 26/01/2011 17:23

Vouchers?

MIL has taken DD shoe shopping once. I went too and we ended up having a 3 way arguement- myself, MIL and DD. Soooo much easier when it's just me and DD arguing about why she is not having Lelli Kellys than arguing my point with MIL that she isn't having minging brown ones either!

YANBU I totally understand- it's ok if yourself and MIL have same/similar tastes but a minefield if like me and mine you don't!

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/01/2011 17:24

my mum has a thing about buying my dcs shoes, but when she first started doing it they were horrible shoes, so i told her and she said i could pick them and she woudl pay for them.

would your MIL go for that?

Original poster
raby81 · 26/01/2011 17:27

I feel like a real whiner and have posters regret! It's a slightly difficult relationship (probably with me being the difficult one!. I'd be mortified if DH read this as he already thinks I'm not patient enough with MiL. How do people vent on MN and not worry about getting caught?

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 17:31

dont worry about it. why dont you say to her its a great idea but would she mind if you buy the first pair as it is a special land mark occasion.

I would also say that you would be concerned that your daughter may feel abit upset always getting school shoes fror her birthday present off her. (if it is only a msall part of her presesnt then dont worry too much).

Also when is her birthday? Seriously if her birthday is in January then that is taking the mick a little.

MoonGirl1981 · 26/01/2011 17:32

I agree with scurryfunge about letting her buy the school shoes (just insist they're black) and you can buy the cool ones with pink flowers on or whatever.

Proper shoes are expensive, let her carry on.

Although the birthday present thing is odd. Maybe as a kid that's what she got?

curlymama · 26/01/2011 17:33

You have no reason to be patient with her, other than the fact that you love her son. She owes you as much respect and patience as you do her.

I think as long as you make sure you are there when she buys the shoes and have some input, you will be fine. After the first set, the novelty wears off in a big way. Take it from all the Mums on here who end up dreadding the shoe shopping trips over the Summer holidays!

There are so many lovely shoes, take comfort in the fact that you will get to buy the pretty ones that your dd actually wants.

Definatley a case of 'Pick your battles', if you have pther issues with MIL, this one probably really isn't worth fighting.

GetOrfMoiLand · 26/01/2011 17:35

I don't see the problem.

Yes you would have a point if your MIL insisted on buying her her first pair of shoes. But you can have that pleasure when your dd is 1 or so. First shoes are a milestone, subsequent shoe purchase are more of a millstone if i am honest.

Seriously, I don't think the OP has seen the godforsaken hellhole which is Clarks in late August. If your MIL is willing enough to brave that every year, jump at the chance.

bubblewrapped · 26/01/2011 17:35

Why the problem.. cant you make it into a nice shopping trip for you, MIL, and daughter...

I just dont get why people are so fecking antagonistic towards their partners parent, who is trying to show some interest.

Original poster
raby81 · 26/01/2011 17:39

They would only be part of her present. I just feel like it's another thing she can interfere with, you know, different generations, different ways of doing things. Curlymama- you're right I should pick my battles. current battles being weaning and letting DD support her own weight standing up (not good for her apparently)

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 26/01/2011 17:46

By the time your daughter goes to school you'll have emigrated to avoid MIL or stuck her under decking so don't stress about it.

Nod politely. And if in that Summer of school uniform buying she appears announcing her shoe promise tell her you've already done it but black school regulation plimsols are needed and school jumpers.

hhg · 26/01/2011 17:47

YANBU at all - this is controlling, unless she lets you pick and she pays. My MIL is like this with nieces - she buys (and chooses) first shoes, xmas pj's, first outfit after birth, xmas day dress. It's not her place

BodleianBabe · 26/01/2011 17:50

My Mum does this for mine and it's a godsend especially now I've got two to buy school shoes for.

I spend my money on fun frivolous shoes and she buys the sensible, boring, black, fitted school shoes.

that's what I call a win, win situation so YABU.

Original poster
raby81 · 26/01/2011 17:51

Pancakeflipper- do I know you?

OP posts:
UrsulaBuffay · 26/01/2011 17:52

Are we talking Clarks & stuff cos it could save you a fortune. It's something grandmas I know all like to do, just be sure to go together to the first one, get the picture taken etc and stress what you like & don't like. If she buys some & your dd doesn't wear them she'll soon get the picture.

YAthereforeBU

Pancakeflipper · 26/01/2011 17:55

Raby - I doubt it. I work undercover as big hole digging machine to chuck in relatives that annoy you - unreasonable or not unreasonable. My terms are good but I am busy.

Bogeyface · 26/01/2011 17:57

How many pairs is she referring to?

She says she will buy her school shoes each year, so is that one pair or the three or four pairs that she will actually need?

I would let her know that it is a lovely offer because 4 pairs a year at £40 a pair is such alot for you to have to find.

See what she says then, but stand your ground on where you get them from so she doesnt bully you into buying cheap ones! ;)

Original poster
raby81 · 26/01/2011 17:59

Pancakeflipper - it was the decking reference that threw me, already heard it today from someone. May require your services in the future though!

OP posts: