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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know IABU, but still...

45 replies

raby81 · 26/01/2011 17:14

My MiL has announced that she is going to buy DD's school shoes for her each year (she's only 5 months) as part of her birthday present.
I feel really petty but it's really annoyed me because I want to buy her first school shoes! I also want to be able to choose shoes that I think are appropriate and can already see arguments on the horizon about proper fitting, appropriate for school etc.
I tried to say 'that's really generous but...'and didn't get very far.
DH thinks I'm just being a bitch and part of me probably is, but I really want to enjoy these little landmark events for myself.
What do you think?

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 26/01/2011 18:01

Oh sorry Raby, didn't mean to freak you with the feeling of being stalked....

.... Retreats to continue digging.....

diddl · 26/01/2011 18:06

OP-what´s so special about first school shoes?

First pair of shoes ever I understand-but school shoes-I´d let MIL buy them tbh.

TotemPole · 26/01/2011 18:39

raby, I'd welcome her offer.

I don't understand the 'choice' aspect of school shoes. Most girls school shoes look almost the same. Black leather with low fronts and a strap. Very minor differences of a flower or a heart decoration.

Hulababy · 26/01/2011 18:41

I would politely ask her not too. Explain that you will need to take her regularly and may need several pairs in each year dependeing on how quickly her feet grow and that she will need to have properly fitted shoes in a style suitable for her school.

TBH I don't think much of school shoes for a little girl's birthday present anyway. I am sure most primary school age children would prefer some plastic tat!

TotemPole · 26/01/2011 18:59

The OP can still take her for regular fittings, it's just one pair of shoes for the year.

My parents like to buy my daughter shoes. They've given me cash occasionally for me to get shoes with.Blush Maybe it's a generation thing about having your footwear sorted so the rest will work out ok.

Plumm · 26/01/2011 19:03

Surely you can return the shoes if they're not suitable for school.

MadameDefarge · 26/01/2011 19:06

Well, you choose, she pays. Job done. If she insists on buying unsuitable ones, you can always exchange them.

trumpton · 26/01/2011 19:23

My MIL bought shoes for DS. My Mum bought shoes for DD1 we bought shoes for DD2. It was wonderful.

MIL loved going to buy the shoes with us. My Mum hated shopping so just sent us the money. We only had to pay for one set of shoes.

It's a lovely offer and I hope that DD1 will let us pay for DGS shoes when the time arrives.

Eglu · 26/01/2011 19:28

I think it is fine for her to buy them, as long as you are their to choose them. Either that or i'd just go shopping before she gets the chance.

Hulababy · 26/01/2011 20:00

Still think it sounds like a rubbish birthday present, esp from the point of view of a 5-10 year old.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 26/01/2011 20:09

It's 4 years away - as Pancake says, if she's like this now, you will have her under the veggie patch or be miles away by then!

You need to talk to DH though and get him on side - what you both decide is what goes, MIL can have her opinion, but once she's stated it, that's it. End of. It is not her decision - whether that's BLW, vaccinations or whatever.

MardyBra · 26/01/2011 20:19

School shoes all look the bloody same anyway, so even if she chooses they'll be black with a strap. The only variation is if they have one of those little dolls in the heel.

clevercloggs · 26/01/2011 20:22

you are worrying about something trivial that may or may not happen in five years time ? Confused

MissBeehiving · 26/01/2011 20:25

Your DD won't thank her if she gets her school shoes for her birthday. I wouldn't sweat it tbh. MIL will probably have forgotten about it in 4 years time. Just nod and smile, nod and smile.

Firawla · 26/01/2011 20:26

she's only 5 months now, surely mil may forget this idea by the time her school days roll around. If not then deal with it closer to the time, for now just say oh thanks mil and change subject

Blatherskite · 26/01/2011 20:35

Children's shoes need refitting every 6-8 weeks when they're small. Buying her first ever pair of shoes is an important milestone (don't tell MIL you're doing it and go to Clarks, they do you a little keepsake polaroid photo in a little card frame) but by the time you get to school shoes, you won't care if the Pope is paying for them so long as you don't have to sit through it again.

As others have said, let MIL buy the boring, black school shoes while you get your DD the sparkly party shoes she will actually want to wear.

Take her up on her offer, you'll save yourself a fortune.

LittleMissHissyFit · 26/01/2011 21:46

She's only 5m.... your MIL is barking!!!

Plenty of time for all that... by the time you get to school shoes, the whole novelty will have worn off, believe me!

Her 1st shoes ever are the real treat to buy, so you can still have that.

Relax a little, you can always overrule her school shoe choice in 4.5 years time (Shock) by saying that the school has strict guidelines... Stick this in your diary and come back to us here at MN, we can provide you with sackfuls of excuses for when you need them.

Shoes are about £30 a pop for Clarks and more for Kickers and Lelly Kelly, so if you want to buy your daughter her first pair, go right ahead, but let your MIL buy the odd pair of boots, school shoes... Your daughter may enjoy your MIL tradition of her getting new shoes to show off in school as part of her birthday...

You all have such a long way to go, pick your battles, this one really isn't worth falling out over now, it's lovely that your DDs Nanny is wanting to be involved in her clothes etc.

My parents wanted to give me a few bob for DS school uniform, it makes them feel connected, and every little helps, you'll be getting demands for cash left right and centre once she starts school!

Sparkletastic · 26/01/2011 21:49

That's a shit birthday present.
And you need many pairs in a year.

allatsea1 · 26/01/2011 22:41

Yanbu. Strange overbearing MIL behaviour.

MsKLo · 26/01/2011 22:50

Yanbu - she could have asked you rather than just state what she will do so don't feel
Bad about saying that actually, you want to do this and it will be easier for you anyhow as you will be taking het to get her feet measured etc

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