to think anyone who has anything other than missionary style sex in the dark, once a month is a sick freak..

[welltodo]

Its just not right any other way!

You can always tell a woman that needs a good seeing to.

Actually I have decided to swap to bi-monthly maritals and iron his work shirts in once a month. He seems happy with this arrangement.

I've heard about people like you.

Procreation should only be done when absolutely necessary, and with a full length nightie on. (can be pulled up as far as necessary for access) He should be wearing pyjamas, and only have the fly undone.
And under no circumstances should there "accidental" touching.

Ewww.....such vile talk

[makes sure lab lock is locked and key is well and truly hidden]

and we say a prayer whilst procreating, just so that we don't forget why we're doing it.

anything more than once a decade is a sure sign of perversion.

thank fook I am perverse then

OH, nickel so does DH! He says "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God" most fervently, so devout!

I recite a prayer from every religion, so that I am not offending anyone at all

oh cliff..

Pull my nightie down when you're finished.

Praying? is that what the lady next door is doing when she says ooooh j-e-s-u-s a lot in a high pitch voice

[pious unapproving face]

I never have sex.
Once a month? Vile and unholy perversion.

Please can someone explain the thread title. Does it entail extracting the nice young Mormon from his special undergarments on the doorstep if he calls at night?

Don't worry ivy. Hang out with us and you'll soon be rehabilitated.

Yes, Grimma but only once a month!

once a month. Dirty bastards. I've got 3 children & have only done the deed 3 times.

just about sums it up I feel!

ooooooopps!! i did it over 50 times last month!!1

not sure what that makes me!!! though if it helps it was with another mumsnetter!!

Ha this message is #70 - so dusty got the 69 too

69! wash your mouth out.

Now bend over and I'll warm your cheeks with a ruler for that insolence.

yes please Miss Mal

DP has just winked and pouted at me. Wish it were snowing outside so I could turn him out

[considers moving to the Arctic]

That will cool him off. Our naked couplings just sadden our Lord.

It's Mistress Mal to you

I'm fingering my rosary as we speak, DH tried to tempt me in the bathroom by lying naked in the bath with his man-parts poking through the bubbles!

He's a sinner who will burn in hell.

I get the nanny to do that for me...