or is my mum?

[NotAnotherNewNappy]

My mum has DD (2.4yo) one day a week while I go to work. I am v grateful for this and, as I do fundamentally respect her parenting skills, I often let things slide (e.g. DD often comes home clutching a fruitshoot and a happy meal toy).

Today she brought up a bargain buggy that she was well chuffed to have found for £20. Within 1 min DD had got in it, done the straps up and then burst into tears because she'd hurt her finger (and she's quite hard so she it really must have hurt for her to cry like that).

I looked at the clasp, it's a rubbish design: the T bit comes apart when you push the sides in, making a perfect pinching implement, IYKWIM?

I said I didn't like it and really didn't want her to use it for DD, we'll buy her another lightweight buggy if needs be. Mum replied that she'll do the straps up for her all the time. I said no because she'll get to it when you're not looking or, when somebody else doing the straps up, she could put her arm across it and that will get pinched.

She protests, I say "I am her mother, why can't you respect my decision on this?". Mum starts shouting and upsetting DD (who's now calmed down and climbed back in the buggy) by saying "Mummy doesn't want you to have it."

I say DON'T ARGUE WITH ME IN FRONT OF DD! (accompanied by m'net special death stare). Then I distract DD for 5 mins while we all calm down then act like nothing happened. She's now gone off in a huff, telling DD that nanny has to take the buggy back as mummy doesn't like it.

AIBU??

YABU, it has pinched her once, maybe that will make think twice about trying to mess with it again.

YABU When you DD goes to school, lots of things will happen that will be out of your control. She's got to hurt herself at some point in her life. I'm sure there's no real harm done to DD and you've also upset your mum.

Your being a bit daft. So what if it pinched her once as your mum says she will do it up and undo it. If your daughter then fiddles with it and gets pinched again it will teach her a lesson to do as she is told.

YABU. A child would probably catch their finger on any buggy harness, whether it's an expensive or cheap buggy. My DS has an expensive pram but I am forever hurting my finger when I do it up.

A buggy wouldn't be able to be sold in the UK unless it was suitable and safe for use

OP - I'm with you. You don't think this buggy is safe and you don't want to use it. End of.

Your mum should have asked you before she bought it.

And bravo for telling your mum not to argue with you in front of DD.

She wasn't messing with it, she was doing the clasp up. She's 2.4yo - she should be encouraged to do some things for herself.

The design of the clasp makes it v difficult to do up without pinching. When you push the sides in, the middle T bit comes apart to - and I, IYKWIM? Meaning she'd most likely pinch herself on it again and again.

Yabu I think, just say sorry and that you're a bit pmt, not worth falling out over

Well she wouldnt pinch herself on it again and again if she was told not to mess with it.

Its not particularly safe to encourage a child to be able to unclip its own buggy. So a clip that might pinch is probably a bloody good idea.

YABU.

You ABVU - I look after my brothers kids 2 days a week and bought his youngest a lightweight buggy because theirs didn't fit in my tiny car. I know what you mean about the clasp - the one I bought is similar, but if my brother or sil complained about my choice of pushchair I'd be lived tbh. I paid for it out of my own pocket - I wasn't going to buy a luxury pushchair for 2 days a week!

Theres lots of things your child can hurt herself on - you can't remove EVERY risk. As long as your mum always fastens her in, and maybe puts it away when not in use so she can't touch it I don't see what the problem is. Your daughter is old enough to be told no, and learn from it.

*livid, not lived!

I think you are being a bit unreasonable here. It's only one buggy clasp. Yes she has to learn to do things up by herself by at 2 it's not necessary and it shouldn't be hard to teach her to to do it with that buggy. Plus as she's been hurt once by it she's unlikely to do it again.

(Fruitshoots and happy meals are not a big deal either)

Doing up a buggy clasp is not something I would encourage as part of being independent - that's more for things like putting on their own coat, finding shoes, opening a packet, etc. What if she then decides to undo it whilst crossing a road (this happened to me with DS1!)? My stroller was an expensive one, and I have pinched my finger on it several times, so the cost isn't an issue - basically, this is only a problem if you insist that your mum lets your DD strap herself in everytime she uses it, which would be ridiculous. Your mum is being perfectly sensible. YABU.

I agree children need to learn to do things themselves but some things can/should only be done by an adult. Your DD is old enough to understand not to touch the clip and that Nanny will strap her in. As long as she's safe in the buggy itself then I wouldn't worry too much.

YABU

your child WILL hurt herself from time to time and she will learn to be more careful and let adults help her.

you cannont dictate that anything that has teh potential to hurt her is not to be used near her. is your DD allowed to run?

You are being unreasonable and a bit ungrateful.

Children learn by hurting themselves...we all do, so I don't think you should have made so much of an issue about it.

And your child is quite correct, Mummy doesn't want her to have it.

YABU, a bit.

Most buggy clasps do up like that, and there is finger-pinching potential in most of them.

Children learn by experience, as we do. So if you do up the clasp once, get a pinched finger, then you learn to hold the plastic a different way next time so you don't get pinched.

yabu, your dd should be encouraged to listen to the adult in charge, and when you say dont do up or undo something, she should be taught to listen, you cant always watch her. your mum is totally right.

all my kids have been hurt by pran & high chair clasps. As have I.
Nothing to do with how "cheap" you deem the buggy to be.

YABU learning to strap yourself into a buggy isn't something a child needs to do. I fairly certain you don't seee panick stricken twenty years old on planes going "I don't know how to do the belt up my mum ALWAYS strapped me in"

All nanny needs to say is "Don't do the straps you might hurt your fingers again"

Apologise to your mum and buy her a big mac

Actually I wouldn't encourage her to do the clasp at all as if she can do it up, she'll be able to undo it too....seen too many kids tip out when going up/down a steep kerb.

YABU about the buggy. But your mum shouldn't have argued with you about it in front of your DC nor done the "nanny has to take it back because mummy doesn't like it" martyr routine and YANBU to ask her not to.

YABU

Lol at buy her a big mac to apologise